Falling Star
by ScarlettScribble
Summary: When walls are built on rocky foundations they are only going to fall and the waves of tears erode at the lines so clearly drawn between them. Angst with a HAPPY ENDING! Dark subject and sexual situations. Huddy! *GASP* FINALLY COMPLETE!
1. The Power of Words

_Disclaimer: In heaven maybe. So god if your up there take a hint, side order of House for one please, along side my halo and wide screen plasma TV on cloud nine, do they get sky up there?…only kidding._

_Rating: M for Dark subjects and sexual situations in the later chapters._

_Ok this is a new story of mine, I had to get this one started because it has been swimming round my head for ages. It is much, much darker than my last one and in reference to 'Game, Set, Match,' I am going to add the final chapters very soon once I have hopefully received a few more reviews!_

_This one starts of quite harsh and sad but while there will be many ups and downs there will be a happy ending I promise, I'm not one for sad endings I find they always leave you feeling empty._

_Please read and review…let me know what you think and tell me whether this is any good because it is so different from my last stuff and I'm feeling kind of unsure. _

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Falling Star**

**The Power of Words**

She scrambled along the side walk, her skin peppered with bruises. A stream of blood trickling down the inside of her thigh, staining her skin bright red; the colour of anger, of pain, of fear; she was frightened. Her muscles were screaming and yet her mind felt numb to the pain. All emotion any remnant of life sucked out of her, leaving her an empty shell, lost and lonely.

Her fingers were grasped round the rags, once her shirt, so tight her knuckles had turned ice white, the cold wind whipping round her exposed skin; whispers of what had just passed felt as though they were shouted, the voices echoing round her mind. 'No!' was screaming through her ears, such a small pathetic word but usually it worked wonders, makes horrible things stop. This time it had failed her, it was ignored, shunned aside. She was left alone to fight; she lost, alone and weak without the power of words.

A large gash ran across her leg, the rock in which she'd fallen on, he'd forced her on, had cut her, his weight forcing it deeper with every push. A physical open wound reflecting the rip in her soul. Part of her wished the cut was worse, the physical pain was no where near strong enough to drown out the emotional trauma ringing in her ears.

The lights lit her up, weak and pale. She feared the shadows, the noises of the night making her jump with every step she took, every breath of wind a curse against her skin.

The night was once beautiful, the stars sparkling just out of reach tickled by her fingers tips. It was now just covering a carpet of sins, watching and winking as she cried out for help, no one to hear her screams. They watched as the sparkle died within her, his body crushing the oxygen from her lungs, nothing to say, nothing to feel. Numb, empty, the stars watched on.

The dirt of his finger tips still imprinted on her skin, the bruises round her wrists, handcuffs, locking her to the nightmare, not letting her free, a reminder, unable to escape.

She crawled up the steps with her last ounce of strength, banging her weak fist against the door, crying out his name, screaming for him to help her. Nothing, no one in, no one home, his lights were dead, along with her own. She slid down the door, pulling her knees to her chest, despair, defeat engulfing her. Her head buried in her hands as the tears started to stream, stinging the cuts as salt leaked into her wounds. Her silent anguish unknown to the world apart from the one who'd caused it, and the stars that watched it happen.

How could a day turn so fast?

_Flash Back morning:_

_Need you!_

'_Yes mistress.'_

_He'd helped her with the injections, supporting her dream, keeping her secret. She had been high on hormones, high on happiness. Her dream in reach, his help lifting her high to reach the stars, the ones that had so cheerfully watched her downfall._

_His help had meant the world to her, a branch of friendship grown in the way only he knew how. No use for words, words are weak as she now knew. She grasped it, frightened it would snap beneath her fingers but it remained strong, flexible. He dove deeper into her dream, finding her anonymous donor, showing the lies between the lines. She had been grateful._

_Later when she'd confronted him, her expression reflecting astonishment was some how tainted with the smile slowly forming on her lips._

_However he seemed somewhat angry, the force of the needle piercing her skin was hard and unforgiving. She had stated she was tired of looking, he was punishing her or that's how it felt._

'_Pick someone you trust.'_

'_Someone like you?' she didn't know why she'd asked, it was a challenge she supposed, a test to see his response, nothing more, nothing less. His reply was unexpected._

'_Someone you like.' _

_Sorrow had engulfed her at this statement, his eyes looking so lost. She liked him, sure they fought, she screamed, he shouted, a battle of wills, of intellect, but he helped her, gave her support when needed and she in return gave him the puzzles that kept him going, it was an odd relationship and reflecting on it now, somewhat beautiful. _

_It was deep down unspoken, she had gone to tell him the silent truth that evening, that she did like him; that he was her friend, but the words had failed her. They managed to do that in so many ways. Her words contrasted with her expression and she'd fled before he could read anymore into it._

_Flash back evening:_

_She had only needed one drink, something to still her nerves, get the words flowing once more, she could do the rest she just needed a push. She got one much later. She had only meant to be in the park for a few seconds, it was faster that way than going round, she'd intended to visit his home and try and rope back the final strings of their friendship which had been severed by the surgeon's knife. Her own strings holding onto her happiness, attaching her to life were cut however when a rock smashed into her head and a warm gush spilled from the wound as she tumbled to the ground._

_She was silent, shock stealing her way with words, her breaths coming in short sharp gasps, paralysed with fear. His scent engulfing, stinging her senses as he held her there, an animal, claws tearing at her clothes scratching her skin as he exposed her body, revealing her soul to the night._

_He went in for the kill. Her a lamb to the slaughter. She'd tried to wriggle, escape but he was heavy, too heavy, her screams filling the night sky until a hard fist knocked her silent once more._

_No tears escaped, refusing to let them fall, her vision was blurry, a comatose haze settling over her; the impact of his strike. She watched the blood, her blood, staining the rags around her before she gave up, allowing the mist to claim her, hiding the nightmare behind closed eyes, blocking out the noises, ignoring the pain, shutting out the stars._

_She woke up, dazed, lost and aching. She had no idea how long she'd been out where she was or why. The memories flooded back, each one stinging a little bit more than the last._

_She fled into the night, her life crashing around her ears as she could feel the light die within her. Grasping the remaining rags of material around her quivering frame to retain some modesty, some pride in which he had so easily ripped from her, the nameless man of her nightmare._

_She stumbled over rocks and roots, adding to the mass of cuts and bruises already staining her skin. She had no where else to go, she needed him to help her once more use the newly grown branch to pull her out the darkness which was drowning her. She hoped he had truly forgiven her, why should he lift her to her feet, if he still felt she'd knocked his own out from under him?_

And now here she was and he wasn't. Abandoned on his doorstep.

There was a rumble in the distance. She curled into a tighter ball, as though trying to hide. The once powerful women had been reduced to nothing in a matter of hours. Her position was foetal, child like, but there was no one to protect her. The wind blew her hair round her face, soaking up the tears that still trickled over her cheeks, dropping to her feet splashing to the ground as they broke contact with her flesh. It was a though she was melting, washing away in her sorrow.

The headlights approaching her made her eyes scream. She squeezed them together, as the light invaded her darkness, lighting up her shadow, making her seem like a ball of rags.

The engine died and the darkness consumed her once more. Her eyes flickered open the lingering tears blurring her vision. She saw a tall figure, swinging from the bike, ripping his helmet from view allowing it to crash to the ground noise echoing into the night as he grabbed his cane limping towards her as fast as he could.

……………………………

'Cuddy?'

He stooped down worry written across his features as he took in his boss, his friend. Her torn attire, the bruise bracelets, cuts slashed into her soul her life and fire leaking from her wounds.

'I…he…' she couldn't get the words out, he was watching her struggle. Her voice sounded alien and empty, a weak whisper into the night. A sob burst from her lips as the tears started to stream once more.

'You're frozen,' he reached out to her but she flinched beneath his touch, seeing this he recoiled, keeping his distance. She was afraid.

'Can you stand?' he wanted to help but he was unable to without contact so he busied himself with his cane eyes not leaving her face, the rags her fingers refused to release barely covered her weak frame.

She nodded, no need for words. Using the door frame to pull herself upright, he could see her last ounce of strength draining. He opened his door, allowing her in first, his hands out to support her but un-touching frightened she would crumble beneath his fingers tips. She was falling before his eyes; the sparkle had finally died, filled with a dark void as though clouds of sorrow had engulfed her soul.

He closed the door behind them, a loud snap ringing out in the silence as they vanished inside. His helmet abandoned on the sidewalk. The carpet of darkness stilled once more, silent and calm as the anguish of the evening was hidden from the night.

The stars watched on.


	2. Hating isn't Hard to Do

_Sorry this took so long to get up I have been really busy trying to get ready for university. Hope you like it, it was hard keeping them in character but I think I managed it…just._

_Please review! Feed my drug habit oh yes! High on happiness and positive comments with a little bit of vicodin slung in here and there!_

_**Reviewers:**_

_Axelchick: I'm pleased you liked it. Sorry it took so long for more...I will try and get the next chapter up a lot sooner!_

_HouseAddiction__: Lol! I'm sorry it was sad! I decided to do something different! Don't worry I will definitely finish GSM. _

_Eleanor J.__: I know what you mean but I decided to give it a go anyway. I wanted to dive deeper into emotions and stuff like that. My first fic was much more on the surface. I hope you find it ok and I manage to take it somewhere good. Please keep reading and let me know what you think. I want to make it as good as possible and keep people happy!_

_babynurse2004: good! Hope this is an awesome update!_

_luv2luv-Hugh__; don't worry house can make it all better but it will be hard. I love writing this story because of the depth of emotions you get to dive into. Don't worry all will end happy in the end! And then I'll write a funny one!_

_eac-dudette__: indeed very different from my first one…lets see how it goes._

_house's phoenix__: Yay you found it moving. That's what I'm aiming for and I have succeeded…so far._

_swiglo3000__: good I'm pleased it has begun well…let's hope I can keep it up! _

_samanthaon__: Aww thank you. That's made me feel all warm and fuzzy thinking I write beautifully! I have the whole story already in my head…hope you like the update! _

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Hating isn't Hard to Do

The light had died, her eyes were bleak and empty the blazing fire that had always drawn him like moth to a flame, intrigued and fascinated him more than any of his puzzles had been extinguished, doused by the cold hard waterfall of reality that had come crashing down over her, engulfing her soul, drowning her in despair and confusion.

He'd been watching her from the doorway, a ball huddled in the corner of his sofa. He didn't dare to come any closer fearful she'd fall, fight to get away from him, he couldn't deal with the fear in her eyes, especially if she was frightened of him, that was one look from Lisa Cuddy he just couldn't handle.

He didn't know what to do.

He feared that left on her own she'd sink further into darkness. If he tried to comfort her he was unable to touch, worried she'd crumbled between his fingertips, the weak form of life rocking before him. She had been staring into space for the past half hour, arms clasped round her knees holding them to her chest, a ball of fear, trying to shrink, become invisible; vanish from the cruel world that currently surrounded her.

He hated what she'd become. He remembered the powerful women strolling through the halls of PPTH head held high as he watched from a distance. She was now a shadow of the strong woman she once was.

He hated he hadn't be able to protect her. That man had got to her, she had been vulnerable and all it took was one hard blow to make her fall. He so wanted to rewind time, heal her wounds and hurt the man before he even touched a hair on her head.

He hated that he hadn't been here the moment she needed him, her creased form curled up on his doorstep; hopeless and hurt.

But most of all he hated himself for what he had to do next. It was cruel even for him, harsh and unforgiving but he needed to do this, she needed to do this. The faceless figure of her nightmare needed to be brought into the light, made to face up to what he'd done, made to pay.

This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, making her weak heartbeat fight for just that little moment longer, force her to stand on her feet, return to the world that currently haunted her but it had to be done, and he wouldn't let anyone else do it. No one else would touch her, harm her, she was his, his boss, his friend and he was going to protect her.

'Cuddy?'

Northing no knowledge of his existence and refusal to acknowledge her own, she was a shell, un-reacting, unthinking, unfeeling, he had to fight to make her open up House didn't back down from a challenge, and while this was a new and unwelcome one he would try his very best to succeed.

He spoke louder but with little force, 'Cuddy?'

Nothing.

He walked over to her, approaching from the side, theories said you could enter a persons' personal space better this way, less threatening, less imposing and right now the desire to get into her space without shaking her was very high. He hovered, unknowing of what to do next. He lowered himself to the ground, ignoring the jolts of pain in his leg, equal status, he appreciated his height was overpowering, he'd used it to get to Cuddy many a time, know it was working against his favour, he needed to change the odds.

'Cuddy?'

Not a flicker,

He reached out to her, fingers brushing the top of her arm and she jumped like he'd electrocuted her, eyes snapping into focus, wide and fearful running round the room assessing her surroundings as though she'd forgotten where she was. Her eyes came to rest on his hand; he hadn't moved allowing it to rest on her arm testing her reaction. She just stared at it for a moment as though assessing herself and how much contact she could take, before her eyes rose up to meet his. He sense her relax, his presence calming her than causing her pain. She felt safe; he released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

'Cuddy?'

'Yeah?' her voice was weak and empty; barely heard over the wind whistling outside.

'Um….I need to check you over.

'No you don't, I'm fine.'

'Cuddy don't be silly, you're not fine, you're as far from fine as can be.' He had to stop himself from getting angry, she was only resisting because she was frightened. She knew what needed to be done and was only avoiding it because of her fear.

'House I'm not:-' he cut her off, '

'Cuddy I am checking you over, I need to make sure all the cuts and scratches are ok. The one on your head looks pretty deep, and judging by the amount of blood leaking through your skirt I'm assuming there's a pretty nasty one there too, both will probably need stitches,' he had to push her, she wouldn't budge unless he did, she was still the stubborn Cuddy he once knew, this small piece of defiance gave him a brief flicker of hope, there was a chance, however small it seemed at the moment that he could help her pull her through this.

He could see her, sinking away from him once more, clearly un-wanting of the contact and the only opportunity of avoiding it was to pretend he wasn't there, pretend she wasn't there. He needed a way in.

'Cuddy please,' he begged, 'I just want to check that you're ok.' What a stupid thing to say, he berated himself, of course she's not ok, how can she be ok? He really didn't know how to handle this but he watched her shift from surprise at his words, her eyes, lifeless as they had been, lit up with shock.

He felt a stab of hurt, did she believe that he wouldn't care, that he wouldn't want to make sure she was alright. Did he seem really that harsh and un-caring?

She looked up at him and allowed the tiniest of a smile, it was a sad and lost look, as though hope was no longer living but it was a smile and that was a start. She nodded.

He didn't say a word, worried of scaring her back into her shell. He shimmied slowly with his hands in indication for her to remove the towel that was covering her and she did so without protest. He wanted to look away, shield his eyes; anything not to have to stare at the beautiful body that had been made a massacre of. He didn't want to see her at her most vulnerable, exposed before him. He tried to keep the towel covering her most of the time, areas of her body which we inspected were done so with the minimalist of touches.

He turned her wrists over, dabbing disinfectant on the scratches and watching her face screw up as the moisture burned into her wounds, repeating this action on the ones on her chest and stomach, eyes on the job not taking in any aspect of the smooth skin before his eyes. He had longed to see her body, the curves she hid beneath her power suits, revealing tantalising glimpses of throughout the week. He had never envisaged that this was how his wish would come true and while he couldn't have done anything to prevent this, the fact that the wish had ever left his tongue, even the fact that it had entered his mind flooded him with guilt.

He indicated for her to lift her skirt up so he could deal with the wound beneath. She faulted for a moment before her fingers curled at the hem dragging it upwards, her eyes tight shut as though not wanting to see the damage, ignore it, wish it wasn't there; a physical reminder of the pain in which had been inflicted.

Her thigh was bright red, stained by the blood that had leaked over her skin. He wiped it away, fingers shaking as anger and sadness riddled his body.

How had this happened? Her world had been turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Only this morning they were laughing together; House's antics bringing a smile to her face, the sparkle in her eyes dancing as she tried to restrain herself, stop herself from laughing, knowing it would on encourage him, like it would a child.

No smile now, not a flicker. He bent down to retrieve a needle hating himself for having to pierce her skin. His hand remained on her knee, constant contact. He lifted his head up only to regard her reaction. Her face, while stained with tears, stilled shimmered with beauty. He looked into her eyes and saw a very faint flicker of the spark he feared had died, it was tainted with sorrow, burning blue. It was his mission to blow and make it burn bright. He wouldn't let her light go out.

She was watching him. The way he cared, his soft caress as he wiped away the evidence of the evening events, knelt beside her, helping her. He could feel the blocks joining together once more, re-building the walls that had so dramatically been ripped down. Only now, he was on the inside.

She had hope and it was because of him.

Time to test the boundaries; this would either cause them to crumble or become stronger, his help to build them. Trust cementing the blocks together, fear forcing them apart.

'Cuddy?'

'Yeah?' she still seemed a bit shaky, her voice wobbling as she spoke, but her strength was returning.

'You know what we have to do don't you?'

Her eyes widened, bright blue and fearful; she knew, she'd had to do it countless times with other patients, she clearly thought she'd never be on the receiving end.

'We have to get DNA samples, evidence, find a face to fit.'

She shook her head, refusal, eyes cast downwards. Pretending, trying to ignore everything, push him away. He wouldn't let her.

'Cuddy, look at me.' He lifted his forefinger stroking it along the underside of her chin, gently forcing her head upwards. She didn't flinch under his touch, her head rising, if somewhat reluctantly. Her eyes met his own; they were brimming with tears.

He hadn't ever seen her cry, her stubbornness flowed through every aspect of her life, a dam holding everything back, refusing to let the salt streams fall, which would speak words through water, making her feelings crystal clear. She wasn't transparent and he thought she never would be. This was the night he watched her dam brake, the river of emotions crashing into him, drowning him, watching her gasp for air as she struggled to stop.

He watched a tear break free only to be whipped away by his thumb as he brushed it over her cheek.

'We have to do this cuddy, you know that? How many more will fall if we don't?' it was him and her, together, 'we' not 'you', she wasn't alone. 'Come on cuddles, be the one to fight back.'

He could see his word weaving an effect over her. Adding fire to the blue spark he'd witnessed earlier, watching it burn.

'You trust me?'

She nodded; no hesitation.

'I'll do it if you let me, no one else need know. I won't allow anyone else to touch you if you don't want.'

She shook her head, he thought she was refusing his help, his touch, he'd failed.

'No, I don't want anyone else,' she looked at him, a scared smile tainting her lips as she spoke, 'only you. I trust you.'

He felt the bubble threaten to burst, unknown emotion overflowing, it was jagged, edge with sadness, but the fact she would let him in meant more to him than she'd ever know.

'Ok.' He gave her hand a tight squeeze, breathing in deep, 'you ready?'

She nodded, 'as ready as I'll ever be.'

He gathered all necessary equipment. Cuddy laid back on the sofa, eyes tight shut, blocking out the light, arm flung over her eyes ignoring what House was having to do.

Once he had collected relevant samples, extracted skin fragments from under her nails, saliva and other DNA samples, slightly harder and harsher but had to be done, he covered her over with the towel, nudging her ever so slightly, evidence of the examination hidden away.

'Cuddy? Do you want a shower?'

She nodded, nails scratching the surface; the invisible dirt coating her skin; making her feel unclean, desperate, wishing to wash the muck away. House felt, no matter how hard she scrubbed the memory would be burned into her skin for a lifetime. She may lighten the layer, remove most of the dirt over a couple of months but flecks would always remain.

'The showers just down the hall on the left.' His hands wrapped loosely round her wrists to stable her, legs clearly weak, wincing at the aches and pains that started to make themselves known, shooting through her every time she move, little piercing reminders every step she took.

Some people, unknowing of the evenings events, might find the sight comical, House, hobbling without his cane, holding Cuddy, who was barely able to stand; each individual supporting the other one, helping them to walk, preventing them from falling; a physical representation of House and Cuddy's relationship and how beautiful it truly was, even if it was unknown to them.

He helped her into the shower switching it on, running his hand under the warm stream to check the temperature before leaving, shutting the door with a click behind him. She didn't lock it, she felt no need to shut him out, he'd seen it all now, watching her highs and now supporting her through her lows. He knew everything and she didn't feel the need to hide.

He heard the water change as she stepped under the spray. He limped back into the living room bagging the necessary samples that needed to be delivered as soon as possible.

The police station was only a few minutes away. He could take Cuddy in later. The sooner these were sent off the better. He grabbed his coat and keys. He thought of calling out but didn't think it was needed, he didn't want to startle her and hopefully he would be back before she left the shower, so she would be unknowing of his presence or lack of it. Just encase he left a note on the side and slipped out, stooping to retrieve his helmet off the sidewalk.

The night was cold. He settled on his bike revving the engine racing off into the darkness.

…………………

The police station had taken too long, much longer than he ever imagined. Explaining the situation and delivering the sample. He had to provide I.D and other forms of evidence to prove he knew how to have conducted a thorough and correct examination. It was so clinical, he was pleased Cuddy had not been exposed to the harshness; she would have broken down there and then. The police had dragged it on way too long and he'd been getting crosser by the minute. Cuddy would wonder where he was, he was late, she was alone, he never should have left her. He'd have to bring her in for her statement tomorrow, if she could handle it and he would be there every step of the way.

He pulled up outside the house. It was silent. He ran up the steps scrabbling for the key desperate to get inside. He plunged it into the lock, twisting hard and fast forcing the door open the moment it came free, holding it steady, no bang, he didn't want to make her jump.

'Cuddy?' It rung out in the room. She knew he was here and yet nothing, no movement, not a whisper. Something wasn't right.

He stumbled down the hallway, ears tuning in to the sound of water, his brow furrowed, she should be done by now.

His fingertips rested against the door, weighing up the decision to push it open or walk away. 'Cuddy?'

A weak sob broke out and he panicked pushing the door open with more force than necessary. His eyes whirling round the room in search of her coming to rest on a crouching figure, a ball beneath the waterfall of now ice cold water crashing down around her. The skin on her forearm rubbed raw, a rash spreading, tiny pin pricks of blood which she had brought to the surface in her violent desperation to cleanse herself.

'Cuddy!' He grabbed a towel darting forward getting caught in the spray as he switched the shower off. She was frozen, her lips tinted blue, shivering within his arms which he'd wrapped tightly around her holding the towel, rubbing to warm her.

'I feel…' she hiccupped, a bubble of sadness breaking free, 'dirty. It won't…hiccup…go.'

He settled down beside her, her head falling against him, wet curls soaking through his t-shirt as she buried her face in his chest silently sobbing as he rocked her back and forth in his arms.

He didn't know what to do, unable to provide comfort he just held her, no words were spoken. He just sat there in silence, hoping he could help her through this.

Once the tears subsided she lifted her head to face him, 'sorry' her eyes were blood shot but beautiful, her skin pale and soft.

He ran his finger over her cheek brushing away a stray curl running it through his fingers before tucking it behind her ear, 'you have nothing to be sorry for.' He steadied himself on the bar, standing, pulling her with him, towel still wrapped round her frame.

He helped her to his room, hunting through his draws to find a loose, baggy t-shirt, passing it over, turning his back as she pulled it on. He looked back, helping her under the covers, wrapping them round her, injecting warmth and comfort as she curled into a tight ball. He settled himself on the top of the duvet beside her, his hand running over her forehead, calming and comforting, listening as her breathing finally slowed and she drifted off into slumber.


	3. Actions Speak Louder

_I am so sorry it took so long to get up. I have just started uni and my life has been a bit of a whirlwind and when I got here I got awful writers block...but I'm over that now I hope so I am planning to get the chapters up sooner. This one is for luv2Luv-hugh for many reasons, number _

_1. She pushed me to get this chap done, constantly referring to it so I kept returning until I got passed the block. Thank you!!_

_2. She's just had some really bad news so I wanted to give her something to make her happy! hugs_

_3. And finally she makes me smile and helps me when I'm low and that means a lot so thank you my little ditzy!_

_Keep smiling! _

**_I agree the policeman is a bit harsh but please give me a bit a writer's licence and the reason for the policeman's attitude will become apparent later on._**

…………………

_Please review I need to know that my readers are still with me after such a long spell of no news chaps. Also I need cheering up uni is hard and I'm getting low so please give me reviews…they're my happy pills!!! _

_Reviewers_

_Simbagirl: Thank you_

_DancingdivaXX: it gets worse but don't worry there will be a happy Houddy ending I promise!!_

_Samanthaon: Thank you, I like writing that kind of thing but there it is easier to use in angst than in comedy like gsm. I'm having fun trying something new!! _

_Kris the fanficaholic: I'm pleased you like it! I wasn't sure how it would be received but so far so good!!_

_HouseAddiction: lol it's meant to be sad so I'm pleased it was! Thank you for saying it was amazing. It has given me a big grin!!!_

_Classiqfemme: thank you!! I like the way you described it horrifying and beautiful kind of sums up what I was aiming for, and I intend to write much more!!_

_House's phoenix: thank you! Wow I made you cry...can't decided whether I'm happy about that or not lol. I'm pleased it had that affect on you but not pleased that I caused you to cry._

_Swiglo3000: That's what I was aiming for, graphic scenes are bit too harsh and no one likes to read them so I thought I would work more with the emotional impact than the physical after all that is what does the most damage._

_Prinnie: tried to make uni be dammed but it kind of doesn't work lol. Pleased you thought the last chap was awesome hope you think the same of this too._

_Chromo26: lol don't worry, later is better than never. I thought it would be interesting too because rather than have it happen to a weak woman (which cam is) It's happened to the strongest of the women in the show and I wanted to see what happened… I'm pleased you think its going well so far._

_Luv2luv-Hugh: nope not before uni sorry!! But here is a new chapter, it will get sadder as you already know but there will be a very happy ending!!_

_Eleanor J: Thank you, I like working with House and watching him trying to over come his weaknesses, its what makes the character interesting too me…along with many other things!_

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Actions speak louder: 

She was warm, curled up, limbs wrapped round him, her head rising and falling in time with his breathing as she laid on his chest, he was asleep, she wasn't.

She had woken moments ago from a disturbed slumber, tossing and turning in the night, harsh visions plaguing her dreams, taunting her, playing extracts over and over again and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't hide. The pain was still present in the dark, eyes shutting out the light but not the feel, the sound, the aches still flooding through her. She was a prisoner within the walls of her own mind and only time was her healer and may not ever truly set her free.

She had jumped when her eyes flickered open, whirling round the unfamiliar surroundings, ears alert to the breathing pattern that was not her own. Her eyes had fallen on the figure beside her, face untroubled, expression blank as he held her close, free from the worries of the world, his skin smoother than ever before, his aura usually so harsh and sorrowful was calm and carefree, the rhythm of his breaths washing over her, calming her senses, forcing away the fleeting thought of fleeing his hold, deserting the warmth emanating from his skin. Her limbs remained tangled with his own, her body a tight ball as she snuggled up against him, enclosed in the safe surroundings of his arms.

She remembered the first few seconds when she awoke, memories absent, happiness flooding through her when she realised it was House who held her but it was drowned out too soon, washed away as the poison returned, weights dragging her beneath the surface, dark water of despair rushing up to meet her.

She had focused on him, his feel, his touch, a stark contrast to what she'd been exposed to, people who seemed harsh could be beautiful, kind and caring when it truly mattered and that was what kept her going, him, he held her head above the water.

She was lying there with just the briefest flicker of hope that he would pull her through, it was more powerful than she could ever have imagined and he meant more to her now than ever before. She could see him for what he truly was, a man trapped in a monster, damaged on the outside, un-whole and hurting, a lost soul unable to find its way.

She'd been didn't understand before, he was lost in the cloud that consumed him, her on the outside unable to see in, now they had met in the mist, they could work there way out together, keeping each other company as they found their way forward, battered and bruised but together, friends, helping each other over the boulder blocking their path to happiness, but one step at a time, a steady pace, she was prepared to fall, but knowing House would be there to pull her to her feet made her feel safe, and that was enough for now.

……………………………..

He could feel her, calm and relaxed, breathing in time with him, lying over his chest, curled into his side, his arms wrapped round her. He didn't want to move, too content with comforting her for him to be comfortable with himself. Harsh House was melting, an ice burg dripping, cold streams washing away his angry exterior, her heat slowly dissolving the cold barriers he'd built up around himself. He couldn't console her, unable to help, too awkward for words, too cold for kindness; however she was safe, she was with him, in his arms, and if he couldn't comfort with words his actions could, would, show that he cared.

He cracked one eye open, watching her, lost in thought, eyes staring at a point he was unable to see, off in the dark distant world of her memories. She was still hurting, the expression of pain swimming in the crystal blue his only wish was to wash it away.

He lifted his hand allowing his fingers to brush over the top of her head in the lightest of touches, she jumped, his contact was unexpected but not unwanted she settled her head back down allowing his fingers to flow over her hair with more force, running his fingertips to tangle in the dark strands, comforting and calming he was there for her and she knew it.

'You ok?' he hated asking that question, it was stupid, false; of course she wasn't ok, how could she be? OK!…what a useless word, small, pointless and pathetic with no meaning or substance, what was ok? Happy, sad, content, calm, it could describe a number of things and yet didn't seem to be anything at all, no purpose, just a word, two letters glued together to express all or nothing, fill a gap in a clichéd statement that everyone asked when they were unsure, uncertain or uncaring, he cared, but he never had a way with words, and the words in which he employed were always devoid of expression or feeling, his emotions long since buried under layers of despair.

He was experiencing contrasting feelings based on the way in which Cuddy was currently burrowing beneath them, holes were forming in his defence and she would find her way through; but, if he was honest, he wanted her too. Their friendship had suffered much to his own distress, the walls had crumbled around him, him beating them down with his new wooden weapon of destruction and Cuddy hadn't been able to fight. He regretted it, now he wanted to join both their defences; build them back up again together, if anyone wanted to hurt her again they would have to get through him first, that was the way it had been and the way he had always wanted it to be.

But Cuddy, strong and independent had fought the world alone, and lost. Now though, she had come running to him cowering behind his own weak walls as her last form of protection from the outside world. So for as long as it lasted he would allow himself to bathe in the brief ray of happiness that descended over him when she was curled in his arms, allowing him to protect her, no matter how tainted the circumstances, for now she was his and he was hers.

He watch her think for a moment, thoughts flickering over her face as she truly assessed how she was, was she ok?, a light nod, for now she was as content as she could possibly be. That was all about to change.

House's eyes squeeze tight shut as he built up the courage to address the issue that was fast approaching, he wanted to ignore it, pretend it didn't need to happen but it had too. He had to take the moment and smash straight through.

'Cuddy?'

'Mmmm' her eyes were closed, eyelids covering the wells of expression, he loved watching her at peace and hated having to disturb it.

'You have to make you statement today, you know that don't you?'

Her eyes snapped open, cold, unblinking; wide awake, the peace and calm long since gone, a harsh mist settling in. She remained silent.

'You have to do it, he needs to be caught, 'he felt her muscles tense, curling her frame tighter ignoring the reference to the thing who had hurt her being human, 'I'll be with you every step of the way'.

Her eyes lifted looking into his own, he watch the battle taking place, she didn't want to go, yet she knew she had too, wishing to ignore it and hide or face it and fight. He kept the eye contact, giving her arm a quick squeeze, 'come on cuddles we can do this together.'

Her lips twitched ever so slightly, her muscles loosing beneath his fingertips, she nodded, 'Ok, I'll do it, you'll be there, promise,' pleading, her tone quiet and desperate, eyes wide and innocent. A tight pain in his chest as her expression tugged at his heart strings, he didn't want her to do it, he wanted to protect her and here he was forcing her to face her fears, what twisted logic was that? But it had to be done and there was no way he would leave her side for one moment in fear she would fall. 'Yeah,' he smiled placing a quick, light, caring kiss on her forehead, 'you're stuck with me now.'

A light harsh laugh broke from her lips, 'yeah right, normally you can't wait to get away.'

House frowned surely she didn't expect him to abandon her now, not after what had happened, a little bit of TLC and then goodbye thanks for the visit. She really had a tainted opinion of him, before he would have thrived in the negative view so clearly reflected in her eyes, however, recently, now more so than ever; it disgusted him that she could ever think that.

He didn't know why he should feel that way, he wasn't experiencing any regret of his behaviour around any other surrounding parties, they viewed him as a cold harsh bastard and he liked it, less trouble.

Cuddy on the other hand, in her new state of vulnerability, was disturbing him and he was unsure as to how or why she was, but he was determined to find out. He felt her frame lift from his own, her hands splaying over his chest as she rose, the cold air rushing in, she made motions to move but as she lifted her hands from his chest House's hands wrapped around her wrist holding them in place, the action was involuntarily stemmed by confusion and desperation to begin patching up her opinion of him. 'I'm not a harsh bastard all the time.'

Her head twitched, regarding him thoughtfully, addressing his words trying to attain the tone and why that particular sentence escaped from his lips, 'yeah, just 99.9 of the time.'

She went to move again, but his hands held her fast, 'no, not this time, I want to help, I'm hear for you, you know that right? And I meant it when I said you're not getting rid of me, I'm in this for the long hall no matter how much you drive me insane.'

Her eyes widen, jaw dropping, incredulous, 'Me! Annoy you?' A rare smile broke over her face, eyes wrinkling as her hand broke free slapping him on the side of the arm,

House grimaced, face screwing up in mock pain, 'that's not very nice, I'm trying to help and you're mean to me.'

Her laugh was breathless, head falling back in mock prayer, 'oh House,' she brought her head back down to face him, a small smile still playing at her lips, head shaking as the little bubble of laughter that broke free died down, 'thank you.'

His brow furrowed once more, 'what for?'

'For being you, for being here, you'll never know how much that means to me.' Her palm caressed the side of his cheek, 'so thank you.' She rose from the bed and wandered from the room, the bathroom door closing with a snap.

House watched, whisper brushing against her retreating back as she vanished behind the door, 'I think I already do.'

………………………….

He listened to the shower, the rumble filling the silence as he laid there lost in thought, his skin still tingling from her touch. His brow furrowed in concentration, what was going on, he had come alive again, while working on Cuddy's rapidly dieing flame, the sparks had accidentally lit his own.

He thought it had died long ago but Cuddy was making it burn bright. She was his friend and yet his body was telling him he wanted more. He was obviously confused, unknown emotions of compassion and care crashing over him was getting muddled and masquerading as something else.

She was Cuddy he was House they hated each other; that Great Wall of China keeping them apart, normally, and yet he wanted that to change or did he? She was his friend, however distant and twisted a friendship it may be, it was still there and had lasted by the skin of its teeth for years; did he really want to change that? No, emotions, feelings, unwanted and unneeded, he was willing to help, but unwilling to change and that was the way it was going to be, but she thanked him for it, being his usual harsh and blunt self and that was what confused him the most.

He rolled out of bed, downing a pill to lessen the pain and scrambled into the Kitchen.

…………………..

Breakfast was a quick encounter. Cuddy, clean and fresh from the shower, barely ate anything, the fear of the statement looming over her like a big black shadow blocking out the light, leaving her to linger in the shadows of her pain.

House on the other hand was struggling to create conversation, not good at small talk, preferring to remain silent, washing down toast with badly made coffee and staggering from the room to get dressed.

He limped down the hall, the pain in his leg hadn't lessened, his fingers massaging at the mutated muscle as he made his way into his bedroom. Her scent still lingered, the silence around him deafening. He pulled random loose fitting clothes on and returned to the lounge to find her sat, back stiff, un-relaxed, on his sofa. The calm which had descended that morning had been well and truly whipped away and he was the one who'd done it. He would never change, and she would hate him for it, causing her more pain, it was un-required, she didn't need to fight, he didn't want her too and the only comfort of this pain was the fact that she could never hate him more than he already hated himself. That emotion drowned out any conflicting emotions he had been experiencing before. The moment had gone and so had his feelings, he was back, no longer lost.

'Come on Cuddy, let's go.'

She rose without a word, head facing the floor, defeated; his hand went to rest in the small of her back as he gently nudged her forward, supporting her, keeping her moving.

The door closed behind them, the loud snap echoing out in the silence.

……………………

The ride to the station was silent; Cuddy was gazing out the window, lost in thought as she watched the world whip past. They pulled up outside and sat in silence for a few moments both wandering in their own minds, both unwilling to speak before the other, House took the plunge, 'you ready?'

'No,' her voice was weak, its strength had drained, the prospect of having to relive the worse night of her life was slowly soaking the spark back out of her, and House wasn't looking forward to hearing it either.

He reached over and grasped her hand giving it a light squeeze, Cuddy's eyes focused on the gesture; comfort was so alien from House that, that brief touch had more impact than a big prep speech from anyone else. She felt the strength flood from his fingers into her; his heat spreading into her hand; she could face anything with him by her side. 'Ok' she nodded 'let's do it.'

…………………

They had been seated in a question room, four blank walls surrounding them, a police officer seated over the table, pen and paper at the ready. Cuddy had fought for House to be present; the police were reluctant but allowed it when Cuddy refused to relive anything without House there to help her along the way.

She was shaking, the story spouting from her lips harsh and disjointed. 'I was walking through the park.'

'What time?' the police officer was quite harsh, tone accusing, as though Cuddy was the criminal. House didn't like it one bit.

'Huh?' she was confused, losing her flow, the officer was forcing Cuddy to have to find her place over and over again, dragging up more images just so she could start from where she left off.

'What time where you in the park?'

'Um, I don't know, just gone midnight.'

'Why were you in the park at that time?'

'Um…because I had just left the bar and was walking across the park to visit House….Greg.'

'Don't you know it is dangerous to walk through parks late at night, especially a woman on her own?'

House felt the anger bubble over, the young jumped up officer's smug tone rubbing him the wrong way. 'Well of course she knows it's dangerous, she got raped didn't she.' He saw Cuddy flinch in the corner of his eye.

The policeman's eyes swivelled to regard him, 'excuse me sir.'

'Dr,' House's tone was forceful, fed up of this jerk sitting across the way. This was hard enough without stupid prats like him making pointless comments.

'Excuse me 'DR' but I am currently interviewing miss:-'

'Dr,' House's eyebrows raised, if the guy was going to be a pain in the ass so was he.

'Sorry?' the policeman's brow furrowed confused at the repetition of the title.

'She's a Dr' he twitched his head in Cuddy's direction.

'Oh, sorry,' he clearly wasn't, well I'm am currently interviewing Dr Cuddy and I would wish you to either refrain from commenting or step out of the room. You are ruining the flow of the interview and of course Dr Cuddy must find it distressing to re-tell so your interruptions are making it harder, his smirk tipped House over the edge, he was poised to hit the policeman with his cane when he felt Cuddy's hand rest on his thigh to console him, the gesture done to calm, keep his anger at bay.

She looked at the officer, eyes clear, administrative head back on her shoulders. 'I'm terribly sorry but I feel it would be easier to make my statement to a female officer as you are clearly not that understanding of the situation or turmoil in which I have experienced. So I therefore refuse to continue unless it is to the ears of someone else.'

House could feel her shaking, the last remnant of strength leaking away, he placed his hand over hers lifting it into his palm squeezing it in an effort to allow his strength to flow into her, keep her going for the last final moments.

The policeman eyed them for a few seconds before rising from the chair, 'I am terribly sorry you feel that way. I shall go and get a female officer as you wish, excuse me.' He left the room, Cuddy breathing out as he did so, 'I thought you were going to floor him.'

'I was tempted.'

'Thank you, House but that kind of behaviour doesn't help.' Cuddy wasn't looking at him, her hand sliding from his grasp.

He felt guilty, his aim to help but he had succeeded in making it worse. As usual he poisoned everything around him, 'I'm sorry,' it was quite, barely a whisper but in the silence it rung out in the room. Her eyes snapped to his, a light frown emanating across her forehead at the alien phrase that just left his lips.

'It's ok,' her hand slipped back into his grasp. Her eyes never left face, blue on blue, he could feel the emotions, he thought had vanished with the morning, bubble back up, but he forced them back down, building bigger barriers over the surface; that was one area of his defences he deemed to stay in tack no matter how hard she hammered.

A snap severed their contact, Cuddy's eyes swinging to the door to regard a friendly female policewoman walking into the room. She sat down, regarding the papers before her, 'I'm terribly sorry, are you ready and willing to continue?' She gave a comforting smile, he felt Cuddy relax, gave her hand one more squeeze and she continued.

……………………

It was over moments later; the woman was the complete opposite of her predecessor and allowed Cuddy to continue her statement to the end, asking any relevant questions once Cuddy had finished re-living her nightmare.

Now it was all over, they were standing in the cool air outside the station, the wind whipping her hair from her face. He saw the first tear sparkle in the sunlight as it slid over her cheek. The silent anguish, the relief that the first stepping stone was over and she had made it…just. A tear for exhaustion, for sorrow, they began to fall fast and a light sob broke from her lips.

House stood frozen to the spot, rocking from foot to foot uncertain of what to do. He wanted to help, he didn't know how. He saw passers by regard them, curious as to what was happening, watching the show as a form of entertainment. He didn't want them to see her pain, no one saw Cuddy cry. He pulled her too him, wrapping her in his arms, holding her head to his chest, her tears leaking into his shirt, sobs muffled by his shoulder.

He just stood there, holding her, hiding her anguish from the world; his hands rubbing her back easing the pain out, allowing it to soak deeper into his skin, shouldering her burden, sharing the pain. He felt the sobs die down, her head lifted from his shoulder only to look him in the face, the last lingering tears still sparkling in her eyes, 'thank you.'

She looked so vulnerable, resting in his arms, he resisted the urge to cover her lips with his own, too fast, too soon, they were friends and that's all they would ever be. He sighed, 'Come on lets get you home.'

He saw the fear flood into her eyes, he was confused for a moment before he realised the thought that had entered her head, he smiled, 'my home, not yours,' he released her from his arms, allowing his finger to bump the tip of her nose in a affectionate gesture, 'I've got you now, you aren't escaping anytime soon.'

She smiled, it was sad, but a smile all the same, 'funnily enough House, for once in my life, escaping from you never even crossed my mind.' A little laugh escaped through the last lingering bubbles of sorrow, 'come on,' she pulled him over to the car, 'let's go.'

TBC

……………………

Please review!!! begs


	4. A Mixture of Emotions

_Ok the next chapter! Need to be in bed but decided to write and post this instead…I shall sleep in my lectures :D Hope you enjoy this chap as much as the last ones. It is still sad in places but does have a bit of happiness thrown in too...for every darkness you need a light right! Well I'm stuck in a dark whole too and your reviews light the way to the end…the more I get the brighter it will be and the sooner the next chapter will be up…hint hint! _

_**Reviewers:**_

_swiglo3000__: No you're right but it's artistic license :D I hope it didn't change your opinion of the story, it is there for a reason but maybe he was harsher than required. It wasn't one of my best chapters._

_HouseAddiction__: Here you go I've updated so don't cry! Lol! I hope you think this chap is just as good!_

_Tobylove__: Thank you! It is sad what happened to Cuddy and there will be sadder things to come but it will be happy at the end and House will be there to help her along the whole way._

_Kris the fanficaholic__: Oh thank you:D hee I feel all warm and bubbly now you think its amazing :D I'm so happy its going well hopefully the rest will be as good for you._

_gh2005__: Yay you read all three and reviewed…thank you! I am trying to work with the caring side of House but avoid losing who he is…I hope I'm doing that ok…I would hate for him to be ooc._

_Faith5x5__: Thank you! I am trying to make the story sad but beautiful and I love working with their relationship in this way._

_prinnie__: Oh no! please don't cry! It is a very hard plot to write, especially trying to keep them in character…thank you for saying I can write it. Emotions are hard to work with but they are fun to write :D  
_

_I loved the bit you quoted too…I like working with their friendship on this level and giving it a little something more. I'm so happy you thought it was beautiful! Ahh Huddy! _

Yeah I have read enigma and I loved it…as usual lol!

_Shoe: thank you! I intend to keep up the good work as often and best as I can!_

_jackie c2__: I hope I get through it…it is hard and I have gone down with a cold which isn't helping…the fresher's flu…woohoo! I have never worked with angst before and am enjoying it...I wanted it to be sad but tinged with a little bit of happiness. I love caring House too…ahhh just another side to this wonderful man :D_

_schokolade__: that was one very big reason for the police officer, he gave House the opportunity to be protective! The House/Cuddy stuff will develop slowly cos your right with all that is going on it can't happen now. I hate it when bad things happen to character and then five minutes later they're fine and jumping into bed with each other, it doesn't work that way so I'm trying to keep my story as true as possible._

_I love using description, and this fic is very different from my other stuff but I enjoy pushing my limits and seeing what else I can do…hopefully this is working well so far!_

_luv2luv-Hugh__: Thank you my little ditsy! I am pleased I made you smile…that was the intention! I love caring house…god he can give me a hug anytime…I have a cold…o you think he'd come and hold me, stroke my forehead while I sleep...mmm. Although he might be a bit sticky after the chocolate pudding lol…remember to clean him off first :D Lol…there we go I have got to it! Hi ho hi ho..it's off to work I go!_

……………………………

A Mixture of Emotions

She was curled up on the sofa, loose jogging bottoms and t-shirt covering her battered frame. She had nothing to wear and yet was reluctant to return to her home.

The place in which she rattled around before, the loveless walls and cold atmosphere would just abandon her to her memories allow them to flow freely nothing to distract her from allowing the nightmare to replay its self, 'what if's' constantly running through her thoughts, 'what if' she hadn't gone through the park, 'what if' she hadn't gone to see House, 'what if' she had left moments earlier or later, this whole thing could have been avoided, but it hadn't been, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and she paid a price.

So now here she was a ball of baggy cloth holed up in somebody else's home desperate to take shelter in their arms. If only she could bring herself to ask him for a hug, relax into his touch, she wanted him to hold her and yet her skin still crawled when ever anyone came near. It was as though her senses had been poisoned, rebelling against her, her eyes seeing it happen, her ears hearing the screams, and every touch reminder her of his hands over her skin.

She felt angry, impossible to blame a bodiless figure, a shadow running around the walls of her mind, she couldn't hate something she didn't know, couldn't see. She was awash with emotions, her feelings getting tangled and muddled, foreign ones now travelling freely through her but the overwhelming sense of injustice plagued her more than ever. She had to hate someone, hurt someone, pass the pain on to someone else other than her, why should she be the only one made to suffer.

She could hear House in the other room, the out of step hobble starting to irritate her in her already irate mood, 'WHAT IF?' What if she'd never come to see him, what if he'd never helped her, what if he'd never found out she wanted a child, she wouldn't be here, a shadow of the woman she once was. His curiosity, his constant questioning, determination to know everything about her, she loved it and she hated him for it. She wanted to hate someone, she wanted to hate him.

She watched him walk into the room, he was scruffy, looking as tired as her, he had no right; he hadn't gone through half the stuff she had, no nightmares tormenting her dreams every second of the night and ruining her thoughts through the day, he wasn't disturbed in sleep, what was this we, this was her problem, her bruises, her pain.

'Where were you?' her voice was quiet, yet forceful, tinged with the anger that was threatening to blow.

He frowned, 'when?'

'The night I was curled up on your door step,' she couldn't voice it as the night she was attacked, voice that and she'd never forget it, the same day every year brining with it an onslaught of pain and memories.

'Why does it matter?' he was still frowning, curiosity and concern etched across his face

Her voice was cold and forceful, 'I want to know, it matters to me,' she didn't look at him, voice still quiet but beginning to waver as her emotions leaked into it.

'I was at the pub with Wilson.' She could sense him cringe as he said it, a whispered admission to the night as though he'd done something wrong.

'You were laughing with your mate down the pub as I was attacked' she turned to face him, eyes wide and bloodshot as the tears began to fall freely. 'Having a good time were you, cos I sure wasn't.' she was digging for a fight, and was unable to stop, no matter how much her heart wanted to hold back, her head ploughed on.

The frown had gone, he was worrying, clearly concerned as her tensed as the poison coursed through her veins, emotions washing over her like a tidal wave. She needed someway of releasing them, needed to lash out.

'Lisa, why are you doing this?' his voice was quiet, head hung refusing to look at her, it was the first time she had every heard his voice shake, any form of emotion actually changing the tone, it didn't stop her onslaught as she watched him crack, and she hated herself for it.

'Why did you stick your nose into my business, need to know what I was doing.'

'I was curios, I had to know.' It obviously sounded lame to him, it was voiced so quietly she could feel him slipping away, but she had to push harder.

'Curiosity killed the cat, that's what they say isn't it. Well curiosity fucked up this time, it went for the wrong one, tried to kill me instead.'

His head snapped up, eyes glistening with tears he would never let fall, 'please stop it.'

She let out a harsh laugh, 'funny those are the words that left my lips that night, screaming over and over again, he never listened, why should I?'

He started to limp by her, desperate to get away as she hammered him with more emotional blows. She had never seen House so weak to her attacks, so guilty. She had found a vulnerable spot and was throwing a heavy onslaught until she smashed straight through, she wanted to see him crack.

He was leaving, running away, she wouldn't let him. As he moved by her, her leg lashed out crashing into his cane flinging it across the room, hauling herself to her feet.

He couldn't escape, unable to move without considerable pain, he was paralysed to the spot.

'It's your fucking fault' she pushed, he stumbled backwards, his worried gaze never left her face as he watched her hate for him build behind her eyes,

'sticking your nose into my business' another push, 'I wouldn't be hear if it wasn't for you,' harder this time, both palms banging against his chest as she pushed him back, he remained silent. 'If I hadn't come over here that night I wouldn't have been in the park, I wouldn't have been hurt.'

The tears were falling fast as her fist came in contact with his chest, she wanted him to fall, 'it wouldn't have happened, its all your fault,' her voice increased, the hitting becoming harder and faster, a constant onslaught from her fists as she pummelled them against him, 'I hate you, you bastard, its all your fucking fault, why couldn't you have left your fucking curiosity alone, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, I hate you, I hate you so much,' her voice was starting to break as her vision was misted by the tears, a waterfall of sorrow and anger crashing over her cheeks, 'I HATE you so much, I HATE you, I HATE YOU!' She was hitting him so hard, the last residue of her strength focused in her little fists desperate to cause him pain.

'Cuddy please stop, stop!' His hands clasping at her jumper as he lost balance trying to steady himself, it was in vain. She felt him fall beneath her in slow motion, her body tumbling with his, heard the scream of pain as he crashed to the floor, her body slamming over him, she continued her beating on his chest, his body sprawled beneath her. 'LISA STOP!' His fingers fastening around her wrists holding them tight. Her head rose to face him, inches away, she watched a tear escape and trail down his cheek, 'please stop, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'

It was a last final plea, whispered, his eyes tight shut as he fought against the rest of the droplets threatening to fall. She felt the anger die as quickly as it came, sorrow flooded through her as she watched the single pin prick of emotion trickle, following a path only it knew. She felt her heart crack, she had broken him and House didn't break, he had never shown any sense of remorse or sorrow and she had caused the words of regret to fall from his lips, she had made a grown man cry, cause him more pain and in watching it happen, causing it to happen she had only caused herself more anguish in the process.

'Oh…House…I'm so sorry….I…I,' the tears started to fall once more, not for her own pain this time, but for his, for the pain she'd caused him. Her head fell on to his chest, burrowing her face into him as his arms fastened them self behind her back, to hold her there. 'I'm so sorry, please forgive me.'

Her beg was muffled, whispered to his throat unable to look him in the face, frightened to see the pain flicker in his eyes once more. She could hear his harsh breathing against her ear as he tried to recover from the growing pain emanating from his thigh, he needed his Vicodin. She went to move but his hold was too tight, unwilling to relinquish, he held her there against her chest hands gently stroking her spine, comforting, calming.

'you're forgiven,' his voice was still weak, but the words echoed loudly in her ears, her body awash with relief as she borrowed deeper into his hold, face nuzzling against his neck as her arms wrapped round him. She never wanted to move, stay in his safe embrace for ever, his heartbeat slowing beneath her fingertips.

She felt the tears dry on her face as the sobbing subsided, her heartbeat returning to the constant slow pounding in her chest, her breaths deep and calm blowing against his skin.

They sat there for a moment, allowing the calm to cool there emotions and her thoughts and memories were allowed to flow freely once more.

'He didn't believe me,' she felt him lift his head. Hers remained downward not wishing to look him in the eye fearful of what she'd see.

'Who?' His voice rumbled in her ear, inquisitive but gentle.

'The policeman, he didn't believe me.' She felt his arm tighten around her, his clasp strong and safe.

'I think I know why that might have been,' his head nudged against her slightly, shifting it as though trying to encourage her to meet his eyes, 'look at me Cuddy.'

She rose slowly, arms still curled round him unwilling to let go, her hair tumbling round her face, the dark unruly curls wild and loose. 'Why?' She could feel her voice breaking again, emotions so strong it was impossible to keep them at bay, 'why didn't he believe me?'

House let out a long sigh, his long finger trailing over her cheek as he looked into her eyes. 'Front page news, a recent cock up amongst the police where they were lead on false accusations, many girls were coming in with a concocted story that was similar to yours, their aim was unknown but every lead was a dead end, many believed it was a method to distract police resources and attention away from other illegal occurrences but those theories were never proved.'

She nodded, 'and they believed I was one of them,' her eyes were down cast, darkened, he could see her slowly shrinking away once more, the knowledge of the news had the undesired impact, her losing hope that this evil figure would never be brought to justice and she would forever spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder waiting for him to strike again. Her harsh laugh sliced through the silence, 'what a waste of time, a fucking waste of time.'

She tried to turn away but House's fingers fastened round her chin, drawing her back round to face him, 'I don't ever want to hear those words again, do you hear me, nothing is ever a waste of time, you tried, that's what counts, you didn't give up and that's the Cuddy I know and lo-,' he swallowed, 'that's the cuddy I know, the old Cuddy, your sparks returning, don't let go out, don't let him win.'

He watched his words wash over her, her eyes cast down, thinking. 'yeah,' she allowed a weak smile, 'we tried, thank you,' his hand was slowly caressing her check, she brought her own up to clasp it, her head turning towards his fingers tips placing a light kiss in the centre of his palm. It sent light tingles working there way down his arm. He felt the feeling of desire ebb through him once again, a gentle pulse hidden behind his eyes.

She rolled from him, his eyes never leaving the tiny form swamped in his clothing, walking behind him he felt her hand settle in his hair, a quick ruffle sending his dark strands standing up on end, 'hey, he batted her away, 's precious you know, not much of it and your wearing it away.' she turned to look at him, his eyes trailing over her, 'Speaking of wearing, we need to get you some clothes, as loveable as you look in mine,' he grinned, 'I miss the old ones.'

He was wary how his reference to the old Cuddy attire would rest on her shoulders, his whole body tense with anticipation, waiting for her reaction. His eyes never left hers, a small smile settled on his lips softening his insinuation.

She stared at him for a moment, feelings flashing behind her eyes, before a little giggle escaped, he face lighting up when she allowed the smallest of smiles, the corners of her eyes wrinkling as the baby blues brightened. 'If you miss the old ones your welcome to wear them, I'm sure you'd look as loveable in mine as I do in yours.'

He frowned, 'that wasn't quite what I meant.'

Her face smoothed into shocked innocence, 'Really and there was me thinking your gazes at work were just admiring my outfits, but I suppose you right, pink really isn't your colour.'

He felt his heart bubble up, happiness flooding through him, she was playing, this little banter made him more light hearted than he had felt in months. The fact that she was still willing to play, her bouncy sparkle was retuning, no matter how slow, her hope and happiness was rushing back in and he loved watching it happen. He had returned the sparkle to her eyes and he could watch it forever.

She turned to walk away, the light bounce to her step becoming more prominent as the seconds past.

The bruises were healing in side and out, cuts coated and sealed. 'We do need to get your clothes though, unless you want to return home.' His voice was quite, wishing for her not to hear, but she did her ears well tuned to the tone of his voice.

The smile slipped from her face, sparkle flickering in the invisible breeze of his breath. 'I don't want to go home just yet, is that ok?' Shit he'd had enough, he was drooping her, she couldn't handle being in her home alone especially if House was no longer willing to hold her hand. 'Please let me stay.'

He saw her pleading look, regret coursing through him, he didn't want her to leave, he was giving her the option, if he had his way she would never leave. However having her in this close proximity was torture to his heart, wrenching it out every time he wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her and he was unable to. But he had been making himself miserable for years, finding pain and sticking alongside it, why changes the pattern of a life time?

'hey, of course you can stay, your welcome for as long as you like, I'm not going to leave you Cuddy, no matter how hard you push and there is no need to be nasty…pink is my colour, is sets of my skin tone perfectly, so don't be telling me otherwise.' He winked at her, happy and humorous, trying to lift her lips into a smile once more.

Around work this was never possible, the walls and constraints of her job tying her happiness down, no way she could let slip that she found him funny. Here behind closed doors she could laugh at him all she wanted and he loved it when she did.

Relief flooded into her face for a second, her chest heaving in a silent sigh. The moment passed and he watched as his comment rolled over her, her head falling back, an exasperated laugh echoing out the back of her throat. She lowered her head to look at him once more, allowing her eyes to flow over him freely in a manner that mirrored his own. 'Yeah pink would suit you I admit it, but blue is definitely your colour; it brings out your eyes.' She winked back, teasing as though holding back a giggle, 'not sure about the high heels though.'

'I'm willing to try,' he was grinning now as he watched her fight against him, trying to restrain the laughter threatening to burst.

'Ok, I'll go and have a shower and then you can take me to collect my clothes,' it wasn't a request, it was an order, she'd never go alone and he wouldn't let her.

He nodded, watching her as she wandered down the hall, only hearing her soft subtle laughter at the image of him in heels lightly echoing down the hall once she'd vanished round the corner.

He went to turn away, only to catch a glimpse of her in his eyes, his head snapped back as hers poked back round the corner, a grin now firmly planted across her face, the first proper one he'd seen in days, 'oh and I have just thought of the perfect pair,' with a quick wave of her fingers she vanished once more, leaving House to ponder and panic over what she had in store for him.

This wasn't going to be good, but if it made her smile, it was going to be worth it.


	5. A Whisper in the Wind

_Where've you all gone?? Eyes gazing out into the distance, you've all left me:( I only got half my normal reviews…very sad!!! Please come back!! I love knowing what you think, I'm sorry the updating is so slow I'm trying to write and do uni work at the same time but I am dedicating this weekend to write as much as I can and will try my hardest to update more often! It's not like I'm getting much sleep sigh my neighbor's keeping me awake so I will use those extra hours to write more lol! I hope you like this chapter it's a bit lighter than my last._

_Here you go mixy/prinnie as promised it was up today lol…I hope to see more of yours soon:)_

_As for the people that did review…thank you so much! _

_Reviewers:-_

_luv2luv-Hugh__: Awww blushes I'm pleased Cuddy's emotions came across so well!! Lol no, no don't eat House up…no fair then I can't have him after…stick to the chocolate pudding and licking it off him……:p much more fun (ongoing joke 2 people who don't get this…no I'm not weird…well not that weird:D)_

_Eleanor J.__: lol...Sorry me and my English words, generally its ok but some words just slip people up…it's the same when I'm reading US fics…I have to remember pants is not underwear…otherwise it can sound really funny :D! I loved the emotion in that part, I wanted it to be strong, powerful emotion because they had been through so much. I'm pleased it came over so well and House crying made my heart break when I wrote it...I felt so sorry for him :(_

_swiglo3000__: Artistic license…lol the best license around and its free with no age limit fantastic and I don't get any points on it for speeding!! Yeah I felt Cuddy needed to let some of her emotions out rather than bottling it up or crying, I felt that anger fitted, some people do deal with overflowing emotions in this way, I know I do._

_prinnie__: OMG! A Stella tantrum…everybody run and hide!!!!! Lol! Here's your update you've been patiently waiting for! A lot of my writing is around small little movements, it's what I used to bring the characters alive. I love writing them! I also really enjoyed writing this chapter, the emotion was fun to write and work with and it was good to build the House/Cuddy bond!! _

_I agree they so love each other…but you will just have to wait and see what happens between them…there's hell of a rollercoaster ride to come yet!_

_Tobylove__: you should know the way I write by now, drawing it out to the end, keeping you on the edge, me and my teasing little ways lol! House kissing Cuddy…you will just have to wait and see! I'm pleased the banters back too, its fun to write!_

_HouseAddiction__: don't worry I'm pleased you were able to read and thank you for reviewing when you were able too. I am so happy that part had so much emotion and it came across, I was hoping it would be a powerful scene and by the looks of things people thought it was YAY!!_

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**A Whisper in the Wind**

The car was rumbling around them as they drove to her House in silence. Her eyes were glazed, staring out the window as the world rushed by. She was still and unblinking, her hair tied into a tight bun, still wet from the shower.

His eyes flickered from the road over to her, only able to tear his eyes away for the briefest of seconds. His eyes came to rest on the back of her neck, the bare patch of skin; water trickling down like tear drops, vanishing inside the top of her sweat-shirt, continuing their journey down her spine causing her to shiver.

He watched her shake for a moment as the coolness tickled her senses, wishing to warm her up with his hands, warm her from the inside as well as out, leaking his own heat into her heart. The sting from the thought was hard and harsh knowing this would never happen. He sighed returning his eyes to the road, settling for another way to warm her, 'Are you cold? Do you want me to turn the heating up?'

He would have done it anyway but his need to smash through the silence was overwhelming, he didn't want to let her thoughts wander, or his own.

Her head turned slowly, her eyes slowly parting from the scene before her and coming to rest on him, the haze that had covered them clearing, her crystal blues twinkling as a smile flickered onto her lips. She nodded, 'yes please.'

The heat increased, his eyes never leaving the road, her eyes never leaving him. He could feel her stare boring holes into him, as though trying to read his mind. He hoped she couldn't, his feelings building for her each day, every smile; every touch, setting his senses on fire only to be doused with despair when the truth washed his way. He knew in his head, in his heart, that he would never be able to cover her soft lips with his own and kiss the pain away…didn't stop him thinking about it though.

Her eyes had left him, watching as her House appeared in the distance getting closer every minute. He pulled up outside, the noise of the engine dying as he pulled the key free and swung the door open.

The chill air stung their skin as they stepped out on to the road. His stare was focused on Cuddy, watching her standing there, hair whipping round in the breeze, skin shimmering in the dieing sun giving her an almost calm and surreal quality as though she would vanish beneath his finger tips, only a figment of his imagination.

He tore his eyes away, lifting them to the sky, the blue gradually darkening, slashed with red streaks, clouds tinted with gold as the fiery orb vanished behind them.

Her House was dark and bleak, its own windows reflecting her own; its life had left it. Only the reflection of the last rays of light glinting in the windows gave it any sense of life, it made them shimmer with hope.

She was still, just staring; he halted for a second before placing his hand at the bottom of her spine. The slight nudge forced her out of her haze, momentum pushing her forward, making her move, House still keeping her going, his constant helping hand, always behind her every step of the way.

She was walking forward, speed increasing with every step as she approached her door, keys jingling between her finger tips. The lock clicked with ease, door swinging open, the sent of her home wafting out, stinging House's senses as he was so close behind her. His hand was still inches away, reluctant to leave. With the briefest smile over her shoulder, she stepped into her home, House following closely behind.

…………………………

Her finger swept over the thin coating of dust, leaving a light trail. Silently she padded along the hallway, gazing round the four walls as she made her way to her room; House still following. He halted when they arrived at her room, remaining outside the door, listening to the rustling inside. She sighed, 'you can come in you know.'

His head popped round the door, eyes scanning the room before coming to rest on her, crouched over her drawer rummaging around in her clothes. Her voice was muffled, head face down, 'it's not like you haven't been in here before and I'm sure you looked through this particular drawer.' Her eyes lifted to face him, a little smirk playing on her lips, he couldn't believe it but she was making him blush, House was feeling embarrassed by his antics, the fact that he had raided her privacy.

'I'm sorry about that,' it came out harsh and gruff a rumble in the back of his throat. Her head snapped to the side, a frown firmly in place, 'what did you just say?'

His baby blues were staring at the ground refusing to meet her gaze; the obvious shock that those words could even leave his lips just left him feeling worse. 'I'm sorry.' It was clearer this time and his eyes flicked to her for a second, head still bowed, shameful and embarrassed. She was smiling.

The carpet shuffled beneath her feet as she wandered over, hips swaying lightly. Her finger slid beneath his jaw lifting his head to face her, eyes shimmering with curiosity. 'You're feeling guilty.' It wasn't a question, it was a statement. She only ever seen this look once before and it would stay with her forever.

Her hand brushed over his head, 'hmm, no fever.' House frowned, his shoulders slumping as she proceeded to joke. He was grateful, her jokes eased the situation, relaxing the tension and allowing his comment to mean something without making a mountain out of it. Cuddy knew him to well, he couldn't handle it if too much was made of his apology and he would ruin it within minutes.

He froze; skin still tingling from where her fingers had left him, watching as her head lowered to his chest. The closer she got the more it pounded to the point where he believed she could hear it without leaning in. Her finger tips were splayed over his torso, her ear coming to rest over his heartbeat. She jolted up, eyes wide with shock, 'you do have a heart!' her face broke into a grin, nudging him gently, 'I always knew it, but now I have proof.'

He allowed a small smile, contrasting against the frown on his forehead, 'you'd better not spread it around, you'll ruin my rep.'

'No one would believe me if I did,' She turned back to what she was doing, flinging piles of clothes on her bed. 'Now help me pack.'

'Are you sure you don't want to stay here?' He felt he needed to ask her one more time, desperate to have her stay and yet not trusting himself if she did. Having her in his home was putting his heart through more torture than it could withstand but he wanted her near, if it was his choice he'd never let go.

All trace of happiness fled, fear rushing into her eyes, he simultaneously hated and loved that expression. Hated the fact that she now feared being alone, the strong independent woman now needing someone by her side. Happy because that someone was him, she wanted him to help her.

'Do you want me to?' her voice was high, panicky. Eyes searching his as though trying to draw the answer out sooner, desperate to know if she would be staying on her own, without him to hold her.

'No,' he shook his head, he wanted her, she wanted him, for different reasons, but that was irrelevant.

She couldn't believe the relief that coursed through her body at such a simple word. The thought of spending the night alone was unbearable. She needed him to help her, his arms holding the fear at bay when her own were too weak, wrapping them around her so she could bury her face in his chest, block out the light, the tears and the memories that flowed with them.

There was another reason, which she chose to ignore, her head so messed up that her heart was confused. Her skin would tingle beneath his touch, hairs standing on edge, electrified, shivers shooting down her spine. In the car, his penetrating stare, she knew he was watching her, but she didn't know why. She'd shivered; those crystal blue eyes were enough to cool anyone to the core. Hot and cold at the same time, her whole system was a mess.

Confused, that was it, there was nothing there really. This was House, angry, aggressive, snarky and harsh. The problem was the normally rude and obnoxious doctor had a softer side, one which was breaking down her barriers faster than a sledge hammer, hitting straight through making her heart beat again.

Her heart wanted him, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the curve of his shoulders, his lean body, feeling the muscles ripple beneath her fingertips when she got too close. However her head told her otherwise, shooting conflicting messages, shouting louder than her heart ever could so it was drowned out by the sensations her mind inflicted.

Her skin still crawled at the thought of being touched. But as his fingertips trailed over more inches of her body each day, lulling her to sleep, comforting her, stroking her head, her back, her cheek, the fear stung a little less.

He was healing her, slowly, House was the remedy she needed, and right now his friendship was enough. Their relationship was rare, and she wouldn't, couldn't ruin it; not when she was so confused, when he was so open, exposed and caring.

She wouldn't play with him no matter how much her heart wanted to because her head had won, if she was honest it always did.

She'd wanted him before this, but her head said no and she listened, ignoring the constant beat of her heart when he came too near, eyes ablaze in an argument, pleading, penetrating. He had entered her heart and now she'd entered his home, problem was she didn't ever want to leave.

Her eyes returned to his. He was watching her, reading her, but he could never know how she felt, not now, not ever. He was helping her because she needed him, she was hurt and he was decent, the kind and care hidden beneath his own layers of pain. She allowed a small smile, tearing her eyes from his own, unwilling to allow him deeper into her thoughts in fear of being discovered.

He didn't want her, his boss, clinging to him for the wrong reasons and she didn't want to get hurt, at least no more than she was now, the pain of rejection from him would be harder and harsher than ever, more so than her memories. The final blow, extinguishing her last lingering spark.

She could still feel his eyes on her, burning into her back. She refused to turn, unwilling to look at him; her emotions too raw would be layered before him glistening in the windows to her sole. Breathing in deep, using her last ounce of strength to blow the emotions to the back of her mind, 'come on House, start packing,' voice light, empty of all emotion. It's what made her good at her job, the art of distraction, a wall of blank shielding her from the world. Her walls were returning and she was hoping House couldn't see through them.

She sensed him pause, knowing there were words he wanted to say, but he left them unspoken and turned towards her bed.

She watched him in the corner of her eye, folding her clothes with care and placing them in the case, a little glow emanating from her heart at the little gesture that meant so much.

She abandoned the draw, clicking it shut before turning and padding into the bathroom.

Her toiletries were spread out before her, ears picking up rustles and bangs from her bedroom, curiosity flaring up as she wondered what House was up to. The question was quickly answered as a long, hairy leg was reflected in the mirror, a pink stiletto balancing on the end of his toe.

His head popped round the door moments after 'what do you think, not sure if there my colour?' she saw his shoulders shrug before he vanished once more. The shock slowly faded; the wide eyed expression moulding into one of amusement. She shook her head to the side, brushing all the cosmetics into her bag before darting back into her bedroom.

House was sat on the edge of her bed, items of her clothing strew around him, causing her to roll her eyes; he could never resist snooping. 'House what are you doing?'

His gaze fell to the floor, hers quickly following. His feet were still squeezed into her shoes, her feet being half his size meant that his attempt to get his whole foot in had failed, it probably wasn't helped by the fact he still had his socks on.

Her eyes darted to him once more, eyebrows curved and questioning, 'House, why are you wearing my shoes?'

'Um,' he looked sheepish, 'seeing whether the colour went.'

Her head tilted to the side, eyes never leaving his own, 'colour went with what?'

'This dress,' He lifted the outfit into his fingertips, face holding the expression she knew only too well, he'd looked the same when he'd stolen her password. The whole I know I shouldn't have done it but I'm going to do it anyway and wait for your reaction. The little grimace on his face was always cute and she held back as a smile as his eyes kept flicking towards her.

She forced her lips into tight line, adding a frown in for good measure, 'House why have you been raiding my wardrobe?'

His shoulders were hunched in defence still waiting for the outburst from her which she knew would never come. 'I thought it would look good tonight.'

'Well blue is certainly your colour, but it might be a bit tight in places. It'll make your bum look big.'

He gasped in mock outrage,

'Besides you haven't got the boobs to fill it out.' She nudged her head towards his chest, still fighting her grin.

'No,' his eyebrows jiggled, 'but you have.'

She frowned, she was missing something, 'why would I be wearing it?' he mind starting racing over the conversation, 'wait a sec! What is happening tonight?' This was it, what he was afraid of, he was up to something and knew she wouldn't like it, she never did.

His eyes swung skyward before flying down once again to gage her reaction, 'we're going out to dinner.'

She crossed her arms over her chest, jaw jutting out; 'I don't remember agreeing to that.'

'Surprise!' a fake grin breaking out over his face.

'House, I can't go!'

'Well that's just unfair waving this underneath a man's nose and then never letting him see you in the wrapping, although ripping the wrapping off is much more fun don't you think?'

He was nervous, sarcastic barbs were coming off him hard and fast, he needed to make it a game but she couldn't let him win, there was no way she was going out, not looking like she did. 'House I didn't wave it in front of you; you got it out, your own fault, your punishment.'

He pouted, 'no fair.'

'Alls fair in love and war.' Her eyes shot open in realisation at what she'd said, her head whipping away from him.

He'd stopped talking, stopped teasing, just watching her like he always did, eyes boring into her sole.

The sentence wouldn't have mattered if it hadn't meant something.

That, that emotion, or something similar, wasn't currently the one raging through her, causing her the most confusion of all.

'Why don't you want to go Cuddy?' soft and lulling, his voice no longer playful, he was ignoring what she'd said, avoidance the only way he knew and it worked well for both of them, unspoken, unquestioned but not unheard; now just a whisper in the wind.

Her shoes fell from his feet as he rose, limping over to her. 'Come on why don't you want to go?'

She returned his gaze, her eyes stinging as the tingles of fear at what he wanted to do crashed over her but she refused to cry, 'Look at me, I'm covered in cuts and bruises, what would people think, what would they say?'

'It doesn't matter, who cares what they think?'

'I do' he head fell to face the floor, defeated, she didn't want people to see her like this, she still felt dirty and didn't wish to be stared at, their looks of pity or disgust only serving to make her feel worse.

'Come on Cuddy, you can't hide forever and I'll be there to hold your hand.' He allowed a weak smile, tentative, wary of how she'd react. She very rarely saw him as nervous as he was now and it made her braver. He was facing a fear, opening up, making himself vulnerable to her by not using his verbal sparing to deflect the moment, maybe it was time for her to face her own.

'Ok, but I get to pick the shoes,' he looked up relieved that she'd agreed, fighting back the happiness that threatened to bloom over his face. Had to remain gruff at all times, but she could still see the sparkle behind his eyes. She was seeing it more often now, and nowadays the shine was for her and no one else.

He smirked, 'not impressed by my taste and style then?'

'No, you stick to the trainers I'll stick to the stilettos, deal? Although if we waxed your legs they would look amazing.' She was smiling now, watching as House's face fell.

'No waxing and we have a deal.'

She giggled, 'ok, deal.'

She paused for a second, her laughter dying down fast, 'What about Wilson?' She wasn't sure she was ready for other people she knew to see her. So far House had been deflecting the many questions. Inquisitive people who were too curious for there own good. They were all wondering where the Dean and Head Diagnostician had gone.

He had been managing to make there absence seem unrelated, even to Wilson, which amazed her. She liked things the way they were, but knew in the bottom of her heart she had to return to work and face the rumours. She was dreading it, not because of what people thought had happened, hell they'd been thinking things for years, it was the fact that she now wished the rumours were true, so trying to deny them was going to be so much harder.

The worst of it all was on the day of her return she was going to have to relive her nightmare to the hospital, explain the truth of her absence to the board and that was one tale she didn't want to tell.

House frowned, 'what about him?'

'Isn't he coming?'

'Nope, just you and me; a friendly dinner between friends,' he winked, knowing she couldn't face other people. Besides he wanted to keep her to himself for a little while longer, he was never into sharing and the fact that she relied solely on him at the moment was the way he liked it.

He gathered her bags, 'Right you got everything?'

Her eyes scanned the room once more, the four walls so cold and bare compared to his home. He filled it with life and in comparison her own House felt empty. 'Yeah, I've got everything.'

She took some of the bags from him, not wishing to see him struggle; he looked like he wanted to protest but relented. 'Right, let's go.' They both stepped out of her door, locking it quickly behind her before strolling down the path to the car. House, as always, following closely behind.

TBC

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_Please review!! begging I really would like to know what you think because I'm still not certain this is coming out right. It is very hard to write and keep them in character…do you think I'm doing a good job or not?_


	6. Unspoken

_Ok here's the next bit! I promised it would be up sooner…so here we are. I am now snowed under with work lol the things I do! Thank you so much for all your reviews last time it is nice to know that my fic is in character because this type of storyline is very hard to write and trying to keep them in character is always a challenge! Please review they are like vicodin…addictive but I love the high lol! _

_Reviewers:- _

_swiglo3000__: Thank You :D_

_Faith5x5__: I'm pleased you thought that was funny. Lol it brought a smile to my face for most of the night!_

_lovesbones__; Yay you think there in character! I was really worried. It's so difficult to do, as you mentioned, the circumstances make it very complicated. _

_DCI Panda__: Out of character behavior….hmm I wonder what that could be. Well there will certainly be some ooc but me being me…I love a good build up lol._

_Shannyn: Thank You! I'm pleased the emotion comes across so well because that is what I focus most on this fic. It is meant to be very emotional so you saying moments are heartbreaking is very flattering._

_RogueButterfly__: Thank You! I'm pleased they are in character!_

_Tobylove__: Posting POSTING!!!! Please don't get me lol! _

_HouseAddiction__: I was worried the shoes were ooc but it was funny so I had to do it….lighten the fic up a bit. Here is the dinner!_

_house's phoenix__: I'm pleased you like it and I intend to keep it coming as often as I can!_

_simbagirl__: Yay you loving it :D me very pleased!!_

_NaiveEve__: Oh that was high praise!! I am so happy you think it's beautifully written! I try so hard to write it well the descriptions and feelings….when it doesn't go right it can get really frustrating sometimes lol._

_the.sage: My porn's not subtle lol….you just have to wait for it…good things come to those who wait. :D_

_luv2luv-Hugh__: Awwww blushes!! Yay it made you laugh lol! You are so impatient as I have already told you!! You must wait for your smut but I plan to write you something special just to keep you happy :D_

_Kris the fanficaholic__: lol sorry what was that….you want more?_

_schokolade__; yes a rape fic is very hard to write…bordering on impossible. It's so hard not to have the characters ooc because it is such a sensitive subject with an un-sensitive character having to deal with it I.e. House and I refuse to make him too caring because it doesn't work. I am so pleased you don't think it is unrealistic and you think my descriptions are good!! Lol so far so good!!_

_Axelchick: You're mesmerized!! blushes oh thank you!! I'm so pleased the characterization is right! That was a beautiful review and has made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside…Thank You!!_

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Unspoken

His cane was tapping against the floor boards, rhythmic and constant banging to a single beat in his mind. He was watching, waiting, she'd been getting ready for hours, the clock was ticking in the background, silence the only other sound in the room.

He could see her darting in and out of his vision only a dark image in the shadows. His patience was running short, desperate to see the finished product, his interest less platonic than he wished it to be.

His palms were sweating, alternatively rubbing them over his suit pants as he bounced the cane back and forth between his fingertips.

She was beautiful, but before, her beauty was something to be admired in passing, looked at and watched, now he wanted to touch, the one thing he couldn't do.

The silence was broken, her voice floating in from across the hall, a delicate hum that wrapped itself around him, breathing into his ears, mind misting over as it lulled him into a trance.

His eyes were focused on an invisible point in the distance as his mind wandered, images of her bursting into his brain, fresh from the shower, soft and warm, lingering liquid running over her skin, his fingers following the shimmering trails as he stroked her. His lips kissing every inch of her body, her nails crawling over him, scoring and scratching marking her territory as he made her his, hearing her call out his name. She haunted his dreams, he woke up every time sweating and hard, her lying only across the hall, an arrangement he'd insisted on…having her near was no longer safe.

His cane clattered to the floor, the remnant of her cries echoing round his mind.

'House?'

He jolted, his frame jumping ever so slightly, stooping down to snatch his cane up before it rolled out of his reach. He rose slowly, turning to face her.

His heart stopped.

Blood ringing in his ears, mouth dry, breathing hard and harsh as his eyes danced over her. Dark, loose curls cascaded over her shoulders, framing her face. Her bright blue eyes darker than ever, sparkling, reflecting the light as it twinkled in their depths. Her lips were full, pouting, the gloss making them shimmer as his eyes paused for a second watching the tip of her tongue trail over them, teasing and taunting, blood rushing southward along with his eyes.

She was wearing the navy dress, tied behind her neck, straps pushing her boobs higher, the creamy white skin nearly spilling over the edge. Under the bust was a pale blue band, beneath it the dress flowed out over her hips, swaying around her, falling just below her knee. House bit his lip, restraint, trying to still his growing desire, impossible to ignore as it hollered in his ears.

She coughed, his eyes snapping up to meet hers, catching a glimpse of a smile before it vanished leaving no trace behind. 'I need your help.' She turned, the skirt floating and swirling, skimming over her ass and bouncing beneath it. 'Can you do the zip for me?'

Her fingers released dress, it fell open exposing her back before him, the low zipper dipping to the base of her spine. He wanted to help her out the dress not into it but he complied, hobbling forward, tugging at the zip, dragging his knuckles over her skin as it rose.

She shivered.

His fingers caused her skin to tingle, warm breath tickling over her. She let her hair fall from her fingers, the curls bobbing down over her shoulders once more. He was silent, watching her the whole time.

………………..

He wanted to tangle his fingers in her hair, pulling her back against him, sinking his mouth down onto her throat, lips caressing it as she moaned into his ear. He felt his fingers twitch.

She looked over her shoulder, her eyes meeting his, 'thanks.'

She spun round, the skirt flying high exposing even more flesh for a mere second, 'do I look ok?'

Ok? OK? His mind was screaming, she looked more than ok, hell no words under the sun would describe how delectable she looked, the flouncy material flowing over her delicate frame. 'Yeah you look fine.' There was no way he would ever admit more than that, the word stunning would never leave his lips, but it continued to bounce around inside, his heart beating in time with his thudding thoughts and constant throbbing. He needed to re-gain his control.

'I hope your taking something to keep you warm, wouldn't want you to freeze your ass off, it would be such a waste.'

She smiled, vanishing into the bedroom, shawl swirling round her shoulders.

'Right you ready to go?' he saw her falter, the smile slipping from her face as she paused, his head snapped over his shoulder, watching as her eyes darted over her reflection before turning back. 'Cuddy what's wrong?'

He heard her breath, deep and slow, watching as her fingers slipped over her wrists wrapping round them, as though trying to rub something away. 'Cuddy?' he needed to know what was wrong, something was bothering her and he wouldn't rest until he knew what it was.

Her head snapped away, blanking her reflection from her eyes as they squeezed shut. 'They're still there.'

He didn't need to ask her what they were, his eyes zoned in on her wrists and the small purple bands still staining her skin. Most of the bruises had healed, marks vanishing everyday, fewer reminders for the memories, but the stubborn ones still lingered, deep and dark, scored into her skin.

'Cuddy, you look fine.' He wasn't one for comfort, alien territory. He voiced what was needed, his true opinion remaining silent, afraid of being heard. He kept his feelings inside, ensuring they remained hidden. Only his eyes gave him away.

She looked at him, uncertain, conflicting emotions running over her face, fear, loss, and a trace of sadness lingered in the darkness. Her eyes were watching his, searching, trying to see something more. He turned away.

He took a moment to gather his coat; building the barriers back up, 'You ready?' he looked up. She was still watching, but her own face was passive and clear. She nodded, flinging a shawl over her shoulders, walking to the door.

…………………….

The journey was silent; both lost in there own thoughts, his of her, hers unknown. He could feel his breath tight in his chest as his eyes travelled over her body, slowly sliding up the smooth skin of her legs, the material sitting high, exposing a tantalising amount of her thighs. How he wished to have them wrapped round him.

He breathed out, hard and harsh, emptying his lungs of all oxygen in an effort to starve his mind and imagination. It broke the silence, her eyes flickering to him for a moment before her lips parted. His eyes fell on them, soft and silky shimmering in the light flooding the car. He blinked, 'sorry?'

'I asked if you were ok.' She was frowning, clearly confused.

His eyes fell back on the road, forcing them from her, feeling bad for his thoughts. 'Shouldn't I be asking you that?' he needed to draw her from the subject, he had no answer, not an honest one. I want to fuck you didn't seem so appropriate at the moment; although right now he had a feeling fucking isn't all it would be. He didn't want her for his owns gains, his own pleasure; he wanted her to want him, for him to make her happy and to give pleasure in the only way he knew how.

'I'm fine,' she refused to waver, his distraction techniques too common for her to be caught, 'you on the other hand seem stressed, why?'

His hands were sweating against the wheel as he pulled into a parking space, shaking his head trying to dislodge his thoughts, finding his equilibrium, where he was comfortable. 'Don't like ties' he tugged at the offending garment round his neck, although he was pretty certain it wasn't what was causing the tight sensation in his chest. Her eyes rolled,

'You didn't have to wear it.'

'Yes I did, we're going to a fancy restaurant remember, they have a dress code. Although,' his eyes dropped down, 'I wouldn't call what your wearing a dress, it barely covers the essentials.' He waggled his eyebrows, allowing his eyes to flow over her, indulging in being able to do this without arousing suspicion.

She shook her head, hiding a smile, 'come here.' She leant over; House's whole body tensing as her dress fell forwards, exposing the dark tunnel between her breasts, the tone contrasting against the creamy white flesh. Her hand slid over his left thigh, steadying her-self as she reached out for him, fingers fastening around his tie. Her hand was way to close, he could feel her fingers nudge in between his legs inches from his groin, the heat emanating through his trousers becoming more un-bearable with every second.

His head fell back against his shoulders, hiding his face from her as his eyes squeezed shut, teeth grinding trying to ignore the southward shooting sensations, this couldn't happen tonight, he wouldn't give himself away.

He flooded his mind with unpleasant images as she sorted him out, her breast brushing up against his shoulder as she pulled him to her to get a better grip. He felt the tie fall loose, her hands smoothing over his chest before the warmth from her body left him, the cool air flooding in once more.

'Is that better?'

His eyes flew open, head falling, turning to look at her catching a faint smile before it fell from her lips.

He nodded; afraid his voice would fail him. He was mentally kicking himself, he was a grown man, he should be able to control himself, and here he was nearly losing it when his boss leaned over to do his tie, he really needed to get out more.

'Ready?' he could still hear the traces of fear in her voice as she spoke, her own façade of braveness wasn't fooling him.

'You sure you're ok? We don't have to do this. I'll ruin my rep if anyone see's me in a suit, especially with the boss, they'll think I'm a suck up.'

She smiled, 'yeah I'm fine, you'll never be described as a suck up, you have nothing to fear. Me on the other hand, my sanity is already being questioned.'

'I've never questioned it; I always knew you were mad.'

A light laugh escaped, her breath tickling his skin, 'right let's go.'

They rose from the car, the chill night air wrapping itself around them, the darkness flooding in. She shivered; he watched her spine tremble, the moonlight reflecting off her skin, shimmering over her body, weaving in and out of her hair.

She started to stroll towards the doors, her hips lulling him into a trance as he watched them sway, the dress dancing over her skin. It twirled round as she came to an abrupt halt, her hair whirling over her shoulder as she snapped round, turning, her eyes fixing on his.

They trailed over him for a second before coming to rest on his face once more, 'you coming?' She nudges her head in the direction of the restaurant, a tainted smile on her lips, something unknown written beneath the surface.

Her words break him free, stumbling forward in an attempt to get his body working again, fighting against the rebelling sensations which are driven by the woman before him.

She waits.

He goes to walk by her, unsure of her intentions, not wanting to ask why she was just watching him walk. He looks ahead, his eyes focused on his aim, unwilling to allow them to fall on her again fearful he'd lose it.

Her arm shot out, sending simultaneous jolts of fear and desire through his body as her fingers lace round his arms pulling him to her. The smile remained, still tainted and unclear. He wished he knew what she was thinking, what she felt, about her, about him, about them.

He was so confused. His mind was the only thing that kept him going, intelligence and certainty driving him forward. These reactions were unknown, strange and unclear, muddling his mind to the point of insanity. He knew the cause:-

Her.

The catalyst causing the eruptions of chemicals to course through his veins. He knew the cure, the cure was untouchable. Too much had happened, too much had passed, he'd been living as a half all his life, a fraction of the man he could be, her, the only other half to make him whole.

His heart was the one puzzle he couldn't work out.

Emotions were a bugger.

His eyes fell on her arm, linking itself round his own, 'What are you doing?'

Her face was alight as she watched him squirm, clearly uncomfortable with the contact, oblivious to the real reason why, she giggled, the vibration tingling, his heart beating as she leaned into whisper in his ear, 'I'm attempting to really ruining your rep.'

She lightly tugged him forward, him holding onto her as she held onto him, her body brushing his lightly as they moved in unison, strolling into the restaurant arm in arm.

…………………………….

The evening had been pleasant so far. They were sat in a secluded corner looking out over the dining hall. Grand, dark wood, deep red tables, low lighting.

The dinner had been beautiful so far, the laughter rolling freely. House's antics making her smile, his attempts to be polite while the frustration flickered in his eyes made her giggle, he never was one to hold his tongue and the tiny bit of patience he had, had been sorely tested by the waitress.

The main courses were now steaming before them.

'Beautiful,' he watched as Cuddy breathed in the aroma's, her fork twirling in the pasta before it lifted to her lips.

House turned to his own dish, slicing the steak. It came to rest on his tongue, a burst of flavours exploding as the tender meet dissolved in his mouth.

She was watching.

'Anyone would think you want a bit?'

Her eyebrow lifted, 'that's probably because I do.'

'No way, its all mine,' he pulled the plate closer to him, even in a posh restaurant there was still room for immaturity.

'Did you mother ever teach you to share?'

'Yes, she taught me to share with other children. You're not a child, obviously.' His eyebrows waggled once more, his sexual innuendos the only way in which he could voice his thoughts. He didn't mind her having his food, but she'd have to work for it first, she'd know something was up if he didn't.

She rolled her eyes, watching his big grin as he lifted the steak to his lips once more. Her hands snatched out too fast for him to react, her fingers sliding over his as the fork came to rest in her mouth, teeth dragging over the end pulling the meat from it, his eyes watching as it vanished between her lips.

Her hand remained on his, his skin tingling beneath it as he watched her tongue as it swirled round, tasting the flavours, 'mmmm' her head fell back on her shoulders, her throat exposed before him, tempting to sink his teeth into, that meal more appetising than his own. Her little rumble of approval still rang in her ears; his cock jolting with every twirl of her tongue, imagining how it would feel around him.

Her eyes fluttered open, deep blue and dark. 'It tasted as good as it looked.'

I bet you do to he thought, his mind on fire, eyes still staring into her own. He was hard; his want for her strong, her little moans of pleasure had been enough to attract his attention and watching the contours of her throat as she swallowed had almost driven him over the edge, his mind enforcing the erotic imagery, vivid and bold. All she needed to do now for her to know something was up would be to look under the table, the evidence would be right there before her.

He cleared his throat, trying to control the constant throbbing, he needed to change the subject something that would calm his senses and cool his mind.

'I need to go back to work next week.'

Yep that would do it.

He remained silent for a moment, contemplating what to do. He missed the puzzles. For all his complaining he liked the daily challenge, testing his mind to the end, the adrenaline rush as he raced against time, the one race he could win.

But he didn't want her to go, the more she returned to her old life the further she drifted. The stronger she got the less she'd need him and he liked her needing him to lean on, it gave him purpose rather than existing as an empty shell, drugs rattling around inside. His drinking habit has lessened along with his pills, unable to help if he was drugged up or drunk. So he had bit back the pain and remained there to support her, support she was beginning to no longer need. He had succeeded in relighting the spark so why did he feel like he'd lost?

'Are you sure? It's only been a week Cuddy?' His face was set and serious, not giving anything away.

'I'm sure, I'm going to go mad with only four walls to stare at. It will be nice to have something to occupy my mind, even if it is only paper work.' His eyes fell on her fingertips stroking the stem off her glass, the golden liquid reflected in her eyes as she swirled it round.

He knew the dreams still plagued her thoughts; he'd caught glimpses of her, eyes still glistening as the night flickered over her eyes. The occupying of her mind meant a distraction and the four walls would only drive her insane as her memories bounced off of them. She wanted to return to work to stop her thoughts all together, work the one way in which she could escape, return to the busy life where she could only work, not think.

'If you're sure that's what you want.'

'I am, besides you need to head back too, think of all the clinic hours you've missed.' She allowed a weak smile, injecting some humour into the conversation. She let out a laugh at his grimace.

'I'm not catching up.'

'I don't expect you too. Trying to make you do the ones that week is hard enough. The effort of making you do the ones you've missed is not worth it.'

'Victory!'

She rolled her eyes, head shaking lightly. 'So I'll sort that all out tomorrow, the sooner the better, I dread to think what state the paper work is in.'

It was his turn to roll his eyes. 'Dessert?'

…………………….

The deserts had just been delivered when it happened. Her whole body slumped in her seat, arms falling into her lap as she seemed to sink lower.

His brow furrowed, 'What's the matter?'

'They're staring at me; they were looking at my bruises.'

House's head flew over his shoulder, catching an old couple surveying them, the old woman's eyes tinted with pity before falling on him, shaking her head and turning away.

House turned back to look at Cuddy, her eyes were cast downward. 'She thinks I did it.'

Cuddy's head flew up, eyes darting to the couple once more before coming to rest on him. 'But you didn't.'

'So she's got it wrong, people do.'

'I'm sorry.' Her head fell forward once again, clearly feeling guilty.

'Cuddy, I'm the last person to care what people think. Who cares? You look bea-, you look fine, lets just enjoy the rest of the night yeah?'

He cursed himself, he couldn't say it. No matter how hard he tried the words wouldn't leave his lips, too afraid of her reaction and how his words would be received, alien to his lips, and alien to her ears.

She nodded, her hand coming over the table to squeeze his, 'Thank you, I've had a lovely night. I'm sorry if I've ruined your rep.' a small smile blossomed over her face once more.

'My Rep, ruined? I'm out with a sexy woman, hell my rep has just rocket off the scale. The guys will think I'm a god.' He flicked his hair, eyes coming to meet hers before descending to his desert once more.

……………………….

The night had ended. He had paid the bill, much to Cuddy's shock, but there was a gentleman in him somewhere.

She had stumbled up the steps, the wine still flooding her system his arm holding her steady, supporting both their weight as he opened the door.

She was now sprawled out beside him, hair loose, falling over her face. He watched her chest rise and fall, her breathing slow as she slept, lips parted air flowing in and out, skin smooth the low light softening her features.

He wished he had said something more tonight. The words had frozen every time they left his lips.

He was relieved the night had turned out so well and even though he hated the fact she was returning to work it was probably for the best. He couldn't have her round him everyday without giving something away.

His eyes fell on the bruises, the lines still wrapping themselves round her wrists. He allowed his thumb to brush over them lightly. His eyes darting to her, ensuring she was a sleep before lifting them to his mouth. His lips pressed down over the bruises, a soft lingering kiss his eyes never leaving her face. 'You're not just fine, you're beautiful.' He allowed her wrists to fall from his fingertips.

His finger slid beneath a lock of her hair, brushing it from her face watching her for a moment, indulging in being able to stare unhindered, look all he wanted, feed his imagination so he could remember her when she walked away. When she went back to being his boss, him her employee. One who's more trouble than he's worth.

In the lonely nights, lying in the darkness this will be how he will remember her, the women of his dreams, the only one with the key to his heart.

He brushed his thumb over her bottom lip lightly, needing to feel the softness beneath his fingertips just once. 'Yeah,' he sighed, 'the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.'

He rose, dropping a blanket over her before limping from the room. His door slammed shut, darkness engulfing the room. Blue eyes shot open, her dark orbs staring out into the silence. She lifted her thumb trailing it over her lip before running it over her wrist, the kiss still lingering on her skin.

Her eyes fluttered shut once more, she sighed, happy and content, a smile breaking out over her face as she snuggled down and drifted off to sleep.

TBC

…………………….

_Please review…..that's it go on click on the submit review button you know you want to….pretty please :D_


	7. The Dying Sun

_Woohoo this chap is complete. It's been a bit of a whirlwind the past couple of weeks - I have had tonsillitis and my birthday was last weekend…party, party lol now I'm drowned under with work…oh well :( but here it is…angst…low point in the rollercoaster…its going to be a bumpy ride!! Hope you enjoy it!!_

_Disclaimer…not mine!!_

_Reviewers: WOW!!!!!! _

_Darkie: thank you! I intend to keep them coming as often as I can :)_

_manowar101: Thank you…I need to show a softer side of house without losing him too much. Its difficult to get the balance right but fingers crossed I'm doing ok so far!_

_Vodka Martini__: ooo what I would give to have one of those right now….sorry got focused on ur name lol! I'm ignoring my essays while writing it too lol! Thank you- I'm blushing at the lovely comments- you think my writing styles beautiful :)_

_ADASakura__: lol here you go!_

_kismetindy__: Yay I'm pleased you reviewed the more the merrier and I love knowing what people think…I'm pleased I got the romance but I hope they were in character...lol romance and house are two words never normally in the same sentence!!_

_DesertAire__: Thank you! I have tried so hard to be true to there characters if this situation ever occurred! I an all out confessed huddy fan lol! Cam is a good character but I agree it would be too stereo typical and her and house just wouldn't work well! Cuddy is his equal!_

_simbagirl__: Beautiful :) I love it when my fics called beautiful because that was my aim from the start - sad but emotional and beautiful._

_Shannyn: ooo very good! This is one hell of a roller oaster ride and there are a few more dips to come before we come to the end of the ride (which will be happy!)._

_starstacey__: Thank you! I try to keep them in character as much as possible…I hate it when they stray too far. _

_DCI Panda__: -Blushes- thank you! _

_shoe : Lol…thank you…here's more!!_

_RogueButterfly__: well you couldn't read it with your eyes shut lol! I was a fun chapter to write…hard not to make it too sappy but I'm pleased with the way it came out. I love writing the kissing bits…there will be many more to come!!_

_Relative Minor__: OMG thank you so much…I have a huge grin!!! That is the highest praise I have ever received! Best fic??? I'm completely bowled over!! WOW:D_

_DancingDivaXX__: lol don't worry so has mine!!_

_Witchhazel5: It is a very hard subject to write about especially with a character who is not normally the comforting kind. Its also a little deeper and darker than my other stuff but I am enjoying the challenge!_

_Axelchick: Lol…I love detail I have so much fun writing descriptions!!! Don't worry there will be a happy huddy ending. Thank you for having confidence in my writing…I will try my best not to let you down!!_

_Emmapeel: Thank You!!!_

_HouseAddiction__: Lol thank you as always…I love your reviews!!_

_Jordan: thank you so much!!! I try to stay true to character as much as possible. I'm flattered that my writing has that effect on you and you loved the last chapter so much!_

_NaiveEve__: Thank you…house minds is a confusing place to be lol…the little man is so lost and _

_confused! I'm a sucker for helpless in love house too…that's why I like writing it so much…we get to see a different side!_

_crazychicken-79__: Thank you! Lol with me you need patience…they will get together...eventually :P_

_luv2luv-Hugh__: god aren't you a bossy boots miss moo lol! Ok ok ok I'll write more…sniff you drive me like a slave! Thank you….high praise as always from my huddy buddy!!! I was going awww while writing it lol…House's hidden feelings just make me go all tingly lol! Oh and I haven't got whipped cream out of my head all day, couldn't do my work:P_

_the.sage: Lol!! Thank you_

_Eleanor J.__: Thank you! I love writing this stuff too!!!_

……………………….

**The Dying Sun**

He was lying there listening to the gentle rustle of her footsteps, her feet padding over his carpet as she wandered round his home. His eyes mesmerised by the sun rays rippling over her as she rushed around.

It was her first day back.

He had been watching for the past hour, her unknowing of his gaze as she wandered back and forth past the crack in his door on the way to her bedroom. He always thought of it as hers, filled with her stuff scattered in neat piles over the floor. The piles would disappear her vanishing with them when the time came to return to her own home, her life, living it without him.

He was dreading it.

Having her here lit his whole house up, her vibrancy and life filling every edge of the room. Her withered flame was still enough to warm him on the outside and in. Her happiness and heat radiating through him as he made her smile, the little giggles that echoed from her rumbled through his body, tingling his senses making him feel alive. A feeling that had been absent for so long, too long

In the process of repairing the damage and making her spark burn bright she had dragged him out of the darkness, both their flames now glowing brighter with every passing day.

Hers unsure, his unwanted.

He wanted to remain uncaring, harsh, with a bite to his words but every nip was now softened, not leaving another careless mark on her skin. It had healed, slowly the physical reminders vanishing before her eyes as the skin knitted together protecting her soul. His breath never too harsh afraid he would blow her down, hurting her would only wound him in the process.

He hated being vulnerable and she had his heart in her hands and wasn't even aware of it. Whether this was better or worse he didn't know. Her lack of knowledge meant she couldn't inflict pain knowingly, but had the potential to be careless. The problem was he couldn't change, not at work, the reputation he had tried so hard to build would crumble around him if he allowed any care to leak from his lips and every harsh reply she sent him, every extra tear he made her cry, stung a little bit more every time.

He watched as a blur of colour vanished before his eyes, barely registering her before the bathroom door slammed against the wall alerting him to her destination. He frowned, his ears picking up the tell tale sounds, Cuddy's breakfast leaving her body a little too soon.

He jumped; the momentary panic of her being ill. His right leg hit the floor moments before his left, crumpling beneath him. The pain was electrifying, his hands grasping at the bed in an attempt to remain up right, frozen, unable to move, fingers wrapping around the orange bottle as he bit his lip in an attempt to stem the cries of pain threatening to escape. He collapsed on the bed, two vicodin diving down his throat, bitter and dry.

Shaking his head, he rose with more care, fingers grasping his cane as he fell, using his momentum to propel him forward.

He staggered to the bathroom, finding her crumpled and pale on the floor, beads of sweat shimmering on her forehead.

'Hey, you ok?' he leant against the door, not wishing to get too close; she wouldn't want him crowding her.

'Yeah I'm ok now.' She pulled her self up, cold water splashing against her skin washing the ruined make up from her face, the mascara staining her eyes before the black was quickly chased away.

'You nervous?'

'No…maybe a little.' She smiled up at him, it was weak, her eyes still dim, slightly dizzy on step as she walked past him. 'I've been feeling a bit queasy for a few days now, first time I've been sick though.' She shrugged, vanishing out of sight. House frowned, neurons firing messages he wished he could decipher. The same thoughts would be rattling around his brain until he recognised one of them, his mind focused on this one thought, this one feeling, why or what in that split second had made him waver.

……………………….

They were separate, her in early, him in late, the charade of their absence not being linked.

Eyes followed them as they passed, questioning and curious, whispers rustling around.

……………………….

He had been sat there for an hour, slumped low, eyes skimming the edge of his magazine focused on a point in the distance. He was knowing but uncaring of the looks he received, doing nothing, as usual, his true intent unknown to the world.

He was watching her, her head held high, surrounded by a desk full of people. Hidden, his eyes locking on her every move, watching as her nightmare spilled from her lips, relived behind her wall of iron, expression blank and emotionless staring forward while the eyes and ears of the people soaked in the reason for her absence.

The look of shock, disgust and pity, melding together, House saw it all. Silence, stunned speechless, unsure, eyes whirling round the room in an attempt to gage others' reactions and gather together in support and comfort. Mouths began to move, empty words of care flowing from them, the words remained unreadable his whole attention focused on her.

She ignored them all, her eyes snapping to his, sensing his gaze. He nodded to himself, it was over. She'd stayed strong and he'd been there every step of the way, her shadow of support hidden in the dark.

He stood, slamming the magazine on the table, vanishing before she could catch him, not wishing to speak, his feelings strong and raw as he watched her, the alien emotion of admiration hitting him hard.

His eyes reluctantly tore themselves from her, stinging as he walked away. His fingers wishing to wash away the mask, reveal the emotion beneath, kiss the mouth to drown out the empty apologises, an antidote to the harsh poison that had spilled from them, the memory still lingering, haunting her when she stopped to think.

Her eyes burned into his back, calm yet confused, watching as he disappeared from view, eyes returning to the empty space he'd occupied moments before.

She wished to follow, she had to stay.

The shallow, meaningless comments buzzed around her as his words repeatedly rattled round her mind once more, his admission of beauty, so unlike him it hurt, the need for her to see him say it, feel his hands on her again, caressing her skin, exploring, fingers travelling beyond her wrists, his healing hands stroking over her. She longed for it to happen and yet knew it never would.

She shivered, her body reacting to her image, her dream. She excused herself from the room, hovering in the hall. She'd seen it, his eyes bright and wary. She'd known he was watching, knew he would be there; he always was even before the incident, him hiding behind the scenes, taking in her every move. He was putting her pieces together, one by one in his mind he made her whole, his puzzle forming the image of who she was in his eyes. If only she knew him so well.

She turned to her office, not knowing he was still staring, her shiver, her hesitation, watching her the whole way until her doors shut hiding her behind them, him finally walking away.

-------------------

He'd heard it, waiting outside for her to emerge. He'd been lingering in the clinic, talking to Wilson. She'd darted passed, unquestioning of his lack of work eyes panicked, wobbling on her heels in a controlled rush not wishing to attract attention to herself. Not telling him off immediately alerted him to a problem. Excusing himself, he followed at a distance, hearing her lunch leave her behind the locked door.

He insured the toilet was deserted before rapping his cane on the door; he heard her gasp before his rough tones spoke out into the silence.

'Cuddy I warned you about the cafeteria food.'

He heard her sigh, the click of the lock as the door swung open. She nearly crashed into him as he stumbled.

'Not funny House.' She frowned, the back of her hand smearing her make up before walking over to the sink repairing the damaged before her. 'What do you want?'

Her tone was hard and harsh, she wasn't happy to see him.

'Well you nearly floored me earlier, a few inches closer and by courtesy of my cane you would have found yourself up close and personal with the floor, one hell of an audience to watch you fall at my feet.' He winked before waggling his eyebrows, feeling a little triumph as the corners of her mouth flicked up.

She shook her head rolling her eyes as she turned to leave.

'Cuddy what's up?'

She paused, her hand resting on the doorknob looking over her shoulder, his expression blank, his rough voice absent of the sarcasm, seemingly empty to the untrained ear, but the care was apparent edging his voice and features that failed to remain clear.

'Must have been something I ate.'

'There is nothing wrong with my cooking.' He frowned.

Her hands fell to her hips, 'I'll think you find that's my cooking, you didn't even know how to turn your over on.'

'Women have there uses.' He smirked at the sneer that flickered across her face.

She sighed turning to leave once more.

'It wasn't something you ate.'

'HOUSE! Will you get to the point, you obviously have something to say and you never beat around the bush so something's up, what is it?' she'd whirled round to face him.

'Wow someone's impatient.'

'House??' her voice was quiet, deadly.

'I think you might be ill and I want to test you for it.'

'I'll with what?'

'That's what the tests are for.' He nodded, 'remember that's how we diagnose people, we use these little needles and get them to pee in a cup and stuff.'

She was defensive; her arms crossed over her chest, breast pushed high, his eyes only flicking to them for a second wanting to remain on track, he had a theory, he hoped he was wrong but he would plough on regardless, that was his way and it worked, curiosity and the need to know the truth had been scratching away all day.

'Surely you can find someone who's sick.'

'I have. You.' He jabbed at her with his cane.

'I'm not going to be one of your puzzles House, hell I've spent enough time with you as it is, I don't need to be subjected to anymore.'

Stab, he felt it sting, the little low jab, her unknowing of the strength in which she wielded.

He watched her walk away, flinging the door open. He followed moments later not giving up the fight.

'Cuddy! CUDDY!'

'Get to work house,' she didn't even look over her shoulder, trying to get to her office as fast as she could, the patients and workers parting like the red sea before her.

He slammed his cane between her office doors before she shut them, forcing his way in, the secretary watching from a distance, quivering in the corner.

'Oh go away House.'

The door closed behind him, shutting out the world as he lunged for her, 'Cuddy, stop!' his fingers wrapped round her wrist as he pulled her back, her body crashing into his as she stumbled backwards.

Her hand hit his chest to steady herself, 'WHAT.' She looked up into his eyes, faltering as she realised how close they were, feeling his fingers on her skin. His mouth didn't move, his eyes looking down staring into hers. She felt his thumb caress the back of her hand, tickling the hairs, spine tingling as an electric shock of sensation plummet through her. Her breathing slowed, chest brushing against his, the silence wrapping itself around them. He brushed a loose strand of hair from her face, watching her tongue trail over her lips, soft and glistening, heads tilted towards each other, lost in the moment.

The door rattled, springing apart, the stab of anger and fear flooding through him, confusion and joy. She'd wanted him, the lust sparkling in her eyes for that brief moment, the shudder from his caress. His own desire pumping through his body, the fuel of his anger that he'd lost himself so easily.

He collapsed on the sofa, her secretary entering the room as she settled behind her desk sweeping her hair off her face, trying to calm the flush of arousal that tinged her cheek bones, ignoring his presence focusing on the man before her.

House was getting angrier by the minute, stirring himself up, reinforcing his walls; angry at himself for falling for her, angry at her for breaking in so easily, angry at himself for letting her, and angry at the man before him for running his opportunity to finally kiss away both their pain. His release whipped away from his fingertips. His one chance had come and gone, his dark cloud remained the gold lining, which had shimmered for a second, had died. The darkness flooded in as he watched her secretary approach.

The air was dense; it was obvious he could sense he'd walked in on something.

'Um….Doctor Cuddy I heard what happened and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.'

'Why are you sorry? was it you?' House was glaring from his corner, fed up of the empty apologies.

'HOUSE!!' Cuddy was livid, the red flush on her cheeks now reflecting the anger coursing through her. She turned to the secretary, 'Ignore him, he's throwing his toys out his pram. Thank you, I'm a lot better and happy to get back to work, anything else?'

The secretary nodded not wishing to attract anymore attention to himself he dropped the files on her desk and fled from the room.

The room remained silent, her face passive until the door closed.' She turned to house, fury written all over. 'How dare you, that was un-called for.'

'I'm fed up of all there empty apologies.' He was staring at his cane, tossing it between his fingers.

'No you're fed up because he interrupted…' She paused not knowing what to say, she sighed, hands running over her face, voice rumbling through her fingertips, 'just get out.'

'Not until you let me run some tests, I'm not leaving till you do.' Glare on glare both as stubborn as the other but he could sense her uncertainty, desperate to escape from his presence.

'Fine.' She rushed from the room, House following at a slower pace.

……………………….

The machines beeped and buzzed around him, he knew what had been nagging at him now he just hoped he was wrong. He heard the hum as it printed the results. His Fingers impatiently snatched it up, face screwing up as the answer was written before his eyes. The paper scrunched beneath his fingertips, flinging the truth over his shoulder, his attempts to ignore it in vain, the words mirrored over his eyes, unable to blink them away.

……………………..

He was wrong, he had to be. He'd run the tests so many times he'd lost count, every answer the same.

He hobbled towards her office; head hung low, the bringer of bad news. The hospital was empty, the glow of the setting sun bleeding through the corridors as all remnant of hope and happiness leaked from him.

He flung her office doors open, her tiny frame a silhouette, crouched over the papers before her.

'Go away.' She knew it was him, hard not too, the tell tale sound of his cane clicking against the wooded floor.

He stilled, waiting her to look up, listening to the song of the birds the sound seeming so sad as they watched the day die.

'What?' She looked up, her face hidden in darkness only her ocean blues glaring out at him. 'I'm fine, just leave me alone.'

Her anger flooded into him and he slammed the results down on her desk the loud crack echoing out in the room, her body started, jumping back. He delivered it the only way he knew how, with no comfort or pretence, he wished he could retrieve the file and tell her himself, but the words would sound harsher when spoken and her fingers had wrapped round the papers too fast.

She flicked it open scanning over it without concern before her eyes hit the final line. Her whole body tensed, eyes snapping to his and back, disbelief and fear written over her face.

'Are you having a joke?' grasping at the last lingering flame of hope.

'For once I wish I was.'

The file fell from her fingertips, the papers spilling out onto the carpet, the final page slowly floating to the ground, POSITIVE.

Her hand grasped onto the desk as she tried to steady herself, stumbling round to the front, breathing hard and harsh.

She collapsed, her whole body quivering as she slid to the ground, legs curling up to her chest, head buried in her knees as her shoulders began to shake with silent sobbing.

House hesitated, not knowing what to do, his eyes whirling around to ensure no one was present before limping over. His face crumpled in pain as he settled down beside her, his arm jerkily wrapping round her shoulder rubbing her arm in manly comfort. He was startled when her arms curled round him, her head burying in his shoulder, frame and heat so close as she curled into him for comfort. He brought his other arm up, holding her close not wishing to release her, unable to rescue her from her continuing nightmare.

One step forward two steps back.

He heard her laugh, unsure he pulled back staring down into her face. It was twisted into a sad smile. 'Be careful what you wish for.'

Her desire for a child, house felt his heart hard and heavy, another addition to the pile of confusion dragging her down.

'What am I going to do?' she sniffed, her beauty so close, even more apparent with her vulnerability, still wrapped in his arms, her head resting against his chest, making no effort to move.

'I don't know,' his voice was a whisper blowing into her hair, 'but whatever you decide I'll be there every step of the way.'

He felt her shift, head twisting; tears still streaming, eyes lost, looking like a child, his fingers finding the loose strands once more, always breaking free, brushing them from her face, her blue eyes never leaving his. Before her knew what was happening her lips were over his, the kiss soft and gentle, tentative as her lips caressed his own. He kissed her back, all thought flooding from his mind pulling her body closer, fingers playing over her spine. The kiss deepened with every second, her frame resting over him, nails dragging through his hair as she moaned into his mouth, her desire echoing out into the silence. She snapped back, eyes wide with panic, 'oh god I'm so sorry.' The tears were still streaming, as she stumbled to her feet rushing from the room.

'Cuddy!! CUDDY!!' She kept running, his breathing the only sound in the silence.

What was he going to do? Support her from afar? The awkwardness and confusion, the pain so apparent between the two and now the complication of the baby. She had so many memories and so many nightmares, him her only comfort, one in which she would feel she no longer had. He'd ruined everything. His head fell back against the desk, defeated, eyes tight shut as he sighed, 'Shit!'

He watched her flee, unable to follow, feeling her heat drain from him, the wait of her body now cold and empty; his eyes watching with a heavy heart, the last rays of sun burning over her in the distance until the darkness swallowed her from sight.

…………………..

TBC


	8. Lighting the Way

**_OMG I'm sorry this has taken so long. I have been snowed under with exams and coursework and have tried to write this over the little bits of free time I've had, scribbling bits down in between revision and Christmas. 1 exam down 2 to go…wooo :( but I have taken tonight (after my first exam) to get this up for you because I felt it had been too long! So I hope you enjoy this chapter…(and house isn't too OOC!!) it is a little sad but it kind of reflects a bit (ok a lot) of how I've been feeling lately…so people this is written from the heart. :)._**

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_Reviewers:-_

_Tobylove__: Sorry its taken so long! I hope it was worth the wait!_

_Relative Minor__: Thank You! Describing feelings is a major part of this story. This chapter is kind of dedicated to it. I'm sorry it's taken so long…I hope the withdrawal symptoms haven't got too bad :). Hope u enjoy it as much as the last!_

_Cedar: Thank you! Curiosity is a good thing…keeps you reading lol :)_

_Snowotter: I love it when people think I capture the characters well because it is the one thing I try very hard to do. I'm pleased it's got your attention captured so much and I hope you like this chap and that they stay in character….it was quite hard as it is emotional…and house and emotions don't go well together._

_thevigilante15__: sorry :( here it is…finally!!_

_kismetindy__: I don't know whether to be happy or sad it broke your heart!!! I am flattered it had such an impact. And what happens about the kiss and whether she will push him away completely will remain to be seen…._

_NaiveEve__: OMG wow high praise. As you know I love the word beautiful as a description for the story. :) And your description on how I describe it was very descriptive too lol!! Hopefully the insight into house's mind will only get better….it isn't easy…his mind is a complicated one!! And what has happened to walk in my shoes???? Update…please!!!!_

_Buba: I know its obvious….its so hard to keep it a secret and yet give enough clues to the characters for them to figure out because all the clue you give them the audience gets too…and they work things out faster because you can't control them!! I am so pleased you liked both my stories because they are very different and if that is the only criticism…I have a big grin:)_

_the.sage: lol I intend to carry on…and I'm happy its getting good….drama is my middle name :)._

_Jordan Oh wow!! You think I have talent!! Thank you! I try to out do myself with every chapter but with reviews like this its hard lol. _

_house's phoenix__: -grins- thank you!! Moved and speechless…I hope your voice has come back again lol!! And thank you for the compliments!!!_

_luv2luv-Hugh__: LMAO I loved that review. I am sorry it took so long chippy hangs head in shame. U'll have 2 whip me harder next time (j/K) lol._

_Kris the fanficaholic__: OMG I'm so sorry lol! I don't mean to make people cry….it just has that effect. I will write one after which will hopefully make you laugh :)._

_manowar101: I am a description queen…I sometimes wonder if I over do it! I am pleased you like my story…thank you!!!_

_DesertAire: Wow thank you!! I shall get them out of this one…I have the whole story in my head…its just finding the time to write it lol! I'm sorry about the typos…those things just slip under my radar…I read it over and over again but if it sounds write I miss the spelling. :( I shall try and do better!_

_DCI Panda__: we still have a little way to go before that…but trust me it will happen and when it does….-big grin-!!!!!_

_HouseAddiction__: Lmao I love your reviews…they're just as dramatic as my writing! It will become less depressing eventually….I promise lol!!_

_starstacey__: Thank you! I spend a long time thinking about story and chap titles and stuff they change so many times lol! Sorry it took so long!_

_Axelchick__: Oh thank you! I try to keep it as original as possible but with so many good writers your sure it's probably been done somewhere before! I hope this chapter is as amazing and keeps getting your high praise :)!! _

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Lighting the Way

The smooth surface ran between his finger tips before they came to rest on the end, the jagged edges scratching into his skin. Every turn caused the moonlight to catch it, his eyes shimmering with the tears, refusing to let them fall. He'd failed. He'd come home to an empty house. 'I'm sorry' the only two words that accompanied the abandoned key. He was sat in the darkness, whisky twirling in one hand as he let his thoughts wonder. He had been so close, balanced for once in his life, someone else's sorrow to focus on. Now he was alone again, wallowing in his own self pity and despair, drowning in a bottle. The jangle rang out into the silence, the key falling to the floor.

His eyes remained unfocused, watching a spot beyond the walls as his sadness turned into anger, the whisky reflecting in his eyes, flames of golden fury flickering burning into his mind. What could he have done? He'd, had no way out; pushed into a corner, his heart pushing him forward, his desperation; his overwhelming want for the woman reaching out to him. The memory of her lips still lingered, the soft, warm weight of them as they glided over his drawing him closer, sucking his sense from him leaving him nothing but an empty shell of desire. In that brief moment he'd lost control and, as always, he paid the price.

He should have listened, his conscious screaming in his ears before it was drowned out by the pounding of his heart. Push her away, she didn't want him, she needed him; the lines becoming marred by her emotions, blurred by tears, seeking comfort in his arms, trying to lose herself in his touch.

It would have hurt her, the pain in her eyes when he forced her away but it would have been for the best. The realisation of what she'd done would have sunk in but she may not have fled, run from him and any help he could provide. She'd isolated herself, her job the only solace in which she could hide, the only form of comfort left, buried in her paper work as she tried to ignore the mounting amount of problems resting on her shoulders. No longer willing to share the load, no one left to turn to.

He'd never wanted to be a shoulder to cry on, his harsh thoughts and beliefs, his words cold and sharp, stinging anyone who made the mistake of running to him for comfort. But she had battered his exterior, her tears washing away his spiteful words. He had felt an alien need to hold her, to make her smile and build her back up. The doctor of destruction helping her re-build her life, the life that had just come crashing down around her once more, built on rocky foundations, the poison he unleashed leaked into everyone. No matter how hard he tried to help he ruined everything.

Her face flashed before his eyes. Why had she run to him? The man who had made her cry so many times, torn her with his words, who seemed to feel joy in other peoples sorrow. She'd seen something he didn't even acknowledge was there. He could still see the tears, her eyes, lost and empty. He'd give anything just to see her cry once more, to make her cry, if it meant he could wipe the tears away, feel her skin beneath his finger tips, be able to touch her one more time. His overwhelming desire to see her hurt and sad so he could bring her joy only strengthened his level of disgust, he hated himself.

The glass tipped between his finger tips, testing its weight, his anger building, coursing through his veins. The anger at himself for falling, his emotions for betraying him, his heart for making him lose control, his head for abandoning him when he needed it the most and her for giving him the opportunity to ruin everything. If she'd just left him, run to someone else for comfort, needed someone else. If he'd turned away, if he'd stayed true to form and left her alone none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have fallen and she wouldn't be on her own. His own form of self destruction, bringing everything crashing down around him no matter what he did, his life was just a pile of rubble.

He lifted the glass higher, eyes never moving from the point, focused and distant.

He let it fly, the golden liquid swirling in the glass as it flew through the air shattering as it hit the wall, dripping down to the floor, glass scattering around his feet. His eyes were still focused on the same point, unblinking.

Destruction.

What he was used to, what he reverted to, the life he knew so well had returned.

……………………..

She felt empty, devoid of emotion, nothing but weariness and pain. She blinked, tears stung her cheeks as they broke free, burning a path over her skin, the constant thoughts weighing down her mind, now just a constant blur before her eyes. She was curled in a ball, legs tight up to her chest, drowning in silence. She missed the sound of his voice, the rare sound of his laughter, his breathing lulling her to sleep, another noise to shatter the silence. She had never felt so alone, nobody to help, hers the only hand she could hold, her warmth her only comfort. She was lost and hurting, her heart feeling bruised and broken, its weakened beat the only thing keeping her alive.

She wanted to lose herself in darkness, drown in her sorrows, and succumb to the numbness induced by alcohol as it flooded her veins and the parasite within. She felt sick to her stomach, wanting to retch, purge her body of the poison flooding through her. Every burning feeling, every evil thought blooming in her mind, resulted in waves of guilt crashing over her.

She was staring at the blood like liquid twirling round her wine glass, fingers dancing over the stem, moonlight glinting on the surface. She placed it on the table out of her reach, eyes focused, watching the whole time. She wanted to down it, feel the warmth of it wash over her, lulling her to an unconscious state, shutting out the world, never wishing to wake up. It was so close and yet she wouldn't. This child was what she'd wished for, she couldn't kill an innocent victim, and as a doctor she knew the risks of alcohol to a baby. She rose, legs swinging out from under her, the carpet soft underfoot as she padded into the kitchen, wine glass in hand, liquid tumbling over the sides, a waterfall, leaking like her tears.

The temptation was poured away, vanishing in a whirlpool. Red, the sign of danger, of pain, of anger, so many emotions reflected by one single colour and it symbolised it all. She didn't know whether to scream or cry her desire to find a release to the overwhelming pressure, the thoughts consuming her mind. Her voice remained silent, her tears had run dry.

Her hands parted over the smooth expanse of her worktop, head falling back against her shoulders, eyes tight shut as she sighed at the ceiling. She could feel the ache down her neck, the weight of the world running its way over her shoulders. She just wanted to sleep and yet her mind wouldn't let go, tethering her to the hell in which she lived, alone.

She'd pushed him away by coming closer.

Her head shook, her arms forcing her body to turn, feet padding down the hallway. Her mind was not on where she was going, but where she had been, what she had done, the same film replaying in her mind, a broken record. She followed the familiar path to her bedroom, the way in which she'd walked, stumbled and crawled along so many years before and the many emotions she'd felt working her way to her room, ready to close her eyes and let the emotions wash over her and away as she let sleep claim her.

The lights dazzled her eyes, the sting somewhat welcome; the moment of physical pain obscuring any room for thought or feeling. The cold water dripped over her skin as she splashed it onto her face, cleaning away the makeup and refreshing, wiping away the trails of mascara, the liquid black staining her skin.

Hands holding onto the cold sink, water falling from her face trickling down her collar, shivering. Her eyes rested on the mirror, the image it reflected, ignoring the dark hair, wild blue eyes, and pale perfect skin, lost in the depth of her eyes, empty and lost, dark and lonely. This sad woman in front of her, a quivering wreck of memories and emotions. She was tired, the symbols of stress etched under her eyes no longer hidden by her concealer.

Her clothes left her body, for once letting them rest where they fell. The nightgown, cool, gliding over her skin, sliding over her slim weak frame not yet beginning to show signs of what was growing within, what she was going to lose if she let the months pass and the miracle curse remain.

Her hands slid over her abdomen, desperate to feel the life fluttering inside her and yet wishing it to go away. Contrasting, opposite emotions pulling her apart, repelling each other, each feeling the antithesis of the next.

Her hands fell to her side, pulling the cover back, slipping in beneath it, muscles going weak as it engulfed her, tightly wrapping round her frame, safe, calm...alone.

………………………….

His fingers danced over the keys, the melodies playing out into the night, still as beautiful and sure even in his drunken haze. Each key struck a cord within, playing to sooth his sorrow, calm his pain.

He felt unsure. The emotions he was so used to remaining isolated and alone in the back of his mind were now rampaging between its walls. He had no barriers against them, no natural form of attack.

He was going to distance himself from it all, pull back, pull away. He was getting lost in the moment, allowing her to draw him in, her emotions and guilt starting to dance with his heart. Why should he care? She was his boss, he was her employee. He helped her when she needed it and now she no longer wanted it; her disappearing act had made that clear, and he was the wrong kind of man if she wanted him to force help upon her.

He would remain away, formal, allowing the anger he felt to be projected at the world and strengthen his original walls with the vein hope that she didn't attack again. His honesty making him fearful he would fall once more and his stubbornness determined he wouldn't. Happy to remain ignorant, ignore the effect, the power she has. Ignore his emotions which were telling him to go over there and make amends, sort out what was going on and allow it to lead to a conclusion. He didn't go to anyone first and was never one to make an apology and he wasn't going to start now.

He didn't need her before and he certainly didn't need her now. She used him for comfort, it was no longer needed. His pain and pills were the only company he required, finding comfort in the dark space he occupied moments before her battered form stumbled into his life. He was falling back into his hole and his stubborn mind refusing to acknowledge that he wished, just for one moment, the light had remained.

He felt the cool liquid float down his throat, his eyelids heavy, his body slow and sluggish. He stumbled into his room crashing into the covers.

She was on her own now. This was what she chose, how she wanted it to be and he would respect that. The baby was her choice, but how he hated it.

Lying on his back, stare resting on the ceiling, the moonlight leaking in. His gaze fell to the window to see the stars gazing back innocent and twinkling, lighting up the dark. Cuddy was the symbol of his star, the light in his darkness. He closed his eyes, blocking the site of the stars, shimmering and joyful seeming to dance across the sky. His eyelids killed their reflection, so desperate to dance in his eyes. He turned away from the window.

His light had just gone out.

……………………………………………..

She was resting on the window sill, sleep had refused to come. She sat there, head against the cold pain of glass, her breath misting up the image before her. Eyes staring at the moon, bright and golden, lighting a path down the street, glinting its way over leaves and cars. The street was silent and deserted, seeming the only one awake, everyone lost in their dreams unknowing of her turmoil.

She had been thinking about her problem; the one 'thing' that had blossomed on that night which she had never expected. Her knees were wrapped up to her chest, tight and comforting, her frame curled up trying to stay warm, unwilling to move.

She didn't know what to do. She had her wish; this 'thing' was growing inside her. She could have it removed, taken away from her. If she did that then she didn't deserve to be a mother. The guilt at killing her child too much to bear would eat her from the inside. While having this monster's, this man's 'thing' would mean seeing her memories reflected. Every time she looked into its eyes seeing her nightmare staring back.

She had a choice to make, not easy, but simple. To keep or kill. This was her one wish, her one hope. She couldn't kill it in revenge, she would only hurt herself. No matter what she did after the birth, not having this 'thing' would hurt her more than anything.

This 'thing'. She stopped, blinking, forehead contracting into a frown. This baby, not thing, baby.

Her baby.

She faltered, hands slipping down to her abdomen.

'Baby' a quiet whisper into the silence, 'my baby.' The words felt weird. 'I'm going to have a baby.'

She looked back up. The stars were winking down at her and a small but slightly sad and tainted smile flickered onto her lips.

TBC

_...Please Review...i'm snowed under with revision books...i need my reviews to distract me and make me smile!!!..._


	9. Feelings of Honesty

_**Author note:**_

_Omg I'm so sorry for leaving this fic for so long! I have been drowned under with work and as I think I've mentioned before I've been quite unwell for the passed few months…but everything is ok sorted for now. I have been writing this chapter for ages…I felt I had lost my edge and found it really hard to get it right and where I was going with it. I knew the overall storyline but the little details are hard to do! I thank you for your patience and I hope this chapter was worth the waiting for! There are a few more highs and lows to go before the end (so quite a few more chapters to come) but it will be Huddy and it will be happy! I've just started another funny fic too called a walk on the wild side for those of you who like more humorous writing!! Funnily enough when the revision hit I started writing again….think I'm trying to distract myself...hmmm lol_!

_**Review replies**_

_Huddy fan: Thank you :) It is very much a roller coaster and I'm on it every time I write. I love writing emotions because it gets me to explore the character more and get inside there head….but I also have some fun fics on the go too :)._

_RedLocque: I agree there is a lot of angst but don't worry this fic will have a happy ending. There a few more highs and lows in the roller coaster…but it just builds up House and Cuddy's relationship…..I promise it we be a very happy huddy ending!!!_

_Scuddyrific__ Lol I'd give anything to be a script writer :). I try very hard to paint a clear image in my readers head and make them experience the emotions of the characters….I'm so happy that my efforts paid off :). I'm flatter that my writing worked so well and I thank you for such a lovely review._

_Cristina: Updating lol….here you go. Thanks for the review!!_

_Ninfa-LostMD__: aww thank you :)_

_PaulaAbdulChica2007__: I work really hard on capturing the characters emotions and making the audience experience them too!! Thank you! I love it when my fic is called beautiful because that was what I was aiming for from the start!_

_luv2luv-Hugh__: YOUR smut missy???…remember you need to share it lol! You can't keep it all to yourself…however you now have a smut fic totally dedicated to you so you should be happy lol! Ahhh yes old age is a terrible thing….I think you've forgotten something very important to…I believe it was called the great art of getting even…hmmm…..you need to keep that coming to……I've been waiting patiently for I don't know how long…..hurry up moo!!!!_

_kismetindy__: thank you for the in depth review :)! I'm trying so hard to develop both house and cuddy through the story so the reader can see the way each high/low that happens has an impact on their lives and who they are. I write it from both perspectives so you can see where both of them is coming from and get deep inside their heads._

_NaiveEve__: WOW! What a review!!! I'm still updating lol! Working hard at my uni work in the day and my house fics at night now! _

_Alternating kind of comes naturally to me. I can get so inside their heads now that when I'm writing it from their perspective I don't get muddled. I struggled with it at first but now it's starting to become second nature. I'm flattered you think I do it so well!!_

_I try and make their thoughts as in depth as possible and I'm pleased they seem to be in character! _

_I love it when you pick lines out which you love…and to add to it the lines you pick are normally my favorite ones lol! This story is very angsty which was new to me. I tried to make it like that but not too harsh…I hate harsh fics because I can't read them…so I tried to make my fic fairly soft just with a harsh edge._

_I'm so happy you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy reading yours…..walking in my shoes nudge lol:)_

_MirPez__: aww it made you misty lol….I hope this one will bring a smile to your face instead :) and thank you for the well wishes with my class….I hope it goes well 2 (exams are on the way :s)_

_Shannyn: Thank you! I do try and get into the heads of the characters….its weird I can only write at night because it makes it easier to think like them then. As for the outcome of cuddy's situation….you will just have to wait and see._

_Aldea0402__: I'm sorry you did have to wait so long! I'm flattered you read all the way through. I hope you like this chapter as much as the last ones!_

_Axelchick__: I hope I continue with good chapters too. Everyone I write I convince myself I've lost my edge! Thank you for the lovely review…I'm so happy to be receiving such nice feedback! Yep exams are upon us and I am drowned in revision….why is it only now I decide to start writing lol!_

_DCI Panda__: thank you for the luck….I'm going to need it!_

_Buba: YAY that was my aim lol! _

_the.sage: Yep this is one hell of a roller coaster. There will be a few more highs and lows….and then of cause the ending…which of course will be one big high!!! (NO sad endings for me…oh no!!!)_

_addicted2coffee__: thank you! It was a sad chapter…and I got a bit tearful when writing it lol!_

_house's phoenix__: Lol! I'm not sure what I would do (I hope I never have to find out) but I felt cuddy couldn't do something like that! She has a massive guilt complex…similar to me! As for the love/hate I can understand that…it's similar to my relationship with this fic lol! I hate having all this crap happen to cuddy but its all worth it in the end! I am overwhelmed with all the praise I've been getting! It makes my day getting nice reviews!_

_HouseAddiction__: lol thank you! Yep we found out she was pregnant in the previous chapters! Don't worry I find it hard to keep up with what's happening….and I'm writing the thing!! I hope my exams go well too…two weeks till they arrive…and counting :s._

_thevigilante15__: Lol this chapter sorts a few things out…and they will definitely be lovers in time! You know me…I can't resist huddy action lol!_

_mowrocks__: I work hard with the emotions in this fic…so if that's you favorite part this is definitely for you. Its quite stressful writing it though...cos sometimes you get a bit too wrapped up in it all lol!_

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**Feelings of Honesty**

Avoidance, he'd been trying to hide away, not wishing to be reminded of the emotions that bubbled forth every time he saw her. Happy to live a lie, convince himself he wasn't needed, wasn't wanted. She would be fine.

He hadn't been able to stay away for long.

Five days had passed and here he was watching, waiting, wondering. He had no cases, nothing to occupy his mind, the walls of which were filled with his overwhelming curiosity. Allowing the puzzle to distract him, focus. He liked puzzles, black and white, right and wrong. Humans were grey; they lived in a life of indeterminate colour, feelings, emotions and lies thrown in the mix.

She was his puzzle, her decision. His attention was merely quizzical or so he convinced himself. Everybody lies…mostly to themselves.

She was oblivious to his gaze, eyes focused on the words before her, pen rhythmically running over the page.

He wanted to charge in there, questions flying from his lips. He wanted to know, had to know, whether the parasites offspring would be walking among them in the coming months. House didn't think he could hate a bundle of cells so much, fearful of watching it slowly suck the life and happiness out of her. He couldn't help it, no matter how much he tried he couldn't let go.

The rumble of voices broke his concentration, his frame whipping round as his ducklings approached. He remained silent, holding his hand out for the file, allowing it to fall open in his fingertips eyes scanning the page, ignoring the relief that flooded through him at having a distraction.

……………………………..

The words were a blur, her head a wash with emotions, hate, joy, sadness, loneliness and loss. She missed him. Their banter, the way he made her laugh making her day pass faster, giving her something to do, drawing her away from her paperwork. She complained, but honestly she didn't care, she needed the distraction. But he'd gone, what they had, had died, and she ached for him. Her whole heart swelling every time she thought about their last few moments before she'd fled. She couldn't handle it, her need for him she could understand, but it was the want that she feared. Her uncertainty was pulling her apart; the fear fighting with desire, ripping her heart in two; a new type of pain leaking from her wounds.

She hadn't seen him at all, not even in passing. Every time she'd ever come close, invading his territory he'd darted away. The blue of his eyes was burned into her memory. They had landed on her, flickering with some unknown emotion before he'd fled down the hall.

He'd behaved, and people had started asking questions. Everyone wanted House this way and yet when it happened they just couldn't let it lie; their curiosity barrelling her with questions everyday.

She could feel the red haze form over her eyes, squeezing them shut as the starting waves of pain assaulted her, her head throbbing as her fingers massaged her temples trying to loosen the tightening coil in her mind.

Her sigh echoed out into the empty air, the sadness leaking through into one harsh breath.

Then a giggle broke out. What she'd give for a lawsuit, anything to say her House was still there. Her eyes snapped open, he wasn't hers. She'd lost him, pushed him away, ripping herself from his side, abandoning the warmth of his comfort.

All she had left was her….and her baby. It was a weird thought. One which she wished to share, but there was no one left.

She was sat here, accompanied by the unknown person inside her, but she didn't feel comforted by that fact. She had no one to hold her hand, share the highs and lows; she was all on her own…again. She should be used to dealing with things on her own and yet…she'd never felt so lonely, so alone. In everything else she'd never been truly alone. The realisation hit her hard, his invisible hand holding her up stemming every fall. He was the invisible shadow plaguing her every move ready to run in when needed, and he always did. He watched her hard enough to know whenever anything was wrong, always there, her broken angel. She laughed, it sounded bitter even to her, feeling herself choke on her tears.

Her head bowed, forcing herself to see passed the teardrops blurring her site. She blinked, tearing the cloud apart, watching the broken droplets cling to her lashes a single one falling fast, hitting the page. The ink seeped into it like poison, spreading over the clean white sheet before her. It was like the loneliness leaking into every corner of her soul, she'd barely been sown shut before she'd broken again, and this time there was no one to help heal her wounds. The one man that would, the only man that could…was running from her.

………………………………………………………………………………

The ball twirled between his fingers, his mind mulling over what he had to do. His patient needed surgery, he needed her signature, her consent. Never more of an appropriate time than the present, and with every ticking second, his patient was closer to death. But he couldn't do it. He wanted to, so desperate to see her face, hear her voice but he was fearful. Fear wasn't unknown to him, but he hated it. The sickening grip on his stomach dragging him back to his child hood, with every accident, every mistake, every word, the fear that invaded his life, that he'd finally left behind, was back…and stronger than ever before.

But it was different. His fear of his father had made him want to run. His current fear still did, but whether it was to her or away was another question, metaphorically based of course, the best he could do now was hobble.

He frowned, the ball falling to his feet, rolling along the floor taking the canes balance, causing it to fall into his lap. He eyed it, fingers slipping round the polished handle. His crutch, this held him up and as hard as it was to admit, he supported her, when she needed him. The guilt flooded through him. The one moment she needed him most he'd gone and ripped her crutch out from beneath her. He'd let her run, the one time he should have pushed her, been persistent, going round her house, not letting her leave his support. He should have pushed his emotions aside, not let them plague him like he had. He'd let himself become vulnerable to his heart and then unwillingly let his hate and anger leak into it.

He pulled himself up, ignoring the stabbing pain that always accompanied movement. It stung like a familiar friend, forcing him forward, walking to ease it, following the well known path to her office.

He couldn't watch her fall, he couldn't let her fall. He was going to catch her again, if she'd let him, but first he needed to find out what kind of ball game he was playing.

…………………………………………….

The door slammed open, her heart hammering as she jumped. The loud bang a noise she was once so familiar with, a noise she thought she'd never hear again.

His blue eyes hit her immediately.

'House?' she tried to hide the relief in her voice, but it leaked through.

'Surely you haven't forgotten me Cuddy, it hasn't been that long.' Snarky, like nothing had ever happened. The old House hitting her with full force, and for once she wanted it; the rush of a match rippling through her.

'I've been trying to.' The little smile softened the blow of her lines, ensuring he knew it was a joke. She couldn't forget him if she tried, if she was honest, she would never want to. To forget him would be to lose many of her happiest memories, the ones she clung onto when work got to hard and life a little to low in the dead of night. 'What do you need House?' She knew he'd be there for a reason; his pattern of behaviour spoke for itself. He needed her for a reason; sadly she knew it wasn't the one she wanted.

'Patient, surgery, signature, all that jazz.' He bit his lip, watching her, eyes snapping to her hand as she held it out.

'File?'

He placed it in her palm, still watching, waiting, for something. His piercing stare made her shift, uncomfortable for once. Wishing to know the question he was asking, but knew too well to make assumptions.

'Everything looks fine.' Her pen scratched over the page, her signature now scribbled over it, a simple mark with so much power. She handed it back to him, reluctant to lift her head, knowing his eyes were still burning into her. It was weird how such a cool stare could create so much fire. She met his eyes. 'Anything else?'

His eyes ran over her once, still searching for something. He shook his head, turning to leave. Her eyes never left is back noticing his pause as his hand hit the handle of her door, his body starting as though pulled between two forces. He had something he wanted to know, she knew it. House's behaviour meant he had an ulterior motive. She heard him suck in a breath, patiently waiting for him to speak. His head turned to look at her before thinking better of it and forcing himself to face the door once more.

'Did you keep it?'

His words startled her, the shock of them being uttered so gently. He had no wish to hurt her, his curiosity obviously eating him. The hard set of his shoulders, tense, waiting to hear her answer; for the first time ever she sensed his uncertainty, truly not knowing the outcome of his puzzle.

She took a few short sharp breaths, calming, trying to force the one simple word from her lips. Finding it so hard, being unable to predict his reaction. Worried about the impact this one word could have. He was here and she didn't want to let him slip through her fingers again. She needed him there for her, the one constant in her life keeping her going. But she had to tell him the truth; otherwise anything they build will be sure to fall apart in the months to come. Everybody lies but she refused to lie to him.

'Yes,' it was barely a whisper, breathing deep, uttering it louder, stronger, she couldn't shield him from it and uttering it out into the open made the reality of it sink in. 'yes I am.'

He paused, nodded one and then left her office. Not looking back. Her eyes slowly watching him walk away once more.

……………………………………………………

He gave the file to his ducklings, ordering them to prep the patient. They followed his orders without question, knowing something was wrong but time had taught them not to ask. Only Cameron lingered behind, but his sharp look quickly sent her fleeing.

He fell into his chair, leaning forward as his hand grazed over the stubble, burning his palms coming to rest beneath his chin. She'd decided to keep it. He hadn't been shocked. He knew deep down she would. The guilt would have killed her; at least there was something good to come out of this in some twisted way. She got her wish, it was tainted, but it was something. Now he had to decide how best to help her. He hadn't meant to walk away without saying anything, but that single word had rendered him speechless. If he'd turned to look at her his emotions would have shone through. He needed time to think. He had wanted to be away from her the moment he heard her answer him. Now he wanted to be back by her side.

Life was bloody confusing. Too many questions and not enough answers. Nothing set in stone, every answer changing with the wind.

He watched the time tick by; the every second clicks lulling him into a daze as he lost himself in the walls of his mind. Searching for the answer, knowing for once it wasn't written in the documents of him memory. He'd have to find this one on his own; no text book could help him, only his heart. He knew what he wanted to do so he decided to follow his instincts; they'd never let him down before and for once he'd trust his feelings, and see where they take him.

……………………………………………

Her heels clicked over the concrete, echoing around the garage. She'd had a long day. The ache running over her was like the weight of the world on her shoulders. She rolled her neck trying to ease the pain, and failing. Her hands fumbled in her bag for her keys. She was so tired, clumsy, they jangled between her fingertips before falling to the ground. She stooped over, halting slightly as she heard the tell tale beat of a cane. Fingers fumbling she stood, pursing her lips as she waited for him to walk by; not expecting any of his attention to be on her. She jumped when a warm hand slid into hers. Her eyes slid down before travelling up the arm, to a pair of bright blue eyes. They twinkled at her, still guarded but she could see something, it was a look which was unknown to her and yet it felt so familiar at the same time.

'I didn't drive in; Wilson's abandoned me so I need a lift. Is the baby bearing boss willing to give me one?'

She smiled, his hand squeezing hers with enough pressure to let her know he was there for her. Every thing was ok. Relief flooded through her, overwhelming, chasing away her ability to speak. She nodded and slipped into her car, trying to hide the grin as he slid in beside her. she faced the window as a big smile broke over her face, hiding it from him, unaware he could see her reflection in the mirror, and was feeling the same sense of happiness deep down inside.

TBC

_please review :) exams are nasty things, revision makes me low...and reviews make me happy!!_


	10. Shattered Dreams

_OMG I'm so sorry for taking so long, re-sits hit me like a train and I was buried once more under a pile of papers. But it's all over now and I have super glued myself to my keyboard!!! Lol! I hope you like this chapter, it presented me with so many problems my head hurts!!! I tried to make this one a little lighter in bits, because it can't be dark all the time lol! I hope you enjoy it….and thank you so much to the guys who are reviewing….it makes me all smiley!!!!_

_(P.s. To Mixy…happy now lol!! Impatient little punisher you are!!! Lol (((hugs))) _

_Oh and here's an overview of what's happened in the last few chapters, I've left it so long it's probably fled from most peoples memories._

_-In the last chapter, House came to see Cuddy for the first time after their kiss. They both pretended like it had never happened. Also she told him of her decision to keep the baby (which is her attackers). The chapter ended with House asking for a lift home and in his own weird way accepting her decision.-_

_Reviews: -_

_J Lesley: - Thank you so much!!! I'm flattered you read all the chapters in one go :D and really happy I managed to get both House and Cuddy in character because it is so hard in a story like this. _

_goddessa39__: - Sadly it's a rape baby, they haven't had sex yet, you'll know when they do lol!! _

_Shikabane-Mai__: - Lol I know that feeling!! And thank you….I'm enjoying the exploring because house and cuddy are the two characters in the show I find most fascinating…and I'm all smiley because people are reading it…so thank you!!_

_HouseAddiction__: - I've decided to inject a bit of cuteness….I trying to lighten it a little bit….not too heavy!! And I'm happy your happy lol….sorry it's taken so long to update, exams and studies always get in the way!! But I'm trying to get better at updating!!_

_addicted2coffee__: Sorry for staying away…it wasn't as long…but it still feels like ages…..curses exams!!! I hope this one is as good as the last :)…I'll try and update sooner!!!_

_foxaddict226__: - Lol I don't follow my own advice either….doesn't stop me from telling other people to update :D. Woohooo I got cha hooked lol! Exams reared there ugly heads again….re-sits…but there over now….so I'm updating all my fics like a mad thing lol!_

_starstacey__: oooo I hope yours went well…mine didn't….not so much….hence the re-sits! But all is well now!! So I'm writing my little fingers off!! My brain feels like mush!! Lol._

_Axelchick__: Thank you :D I try and get as much emotion into it as possible, but with House being one of the main characters that's so hard, trying to get him to be emotional and house is bordering on impossible :s. I hope this one was worth the wait too!!_

_Scuddyrific__: - Thank you…I go all blushes when people say things like that!! Exams have dragged me away again….but I fought back and have returned to my keyboard!! As for smut…in this fic…well you'll have to wait and see…but don't you worry there will be some…and when it happens….it happens lol :P._

_Mispent Youth__: - :D omg so many compliments in one sentence faints lol!! Thank you :). _

_house's phoenix__: - Lol have to have some happiness somewhere!! And yep she kept the baby, it's just something I could see cuddy doing. The guilt would kill her if she didn't. Dam I can't get rid of you….-shakes leg- nope looks like your stuck lol!! Yay :D_

_razor-of-occam__: - Awww one of you favs :D! yep RL is a complete plain!! Always gets in the way…but I've forced it aside for today!! _

_Abbeyannmd__: Yeah I wanted to see what Cuddy would be like if her strength was taken her away, hence why I wrote this fic in the first place, just to explore it! Uh oh…sorry about the waiting :S I've been dragged down by uni….evil evil lol! But I hope this brightens up your day again :)._

_Huddy Fan__: - Thank you:D :D :D_

_gabiroba__: I wanted House to give her support, because I think he'd try and do that, not saying he'd be any good at it….but he would try lol! And I had to have her keep the baby….because that's just what I think Cuddy would do. I hope you like this chappie!!_

………………………………………

_**Ending of last chap**__**:- **_

'_I didn't drive in; Wilson's abandoned me so I need a lift. Is the baby bearing boss willing to give me one?'_

_She smiled, his hand squeezing hers with enough pressure to let her know he was there for her. Every thing was ok. Relief flooded through her, overwhelming, chasing away her ability to speak. She nodded and slipped into her car, trying to hide the grin as he slid in beside her. she faced the window as a big smile broke over her face, hiding it from him, unaware he could see her reflection in the mirror, and was feeling the same sense of happiness deep down inside._

**Shattered Dreams**

They arrived at his home. Her feet following his footsteps without any thought. She didn't want to be alone, the worries, so intent on creeping in, constantly reminding her of what she was doing, questioning whether it was the right choice. She'd already made up her mind about the baby; she didn't want to keep remaking it after every shower of doubt.

She clacked up the path beside him, his lips not uttering a word about the fact she was there. Letting her lead the way through the door into his home, hoping she would miss the small smile that flickered onto his face from having her brush so close beside him. Her presence seemed to fill his home, happiness coating the walls that had seemed so cold since she'd left.

Once inside she stood for a moment, watching him, waiting for him to say something as he wandered by, but for once he remained silent. She let her jacket fall from her shoulders, flinging it neatly over the back of his settee, slipping her feet from her shoes.

Her hands curled round the back of her neck, fingers kneading her skin trying to undo the knot of tension that had been building all day. Her body constantly curled over the never ending mountain of paperwork that adorned her desk every morning. She was exhasuted, legs giving out from under her as she slumped down onto the leather sofa, her legs unconciously sliding beneath her.

…………………………………….

He hobbled into the kitchen, dragging two glasses over, filling them both with whisky, before pausing and pouring the second back into the bottle. No alcohol for her. Instead he hunted around, trying to find something else and coming up short. There weren't many non alcoholic choices in this house. So she was left with water, she'd made her choice so she was going to have to be satisfied with what she got from now on.

He left his cane leaning against the wall, staggering in a slightly unstable manner to her side. Once the water glass was in her hand he sat down beside her, legs lifting up and landing on the coffee table. His head turned to the side, watching her, admiring her, pupils' dark seeming in a daze as her neck twisted in an attempt to ease the exhaustion. She was obviously tired, relentlessly fighting against it.

He didn't see her fall, only felt the weight of her upon him. His eyes had been shut, head back, the waves of music crashing over him as he swirled the whiskey in his glass. Only when her head hit his lap did his eyes snap open, head rearing up, assessing the situation, quickly noting the slight predicament he was now in.

Her head was neatly nestled in his lap. Her lips we agape, a pout of plump stark streaks of red against her pale skin, they seemed to shimmer in the low light, enticing him towards them, so teasing. It was hard to forget how they felt on his, how they moulded together so smoothly and felt so warm. His finger lazily dragged over her cheek, before bravely caressing her bottom lip. Her soft breath tickled his finger tip, his eyes flickering to her chest, which rose and fell with each drawing of air.

Her vulnerability made him feel weak; it seemed to strip him of his resolve, making fighting her so much harder.

The last time he'd given in, she'd fled from him, too much too soon, leaving him lost in his thoughts, pondering, living in the darkest place it was possible for him to be. The boundaries had come back, resurrected with full force, each bolt hammered in until he was safely cocooned back inside his steel shell, walling away any emotion. But here, the layers seemed to shed like ice fighting with fire, his useless attempts only serving to remind him he was human, and there was no way he could escape his heart. He'd accidentally let her melt his exterior away before, only to have himself burned. He couldn't, wouldn't let it happen again.

He retracted his hand from her, settling it over her hair, the random locks running through his fingers, subconscious and yet, calming.

His other hand grabbed the remote, flicking on the TV, desperate for a distraction, something to tear his eyes away from her, so he could imagine she wasn't there. Allow his heart some relief, for a few brief moments forget she ever existed, any emotion he felt for her bound by the confines of his work, stretching no further beyond him and his boss.

He hadn't been happy then, but he'd been in control, able to live everyday knowing what would happen in the next; the patient the only unknown entity in the puzzle. Now he had nothing, his control, his thoughts, his feelings, slipping through his fingers.

He loved having her here, but he couldn't live with it. He couldn't be himself around her, but she wouldn't want him any other way. For once in his life, he didn't know what to do. A war was going on silently within him and she slept on, unknowing of the turmoil she caused in the one man whom to her, until now, had always seemed so empty. She was the key to his undoing, the only woman with the secret word to his heart.

His trance descended over him, eyes staring at the TV screen, unfocused, registering nothing, but the fact he'd lost his heart to her and there was nothing he could do, to ever get it back.

His hand dragged over his face, stubble grazing over his fingers, burning the calloused skin. He sighed, hand once again falling, fingers rhythmically running through her silken strands. His teeth bit down into his lip as he finally admitted to himself everything that had been building up over the passed few days. However amongst all the confusion he knew one thing for certain, right now he was in his own version of hell and there was nothing he could do about it.

…………………………………

She hadn't meant to end up in his lap, sitting there, allowing the bluesy music he put on to wash over her, lulling her into some sort of dream, allowing all the exhaustion of her days work to ebb through her, the stress easing out of her muscles. She hadn't noticed her eyes closing, or felt her body slide to the side hitting the solid warmth beside her but she awoke; eyes dazed gazing up in a haze at the bright white expanse above her. His left leg had been beneath her head, his fingers running through her hair, so gentle his touch was barely noticeable. She allowed her eyes to caress his face, feeling a little thrill in watching him when he was unaware. His eyes seemed flicker in the light of the TV, his gaze unmoving as though focused on something only he could see.

The mist of slumber was slow to lift, but when she felt his legs shift beneath her, seeing a stab of pain shoot over his face, she bolted up.

'Oh House I'm so sorry!'

The shock on his face, registered the fact he'd been unaware that she was awake, the hand that had most likely been in her hair, had halted in mid air, frozen in surprise before it quickly came to rest in his lap.

He frowned, 'what for?'

Her response was a little breathless, the quick jump from sleep to action had been a little too much for her overworked body to handle, but she managed to get the words out, 'for lying on your leg…it can't have been comfortable,' her eyes whirled round the room for a moment, before falling on the clock, the time was just after 10, 'why didn't you wake me?'

He replied with a shrug; and a few short sharp words, 'You obviously needed the rest, and I don't want a cranky boss on my hands.' He always kept the relationship formal when he felt the questions crossed boundaries he didn't want to break. The last time they'd been stepped over had nearly caused there friendship to come crashing down around them, he wouldn't make the same mistake again.

Didn't mean he didn't soften the edges though. His hand grabbed a pillow, placing it on his leg, hands indicating for her to lie down once more. She hesitated, eyeing him carefully, reluctant to lie down, still uncertain about their new found closeness. She loved being near him, the level of comfort she got from being here, but that was what she was afraid of, feeling something, having something she'd forgotten, and then having to let it go again when his interest died down, when she returned back to being his boss, left with nothing but newly aching heart.

She went to refuse, tell him she'd better head home when he rolled his eyes, 'I'm not going to bite,'

A small smile curled her lips as her resolved fled; body unwilling to leave the warm haven in which she felt safe. She sighed, lowering herself slowly; body crying out for the sweet relief angered by the fact sleep was stolen from it too soon. Stilling she hovered just above him, not yet resting or relaxed.

'You can't lie like that forever; lie down,' with that his hand fastened on her shoulders pushing her the final few inches. She shivered as his fingers tickled her throat, his hand retreating. Her reaction for once went unnoticed, signalling to her that she was just as uncomfortable and unsure as she was.

Time passed by, a mixture of silence and jokes, just talking the hours away. Her head was now lying comfortably in his lap, dark haired splayed out over the denim of his jeans as she stared up at the ceiling. Her long legs were stretched out beside his, warmth flowing from one to the other, his voice ringing out over her.

'So whens the next appointment?'

Her eyes tried to look into his but he refused to meet her gaze, 'what appointment?'

She watched him swallow his whiskey, the motion of the muscles in his throat contracting as the golden liquid succumbed to gravity. 'The one where we get to check out this little bundle of joy, Miss saten's seedling itself.'

She grinned, 'we?'

His face registered no expression, remaining blank for a moment, before he turned down to face her. 'You didn't think i'd let you go alone did you?...and miss out on all the fun, I love pissing people off in pedes.'

She rolled her eyes, 'no annoying anyone while i'm there, don't say anything, if i had my way i'd staple your mouth shut.'

His eyebrows rose, 'well his lucky you don't have you way the isn't it, besides i won't be rude while you're watching.'

she nodded.

'just while your backs turned...it would be stupid to do it in front of the boss.'

'HOUSE!'

Her hand flew up hitting him on the arm, his face a picture of innocence.

'Anyone would think you weren't taking this seriously.'

He looked down into her eyes, his baby blues twinkling, 'what? what did i do?'

She sighed; head falling back again, eyes tight shut. Amusement ebbing through her at his obvious larking around, accompanied by comfort from the fact she wasn;t going to be facing this alone. She'd be grateful to have him there even if he scared half the pediactric department away. She just wanted someone to hold her hand, even if that someone was House. At least she could rely on him making the whole experience a little bit more light hearted, shattering through the seriousness of it all. Seeing that tiny thing within her for the first time. She had no idea how her heart was going to react, joy or pain, both as unpredictable as the other. Her mind was made up, but her emotions were still all over the place.

The low sound from the TV drowned out her thoughts, relaxing her, his humour putting her at ease, eyes still closed, listening to the sound of his breathing, a smile lingering on her lips from his jokes. She'd missed this so much. She didn't focus on the memories of what had brought her here in the first place, the pain she'd endured that had been the trigger of change in their relationship over the past few months.

All she could remember was the laughter, the remnants of joyful memories reeling before her, how he'd made her smile using his personality and words in a more positive way. If only he could always be like that; although if she was honest, she wouldn't want him to be. She liked this side of House, but she loved the fact it was only her who got to witness it. A level of intimacy between them that she didn't have to share; didn't have to envy and witness others receive from afar. Her smile grew, breathing deepening as the darkness seaped into her mind, trying to swallow her once more.

It was disturbed by a sharp jab in her side.

She groaned, growling from the back of her throat as she was jolted by the man in whose lap she lay.

Her eyes cracked open again, lids half closed, glaring at him,

'Bastard.' It held no venom, knowing she couldn't lie there forever, but she still resented being broken from her happy thoughts that were accompanying her into her dreams.

He snorted, hands slipping beneath her head, lifting her from him as he removed himself from being her pillow. He paused for a moment, contemplating something. Before she was even ready his hands snapped out from under her, leaving her with nothing but thin air as support. Her head snapped back, awkwardly smacking back down against the sofa.

'Ahhhh,' she cried out, stung from the shock, a bullet through the tiredness wracking her frame.

She heard him giggle over her, feeling a slight stab of anger rearing its head, it only ever remained absent for so long. She went to snap at him, voice bubbling behind her lips but never breaking free, silenced as she was suddenly plunged into darkness. Her hand flew up, pulling the blanket over her head, eyes searching him out, finding him standing just behind the couch.

The glare hadn't left her face, eyes now gleaming with annoyance but his expression halted her. His lips were pursed as though fighting something. Her head tilted to the side, eyebrows contracted together, as curiosity danced through her. 'What?'

He shook his head, the corner of his lips tilting up, indicating he was trying not to laugh. She felt the remnant of her previous emotion welling up again, she hated people knowing something that she didn't and this situation was no different. She sighed; frustrated with him already, 'House what's so funny?' her head shook with exasperation, desperately needing to know.

Her movement triggered her attention to the window, head turning slightly to catch a glimpse of her reflection. Her face dropped, shock, before a giggle burst from her lips. The blanket had ruined her hair, all messed up, a birds nest round her head, it looked ridiculous and mixed with her previous pouting she must have looked a sight. His light laugh brought her attention back to him.

'You're an ass!'

With that she threw a pillow at him, hitting him square in the chest, a smile breaking back out over her face as she ducked back down behind the sofa avoiding his return toss.

Her head popped up again, eyeing his retreating back. The rough tones of his voice floating over his shoulder, 'You're staying here for the night, too late to go home, that should keep you warm.'

…………………………………

He hated lying alone in his empty bed, staring at the shadows on the ceiling. He would have allowed her to lie alongside him but having her so near would be unbarable. He was a glutton for punishment, seeking out trouble, inflicting pain on himself, but this was too much for him to handle. His heart was so unsteady, he couldn't trust himself, knowing the desire to have her would be too strong and neither of them needed anymore complications right now.

He didn't know how many hours had passed. Unable to shut his mind off, evading sleep, dreams broken and fragmented, constantly tossing and turning. Time seemed to be crawling. Hours would fly by in his mind, and yet the clock had only moved a few minutes. The world was taunting him, leaving him lying awake with his thoughts. Unable to escape from the torture his emotions were inflicting upon him.

He needed a distraction, something just to break the constant ache of words stampeding through his head. So he'd got up, barely sparing a glance at the clock beside his bed as he slinked into the lounge. His attempts at remaining quiet were useless, the bang of his cane seeming so loud when he was working so hard not to disturb her. He just wanted a glass of water, but making it there without waking her seemed like a marathon in itself.

He managed to get halfway across the floor, before he paused. His eyes fell upon her, hair flowing wildly around on the pillow, the moonlight flitting in through the curtains illuminating her face.

She seemed so peaceful.

His eyes wandered over her, coming to rest on her hand. It was held protectively over the lower half of her tummy. As though subconsciously needing to protect the thing within her, keep some sort of guard up over that little life.

He didn't disagree with her decision, although he'd never tell her. If it had been anyone else his advice would have been to terminate, not wishing to inflict having your worst memories staring back at you each and everyday on anyone.

But Cuddy wanted this; she was so desperate for a child it seemed like some sort of silver lining. A small gift for the pain and suffering she went through and he wouldn't be the one to wish her last little thread of happiness and hope away.

Even if it ruined his, took his last chance of having her from him. Once the baby was born she wouldn't need him anymore more. He forced the sadness to the back of his mind, not focusing on the fact that the one secret thing he hoped for would most likely never happen.

With one last look, he crossed the final few meters into the kitchen. The cool water sprayed over his skin as he plunged the glass beneath it. He took a small sip, before turning to return to his room. His bare feet tried to carefully tiptoe back but as he approached his door his cane caused one of the boards to creak, the sound loud and echoing in the room. He froze for a few moments, allowing the noise to die down. Sensing no movement he turned to enter his room, but her voice calling out made him stop.

'House?' it was fairly calm but accompanied with an almost unnoticeable level of uncertainty.

'hmm,' a confirming growl from the back of his throat, head turning to look at her, staring at the place she'd be if he could see through the back of the sofa. Silently grateful he couldn't see her eyes.

She said nothing else, and after allowing a few minutes to pass, so he went to go into his room once more, but his movement triggered her voice.

'Thank you,'

He didn't need to know what she was thank you for; she could be for so many things and knowing Cuddy she was. Everything seemed to run so deep within her that these few simple words expressed a mountain of meanings.

Giving a reply in the form of a sharp nod he knew she could sense but couldn't see, he finally turned the corner, closing his bedroom door behind him.

……………………..

She'd heard him move, her eyes closed but her mind not fully in sleeps grasp.

She'd felt his eyes on her, watching her for a moment, desperately wanting to know what was going on in his head. Something was going on, something beneath the surface, hidden by his hard exterior.

She knew he was nearly as confused as she was, everything that had happened unsettling the comfortable balance between them.

She felt guilty, she'd dragged him out of his comfort zone, forced him to reassess everything around him, and change her position in his life. She knew she was no longer his boss, and he was no longer just Dr House to her.

When she'd heard him hobble back, she knew she had to say something, ease the bubble building within; let him know she was grateful even though she was sure he wouldn't care.

House didn't think much of platitudes, but they mattered to her and that was what counted.

She knew he nodded when she uttered those words, not expecting a response even before they'd left her lips.

Once he'd left, she settled back down closing her eyes once more, unaware that he was also lying awake only a few inches away.

………………….

They watched the minutes tick by, both laying there lost in their thoughts each one wishing for sleep and knowing no matter how hard they tried, it would never come.

_Sorry guys! i know this one is a little bit of a filler! but i felt it needed a happy note before all the action came, calm before the storm to a certain extent! please be patient with me, it all gonna start in the next chappie speedy speedy!! you won't have to wait long!! and please review...cos they make me smiley!!! _


	11. Mixing Amongst The Shadows

_Hey I __wanted to get this chapter up as soon as I could because the last one was just a filler. I wasn't on form when I wrote It, I'd been suffering with a bout of writers block. I hope it didn't put my readers off. I feel this one is a lot better, not to mention more, Huddy loving than Huddy friends which is always good. :). The last chapter was just to resolve certain situations, now the path is clear for the story to slowly unravel…lots of twists and turns left so don't give up on me just yet! And of course, the Huddy sex too!! So remain in your seats people, and remember to review at the end lol!!_

_The title, while slightly obscure, is to do with the fact this chapter is a lot to do with House and Cuddy hiding from each other, and trying to avoid things. Also certain other things are going on which will become clearer in the next few chapters._

_Hugs_

_Scarlett_

_Reviewers: -_

_HouseAddiction__: yeah it was intense, a little too much, but I was aiming more for the comfort factor than anger lol…so I'm pleased that came through! I'm pleased u liked it:D thanks!!_

_house's phoenix__: Yes it was a bit of a filler, which is bad because I tend not to do that, but stuff needed resolving before I could take the story on to the next stage of developments. I apologize for the chunks of texts, I think I got a bit snowed under, I felt under so much pressure to write it because I'd left this one for so long. But with this chapter I was able to take my time with it…so I'm happy :). Thanks for reviewing bubs!!_

_prinnie__: Hello you!!! The punisher has graced my fic with a review lol! Thank god house came across as house…I was worried about that a lot!! And yeah…it was a set up completely!! Now on to the exciting stuff!! ((hughgles and lisses))_

_sinister scribe__: Lmao thanks for putting yourself through that bubs!! I know you don't like that kind of thing…and I'm flattered you suffered through the pain for me!! Lol…thank you for saying I write it well :)…me flattered!!_

_gabiroba__:) I'm pleased you still liked it. I did try and use it as a chapter to reflect their thoughts and feelings but I think I got too bogged down by them…I'm much happier with this chapter…I hope you like it too!!!_

_Anon:) I'm so happy you find my story interesting!! And I was trying to use the last chapter for exactly that, to look inside their heads and stuff, but you're right…too much description. I think I've gone back to my old ways with this next chapter and broken down the description again so it's not too hard to get through…at least I hope it's not!! Lol! Thank you for mentioning the way I write their vulnerability but keep it in character, it is one of the things I try very hard to do so it's always nice to hear that I achieve my goal:D _

_-----------------------------SS------------------------------_

Mixing Amongst the Shadows

The hallway was quiet, just how she wanted it to be. She turned the corner walking the long stretch beside the baby ward. She stopped to watch, smiling as there little hands and legs stretched, kicking out from under their blankets, eyes closed, innocent and undamaged. Little bundles of joy all wrapped up in alternating colours. A ball of warmth blossomed in her chest, knowing she'd be holding one in her arms soon enough.

She wished she wasn't doing it alone, but she'd rather this than nothing at all…maybe. Doubts still sprung up at the most inopportune times. Sitting in a board meeting, in the clinic and now, walking down to her prenatal scan. She knew she was stalling, there was no reason for her to linger the way she did.

'Thinking of stealing one?'

Lost in her thoughts she hadn't heard him approach, the voices in her head loud enough to drown out even his un-stealthy gait.

'I don't think you'll pass it off as yours, wonder woman though you are, I don't think even you can give birth in a month.'

She snorted, turning back to the wall of glass that separated the fragile beings from the outside world. Each ones life already laid out for it, their innocence seeping out of them with every passing year. Was their destiny determined, she was always curious to know if life was as unpredictable as it seemed. Maybe it was written in the stars, just no one had bothered to look long enough, think long enough. Maybe if she had, she wouldn't be standing here today.

Without a word she turned, walking the last few feet, knowing he was desperately trying to keep up with her, even though it was impossible when she was in one of these moods.

She strolled round the corner, walking into the waiting room, approaching the desk. Her appointment was in 10 minutes. She filled in the appropriate forms; hiding a smile at the fact the nurse was eyeing them with curiosity, eyes flicking between her and House. It was obvious she was trying to deduce why he was there. Everyone in the hospital knew she was pregnant, the gossip racing around like wild fire after her announcement. The only piece of information which had remained incredibly opaque was who fathered it, and now, with House standing behind her, she had a feeling incorrect assumptions were being made.

'What?' Cuddy's head shot over her shoulder when she heard House's voice. He was staring at the nurse, a mocking expression over his face, 'something overly interesting about the Baby bearing boss?' Cuddy turned back to the nurse, trying to not laugh at the look of embarrassment that flushed over her face.

' I, er' she was stuttering obviously unsure of what to say.

'Er??' Cuddy frowned at him, she knew he'd be his usual self, always trying to annoy her staff; but she wasn't going to let him use her to do so.

'House, go and sit down.' He looked at her, innocence written all over his face, it didn't work with her, 'now.'

'Yes mistress.' Cuddy sighed as he winked at the nurse over her shoulder, a look of shock now clearly apparent on her face. Cuddy stared at her with a stern expression until the nurse noticed she was being watched. Startled at the way Cuddy was looking at her she quickly buried herself beneath the papers over her desk.

Cuddy went to follow House as he trudged his way over to a seat. They sat, her hand smacking his lower leg when he went to put his feet up on the table.

Her fingers scrambled for a magazine, anything to pass the time without having any words between them. She didn't need to be annoyed before this. She was walking on a tight rope as it was; her emotions already on edge.

House's hand drummed against his leg, she could feel his fingers just brushing her skin. She shifted, but in the packed appointment room she couldn't get enough distance between them to stop the sensation. It was making her increasingly uncomfortable. Her eyes were on the magazine but they weren't moving. Her mind was focused on his hand, the accidental caress against her thigh, making her tingle, sending a shiver through her she only just managed to resist, forcing her body to remain relaxed, keeping her breath calm, dimming any sign of arousal from his simple touch.

……………………..

He could feel the warmth from her leg, the smooth skin brushing against his knuckles. He couldn't help but indulge in the feel of her, this little fraction of her he was able to touch.

She was uptight today, he'd know that the moment he'd seen her this morning. He'd hovered just out of site, choosing to watch her instead, judge her thoughts and feelings by the expressions that passed so freely across her face when she thought no one was around to see them.

The way in which she talked to him, the short sharp tones, the little reprimands. He shouldn't love it as much as he did, but it was his Cuddy. The woman that used to stay toe to toe with him each and everyday was slowly returning with full force.

It bought a certain sense of happiness and joy, many alien emotions invading him at once, triggering a certain sense of fear at the thought of her managing to cleanse his blackened soul. He'd worked hard to get it that way, and here she was, washing away all his work with a few gentle touches.

He didn't mean to push, but he couldn't play this game any other way. He had to get things to return to the way they were, and that was to have her on her guard, one of them had to resist this, prevent them colliding together, avoid the many mixed emotions blending with the messy situation; and, unable to ignore how he felt, he knew she was going to have to be the strong one.

…………………….

'Dr. Cuddy?'

Her head snapped up, thank god the nurse had arrived, calling her out for her appointment, an angel sent to rescue her from falling under the devils spell. She shot up, faster than necessary, startling House, who seemed to snap out of a trance.

'Woah! Wound like a live wire aren't we? Anyone would think you were worried.'

She ignored him, choosing instead to follow the nurse, unaware of his footsteps behind her until the door had shut behind them and she turned to find him standing only inches away.

She opened her mouth to tell him to leave, but closed it not wanting to make a scene in front of the Doctor who was waiting for them. She never suspected he'd follow her, this far. Sit outside in the waiting room maybe. She swallowed; the nerves that had been fluttering around inside her reaching a crescendo and House was going to be around to view them, watch every emotion that flickered across her face as she lied vulnerable on the table only a short distance away.

She slid up onto the surface, House's eyes on her the whole time as he leant against the wall. Her fingers fumbled at the zip of her skirt, sliding it down to loosen the material around her waste and force it lower. She then dragged her shirt up over her abdomen leaving it to rest just below her breasts. She saw House's eyes focus on the creamy expanse of skin that had been exposed, eyes boring into each inch of flesh. She tried to ignore the tingle, focusing all her attention on the Doctors words guiding her through the process, one which Cuddy new off by heart.

She gasped as the cool gel coated her stomach, the wand gliding over her lower abdomen, a barely visible shadow springing onto the screen in front of her. Her eyes settled on the tiny form, the rhythmic beat of its heart echoing off the walls around her.

She felt all the emotions well up inside, contrasting, joy, hope and happiness still tinted with shame and regret from how this little life was formed. She felt the tears sting her eyes, blurring her vision. She tried to fight against it, force them away; not wishing anyone to see her like this but a droplet broke free, trickling down into her hair. She didn't hear him move, had almost forgotten he was there until she felt his warm hand slid into hers.

She forced the heel of her palm into her eyes, wiping the moisture away.

'Sorry.'

The Doctor smiled down at her, 'Don't be, first time parents always find seeing their child for the first time emotional, tears are perfectly natural.'

Parents? It took a second for Cuddy's brain, weighed down with emotions, to catch up with what the Doctor had said. Shit she thought….House…the daddy? Cuddy would have laughed in any other situation, but this was different. The Doctor thought House had fathered her child.

She went to clear this awful assumption up but House's voice rang out, killing the explanation on her lips, 'Yeah, we're so excited.'

Her head snapped up to him, confused and frowning. He wasn't looking at her, avoiding her gaze, eyes still focused on the screen. His voice had been his usual breathless mocking tone, subtle enough not to be picked up by the doctor, but loud enough for her to hear. Talk about fuelling rumours. His expression was tense, trying to keep his face emotionless. Why was he doing this? Somehow he'd been teasing her all day, deliberately or by accident. Her stress had all but doubled with having him around.

Her hand squeezed his tightly, trying to crush his fingers as she forced a false smile onto her lips in reply to the doctor's comment. She had to remain silent, a dead explanation now lingering on her lips as her mind worked over time trying to explain everything that was unravelling around her.

He was toying with her, winding her up like he always did. She should correct the doctor's assumptions, set things straight but how could she? If she said House wasn't the father, not only would that look weird after House had just said he was, but also the question about who was would certainly appear, and that she wasn't willing to explain.

Pregnant with one mans child, while another man stood beside her. It didn't look good. Maybe it was better to leave the lie in place. But House… the dad? She imagined, this little life having bright blue eyes and felt a sense of warmth expand within her.

She shook her head, this was silly, she wouldn't want House as the father, and it certainly wouldn't help her career if he was. But luckily for her the doctor was bound by patient doctor confidentiality, so none of this would leak out into the hospital. In a weird way House had managed to protect her, helping her avoid the uncomfortable looks and awkward explanations, but she was still angry with him, the way he was messing with her mind, and she was even more angry at herself that she was letting him.

-------------------------SS----------------------------

Finally it was over. Her head ached from the many thoughts and feelings rushing around; the constant waves of confusion crashing against the confines of her skull ringing within her mind.

She hated him right now, everything he made her think; everything he made her feel. She could only deal with one thing at a time, and House was too much to handle.

Why had she told him about the appointment?

She whirled round the corner and slammed to a halt, something occurring to her once her thoughts had finally died down. She never did tell him, so how the hell had he found out?

She spun round to confront him, faltering slightly when she realised he was so close, her panicked stumble causing her to loose her balance. She would have toppled over if it hadn't been for his arm lacing around her waist, holding her too him, grunting as she collided with his chest.

'Falling on your ass isn't going to do the baby any good, even if there is a lot of padding.' He prodded it with his finger.

'House!...' her hands went up, fastening themselves around his arms trying to pry them away from her, fearful of who could walk round the corner any moment and trying to ignore the warm sensation the seemed to spread through her from his touch. She leant back, increasing the distance between them as much as she could when she was pinned to him.

He was smiling, knowing she was uncomfortable, although she sensed he probably thought it was more to do with the hospital than him. Him being pressed against her, forcing her to face things she'd otherwise ignore. She wanted him; she could feel it throb through every muscle of her being. Over the last few weeks everything had been building, all the confusion and fear clouding her judgement slowly lifting, to reveal something she'd rather run from.

'House, please,' it was breathless, pleading, his proximity stealing the oxygen from her lungs, needed to feed her rapidly beating heart.

She felt his hands move lower, she knew she should do something, push him away tell him to stop, but the mist of desire was consuming her. She hadn't had a man's hands on her since the attack, and this was the first time she'd ever let herself truly want it. Lust was rearing its ugly head at the worse possible time; it had to be the hormones. He hadn't even touched her yet, and she was already in a daze, reeling from having his arms round her, his hips forced firmly against her own.

This shouldn't be happening, couldn't be happening, in the middle of the hall where anyone could see them, and yet she couldn't pull away, feet frozen to the spot, desire only drawing her closer. She needed this.

Her eyes fell upon the little line of skin, his shirt, cracked open, a line of buttons undone revealing him to her. Her body moved of its own accord, face coming forward tongue flicking out to lick her lips moments before they caressed his skin; a gentle kiss, long and lingering over his heartbeat before trailing upwards towards their final destination. She paused, feeling his breath tickle her skin, their mouths only an inch away, her eyes, dark and desperate, begging him to close the final distance.

……………………………..

She felt so good in his hands. Her warmth pressed up against him, lips open as she gazed up into his face. He hadn't meant to end up with her like this, catching her had been a reflex action, which had ended up with delicious consequences.

He leant his head down, closing the distance, brushing his lips over hers. His arms were suddenly grasping nothing but air, a loud noise ringing out had caused Cuddy to break away from him. Her body darted passed him before he even had a chance to register what had happened. He whirled on the spot, eyes zooming in on the cause of the disturbance, what had awoken her and forced the object of his desire to flee from him.

A nurse was frozen to the spot, eyes wide with shock, staring straight at House.

'What?' his annoyance rumbled low in his voice, 'the boss was trying a new discipline technique, keep staring long enough and I'm sure she'll try it out on you too.'

With that he hurried down the hall after Cuddy. His heart was hammering, he'd thought his chance had passed, but it only just begun; all the time he'd been telling himself she didn't want him, and here she was making the first move. He'd almost gotten her to give in, let him closer, and yet she'd fled, for the second time, but this time, he wasn't going to let her get way.

……………………….

She burst through her office doors, chest heaving. There was a delay in the click of safety before it slammed shut behind her making her jump. She spun on her heel, coming face to face with House, his eyes dark, boring into her as he slinked towards her in the dim light of her office.

She darted behind her desk, trying to form a wall between her and him refusing to give into anymore hormonal emotions.

'What do you want?'

He frowned, 'I think that's the first stupid question I've ever heard you ask, it's pretty obvious what I want, or more technically whom.'

Her eyes stared straight into his, her heart still hammering, 'House I can't deal with this right now.'

'Then when can you? That was all your doing out there. You can't come on to me then run away and hide in your office.'

'I'm not hiding.'

He raised his eyebrows, eyes running round the room and over the desk and her hands which where now splayed over it. 'Well it certainly looks like it from where I'm standing.'

'Then move.'

'Fine I will.'

She thought he was going to go, and stumbled when he rushed forward, invading her space, breaking the barrier she'd formed between them, there was no desk to keep them apart now, just her and her will power.

With every step he took, she took one back. She'd never normally retreat but she didn't trust herself right now. She felt the wall press up against her back, solid and preventing. Now where left to go, cornered like a piece of prey.

His hands came to gently rest on the wall either side of her head, bringing his face forward, breath brushing over her lips, 'still looks like your trying to hide from this angle too.'

She frowned, turning her head away, this was stupid, she was stood here carrying another mans child while her employee had her pressed up against the wall. The wish that she wasn't carrying the little complication within her womb passed for a fleeting second, but she quickly banished it. It was the one wall that could never be broken, and for that she was thankful. She couldn't give in to him, and her baby ensured she wouldn't.

'House this would never work. So stop playing games and leave.' Her voice sounded braver than she felt. Her knees almost giving way from under her as she could feel his warm breath tickle the sensitive skin on her neck.

He went to speak, but a rapid knocking halted him.

Their heads turned towards the door, the little disturbance, seen as a curse by one and a blessing by the other.

'That was your queue to leave. I have work, to do.'

He leant in the final distance, his lips caressing the corner of her mouth, before pulling back, fingers fastening around her chin and forcing her to face him, to look into his eyes.

'You can't run from me forever Cuddy.'

Without another word he abandoned her, the cool air rushing in to claim her, an icy touch upon her heated skin.

With a sigh she watched the door swing open, allowing a brief moment to gather her thoughts and feelings, eyes snapping open as she heard footsteps, and the loud crack of the door snapping shut echoing around the room.

………………..

His heart had been leading; he knew about the baby, knew he could never be a father to it and yet he wanted her anyway. He would take anything he could from her, any little thing she was willing to give and for however long she'd let him take it.

He'd had to pull away, the outside world knocking at her door, stealing her away from him at every opportunity.

His fingers wrapped round the door handle, eyes focused forward refusing to look back. As he stepped outside the office he went to close the door behind him, wanting to give her a few moments to herself, to think about what he'd said and let it sink in, but he was forced to the side as a heavy body crashed into him. He met the man's eyes as he rushed passed, wide and wild, the iris so dark it seemed almost black. The man quickly vanished within the office, House's head whipping round when he heard the click of the lock.

Ice seemed to cascade into his stomach, goose pimples breaking out all over his skin even with the absence of a chill. His body had gone on high alert, a sense of dread washing over him.

Something didn't feel right.

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_Thank you for reading!!! I hope this one was a lot better than the last and i'm not losing my touch!!! Please REVIEW!! they make me smiley!! lol ((hugs)) to all the huddy bunnies out there!!_


	12. Eternal Bleeding

_Ok I left you guys f__or a little longer than I intended but my weeks back at uni have been a bit manic…and I'm now ill…icky lol!! But I'm back…but sadly not with a happy chapter, this might be a bit hard for some of you to stomach but I did my best to make it work without making it impossible to read. It even made me sad writing it :(. But Things will get better I promise…just focus on the fact there will be a happy ending and it will get you through!!!_

_Thanks guys!!_

_(((hugs)))_

_Scarlett_

_Reviewers: -_

_sinister scribe__:- Don't u worry he will get what's coming to him!!! Lol!!! Woo for the cliffies….as you know and have told me many times…I'm evil :P.(but you love me for it) xx_

_HouseAddiction__:- lol thanks…I was trying to make up for the chapter before that which wasn't too good. So I'm pleased you liked this one. I left it there because I'm a meany lol! (and proud of it :D)_

_Shikabane-Mai__:- yes I can -giggles- I couldn't resist. It was such a happy chappie I had to leave it on a torturing note….but I didn't want to leave you for too long, I'm not that cruel lol! Thank you so much for your compliments they mean so much…and always make me feel good about my writing which is really nice :)._

_Metaphoric.Love__: gasp indeed he does lol!_

_Nigcy35__3:- lol Yes he has locked the door, house has no way in. Cuddy and the bad man are alone in her office…what could his intentions be??...read on to find out (I sound like an advert lol.) I hope it is all those things you say my writing is :). Sorry I didn't answer your prayers…Ii updated as fast as I could…uni drowned me within the first few weeks and I'm now suffering with fresher's flu…and I'm a second year…grumbles._

_TammySMS__:- lol here's your new chapter…I'm so happy you find house and cuddy so real because that's what I'm aiming for…its quite difficult…because it's an emotional fic…with house…those things don't go well together lol!_

_Mixy:-__ lmao the punisher…that title will always suit you!! Me…a tease…never! -looks innocent-Lol! I chose to dangle the chappie…up until now :D…tada…here it is!_

_house's phoenix__:- your very welcome lol! Thank you to you too :)_

_GAddisonFan123__: lol all I'm getting told is that I'm a meanie and a tease…Is it a bad thing that, that makes me smile? Hehehe….evil me leaving everyone hanging!! I'm pleased the last chappie worked and what I was trying to do was clear…I wanted some huddy in it, and I felt it was just the right time!! And that for me, is part of who house is,- doing something to make people face up to things. Thanks you for your review :)._

_Inuvit__:- woah the whole fic…I'm flattered. When stories get to this stage normally new people don't bother to read them because there seems to be so much! I'm trying to update this one as fast as I can…because I left it a little last year and I refuse to do the same this year of uni…I need to learn to juggle better:) you think its well written?? smiles thank you! And yeah I agree there are lots of stories on this subject but nearly always ham not huddy….so I decided to see what would happen if this happened to a strong woman_

_J Lesley:- Alive??? Oh dam it lol…(j/k)…I wouldn't kill of my characters…I'm not that cruel…as I keep saying (to keep peoples spirits up) there will be a happy happy ending!! I promise!!_

_wheretobe__:- The baby was what I thought cuddy would do, in her situation I think she would, besides with her guilt complex I don't think she could cope with getting rid of it. YAY you love it :D. and don't worry stuff will continue to develop between house and cuddy!! _

_Nocus99In__ :- woo intensity :D….and yay for you liking the way I write them lol! That means a lot because I work so hard to keep them in character…it gets so frustrating sometimes. There's always going to be more Huddy….it is a huddy loving fic after all lol! And it actually took me a long while to decide how I was going to bring 'the bastard' back and what to do with him when I did. I'm so happy the last part of the chapter worked out well, I try so hard to get the suspense write, testing a load of different words and punctuation to get the tone of the whole thing and inject the correct sense of emotion. Thank you so much :). _

_gabiroba__ :- lol sorry, it was such a happy chappie up until the last little bit. Like a peak in a roller coaster and we are on our way down, but don't you worry…we'll go up again soon I promise!! Omg…you think I'm cruel too!! Lol…people really don't have a high opinion of me now hehe!_

_tricks-meuler__:- ooo another new reader :). Lol it was a big cliffy to end up on!! But yay you like it!! And yep more hudylicious stuff to come!! Got to resolve certain things first though._

_Jorje__:- wooo you're going mental……wait…that's not a good thing is it lol! Here's and update…so your sanity stays in tact!!_

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Eternal Bleeding

She tried to calm herself before turning, taking deep breaths before she returned to work, dragging her controlled aura over her mind, then spinning on her heel to face the entrant into her office.

She froze for a moment, his eyes staring straight into hers, dark and empty, as though soulless. A shudder wracked through her, body shaking, the chill emanating through it. She shook it off in a moments notice, blaming her heightened senses on House's previous presence and trying to force all emotions to the back of her mind, get her head under control.

She walked to her desk, palms pressing into the surface, bringing her head back up.

'How can I help you?' Her voice was calmer than she thought, not giving anything away, and yet the man's eyes seemed to flicker, as though something deeper was going on. She waited, being unnerved by the brief pause, muscles tensing as the silence strung out. Then he spoke; his voice emotionless and monotone.

'No, you've done enough.'.

She frowned, unknowing of the meaning behind the words or who he was.

'I'm sorry.'

'You should be.'

She shook her head slowly trying to gather some understanding from the bizarre conversation that was taking place, 'I'm sorry, have we met?'

A smile spread over the man's face, but it was nasty, leaving his eyes empty, more like a leer than anything else.

'We're quite closely acquainted, although you're more likely to remember my wife, she was a patient of yours.'

She nodded slowly, an idea rooting itself in her brain, believing this just to be another grieving man come to take out his sorrow on her over the loss of his loved one. 'When did she pass away?'

Anger flashed over the man's face, 'she didn't, much to my regret.'

Cuddy's mouth opened slightly, the mist of confusion coating her once more, 'I'm sorry.' How many times had she said those words? Every time she thought she'd managed to grasp some idea of where this conversation was heading it slipped through her fingers.

'The little bitch didn't die, thanks to you,'

She swallowed, stepping back from her desk, feeling incredibly vulnerable, knowing that the big block of wood in front of her was not a form of defence against this man. She wanted to run, do something so she wasn't alone in the room with him. His eyes were manic, becoming darker and more enraged as the minutes passed. Taking deep breaths she tried to remain calm, all she could think was to keep him talking, try and understand what was going on and diffuse the situation as best she could.

'The whore deserved to die, all my hard work trying to rid the world of the little cheat and you cure it all. She's now off living her life on another continent, far beyond my reach, all smiles; while I'm left alone in this shitty little place, with nothing but anger and hate. So rather than sit and wallow in my house just thinking about the revenge I'd never have, I decided to act on the anger and hurt the next best thing….you.' His eyes scanned over her, making her body burn, his stare so hard she felt naked beneath it, 'your body was as gorgeous as I thought it would be splayed out beneath me, entirely at my mercy. You're very tight by the way.'

She felt like a forty ton truck had hit her, the air leaving her lungs. Those few crude words, causing bile to rise in her throat as the identity of this man became clear. She tried to speak, say something through the shock; fear barely seeping in, her body seeming numb due to the emotional overload on her brain. 'It was you.'

He smiled, 'I wished I'd left you conscious, listened to your little cries of pain and desperation, but I had to knock you out while I had my way with your body. Better for both of us really, you weren't awake for the ordeal of having me in you, and you didn't see my face, if you had it would have made following you after I'd attacked increasingly difficult, as it happens I've been in the clinic almost everyday since.'

She had to get out. The walls seemed to be closing in on her, her head hammering as each memory hit her, a face now on the man who had lived so long in her nightmares. She bolted forwards, not thinking, her only aim to get to the door. She didn't make it, her body struggling uselessly as the man's arms wrapped round her, dragging her away from her only escape.

………………………

House tried to listen; his back was arched as his ear pressed against the door. But the wood was too solid, only whispers and tones leaking through, and with the added distraction of Cuddy's new assistant squawking behind him telling him to leave He had no chance of discerning whether she was in danger or it was just his raw unstable emotions playing havoc with his head.

He needed to get in, create his usual disturbance, come up with some sort of excuse to enter; it didn't have to be a good one.

He slipped his hand into his pocket fruitlessly hunting around for the keys that normally lived there. But there was nothing, his nails scraping at the empty material, no cold metal falling into his fingers.

'Shit.'

He'd left them upstairs, he turned, eyeing up the nurses and doctors milling around.

'Any chance anyone's got a spare key to the Dean's office. I don't care why, whether, it's needed for work, for spying or just for secret evening visits? I just need it.'

The reactions were a mix of glares, frowns and complete disregard for what House was saying. In their minds it was House causing problems for Cuddy yet again, focusing all his antics on her. No matter what he tried to convince them he knew he couldn't fight against their opinions of him, knowing them to be set in concrete. He leant forward once more, bringing his eye level with the key hole trying to see something, anything to indicate whether his concerns were founded in some form of fact.

He could barely see a thing, each blink blocking out any image his eye had managed to form. He forced his eyes to stay open, trying to draw as much information from the key shaped puzzle piece image he had of Cuddy's office. He could see a fraction of the man's back, his fist clenched. Cuddy's body was obviously off in the distance, at least one hand braced against the desk.

He retreated, the single effort of trying to hear something still in vain. Each word was fragmented, the buzz of the clinic breaking the sentences each time.

'Dr House, if you wait for an hour or so I'm sure Dr Cuddy would be happy to see you after her meeting'

The assistant's sickly voice broke his focus, drowning out any other chance of dragging something from the conversation within those four walls.

He turned to the woman, for once his snark leaving him, not wishing to lash out; all he could feel was panic. He didn't know where this protective attitude was rearing its head in from, but he chose to let it lead. No matter how much he tried to hide it the woman within that room mattered to him.

His brain was working overtime, trying to come up with some form of contact. The idea suddenly hit him, the wave of revelation washing over him as he scrambled for his pager ripping it from his hip. His fingers fumbled with the buttons quickly typing out his message, barely readable from all the mistakes, but something that would definitely get a reply. Cuddy didn't leave any page unanswered; even his, because she just couldn't risk the life of a patient on the fact that he might be winding her up once again.

Better to be safe than sorry.

And for once he was following that rule. He pressed the send button. Feeling the minutes crawl by desperately waiting for a response, some sign of life, something just to say she was ok. She'd only just built herself back up; he wasn't going to let something shatter her once more.

Suddenly he heard a bang, barely noticeable if his ears hadn't been tuned into the sounds from within the office.

His heart stopped, mind focused on his aim, nothing else entering his attention. A piece of wood separated him from the one thing he needed to protect, but with the lock she might as well have been on the other side of the world for all he could do.

He felt the frustration building, wishing he could bang down the door, and knowing it was useless. A healthy man couldn't do that, let alone a limper.

Whirling around he scanned the crowd once more, knowing any words uttered from his mouth wouldn't be believed and for the first time in his life he felt remorse for what he'd done. He never minded what was inflicted upon him from his actions, but this time the consequences weren't for him, but for someone else.

The fracture in his armour had been found, and the world was currently centring in on it preparing for the final blow.

He hobbled away, knowing he had only one option of getting into that room, and they were currently three floors up lying in his draw. He ignored the frown of confusion crossing the secretaries face as he hurried passed, no jibes shooting from his mouth.

'Dr House?'

She tried to halt him, call him back; curiosity obviously over ruling her self preservation. Only the dim ones would poke an animal because they were curious why it didn't bite. But he still felt nothing, his original instincts buried beneath a wall of fear. He hurried forward, already feeling the seconds slip through his fingers. He had to get in there and fast.

He jabbed at the lift button, forcing his way to the front, hitting ankles to make people move out the way, voices crying out in protest but he didn't care, it was nothing new.

He looked up; the lifts seemed to remain at the same level, as though deliberately remaining slow, another dam in his way.

All his emotions were mingling, anger and frustration, fear and panic. His body wasn't used to this level of turmoil; the life in the balance wasn't normally one he was worried about, and the fact that he now did scared the shit out of him.

…………………

The air was squeezed from her lungs, his arms so tight, muscles constricting as he wrapped them round her frame. She was wriggling and kicking with all her might but he was just too strong.

She felt the pager vibrate at her hip. The only chance she had left, her fingers fumbling, trying to get it into her grasp without alerting him to her actions, attracting his attention. She desperately needed some form of contact with the outside world, some way to alert the people beyond those walls that she was in danger.

She failed, his elbow jogging her, her pager flying through the air, help now lying a meter away in full view of her tormentor.

She tried to scream, but the moment a single note left her lips his hand crashed down over them, not even leaving enough room for the air to breath. She could feel the world evaporating, slowly dissolving before her eyes, limbs tired; her body weak. She didn't know what to do, she just had to get away, free herself from the scent of him that was engulfing her, like an old enemy, back with a bitter sting.

In a moment of panic, she sunk her teeth into his hand, tearing at his skin. Her natural instincts had taken over, only the need for survival pumping through her veins. Her mind long gone, fleeing due to fear leaving nothing but sheer desperation, and actions without thought of consequence.

She heard his voice cry out, expletives she couldn't decipher, the world whirling before her eyes as her body was spun round. The relief, of being able to breath, was short lived. As her senses returned she felt the sting across her cheek, the force behind it sending her flying. Her whole frame crashed into her desk, the corner piercing into her abdomen, searing pain racing through her body as she fell to the ground.

She could feel each ache, marks peppering her skin, hidden bruises that would blossom over time. She tried to put up some defence as he approached her, staring down at her broken frame crumpled on the floor, exhausted from the struggle, pain, making even the smallest movements agony, hammering through her stomach making her want to scream out.

She felt him hover, lifting his foot up, her body bracing itself for the attack. Instead it was brought down inches away from her, her reactions on high alert, jolting in surprise. Bits of plastic flew all over the room, scratching her skin, now all that was left of her pager, shattered beneath his boot.

He stopped, the shadow of his body looming over her vanishing. She fought to open her eyes, the image taking a while to come into focus, her brain slow under powered, suffocating through pain and exhaustion.

She couldn't move; gasping for breath. Her body too tired to fight; her voice quiet and empty, no energy to power it left inside her. Only her determination forced her forward, limbs shaking as they took her weight once more, hands braced against the desk as she pulled herself to her feet, her piercing blue eyes facing the man who had caused her so much pain.

'Does it hurt?'

She glared at him, incapable of forming a sentence trying to cling onto to her last ounce of energy.

He smiled, a sickening grin, like an animal feasting on its pray, the first time any joy had reached his eyes; satisfaction from watching her crumble.

The pain in her stomach still drilled through her, little bolts of fire burning her insides with every shock. She tried not to let the agony show on her face, refusing to let this man get anymore from her than he already had.

'Do you want to know why I came here?'

He started pacing, his eyes roving around the room, manic, crazy. She remained clinging onto her desk, the only support she had keeping her standing, her legs long since failed.

'I came because you were happy.' Her face remained blank and emotionless, allowing his words to wash over her, penetrate the haze that was slowly descending. 'I've been watching you for the passed months; enjoying seeing your shattered spirit wander round these halls. A broken image of the women that once was. It made me proud to know I'd done that, revenge was mine, revenge without consequence. And yet my joy didn't last long.'

She continued to stare at him, focusing on her breathing, refusing to give in to the blackness that was threatening to consume her, slowly fogging her vision.

'That man kept hobbling around after you everywhere, constantly by your side. And while that angered me it was nothing to what I discovered later in the week. I come in one day, watching you rush by in you usual manner. But you seemed different. Your eyes alight with life, an image in which made me determined to find out why. And destroy it.'

His words sunk in, triggering something dormant, her body desperately trying to understand, gather some meaning. Remove her happiness; destroy it. She felt the stabbing pain hit her once more, her nails sinking into the skin of her stomach, a reflex reaction, holding back a cry. Her hand slid lower, curving protectively over the space in which the life within her inhabited. Fear growing, no longer just for her own life, but also the one growing inside.

He wasn't looking at her, feet following the same rout back and forth across her carpet, like a caged animal.

'I lingered, I followed, I watched. And only a week later do I stumble upon the truth. There was me thinking you were only entering the baby clinic for work, but my discovery meant I was very much mistaken.'

She could sense his anger building with each word, his body becoming tenser, his pace becoming faster. Fists clenched by his side.'

'And then, there was the other factor. The man that seems to bring a sparkle back into your gaze, the look I had believed I had killed, turned out to be only postponed. You started to move on.' He turned to look at her, his voice becoming lower sending a chill through her aching frame.

'But you can't, because I won't let you.'

She saw him hover, halting, his whole body quivering with rage. The madness overwhelming his mind, eyes focused on one point, as though there was something only he could see.

His fist hit the wall, the bang echoing out round the room, making Cuddy jump, her whole frame quivering, crouched in pain.

'Watching that man with his hands on you, you encouraging it, dragging him forward like the little whore you are.'

She could feel her body slipping, her head falling forward, no longer having the energy to fight against the pain which was now a constant ball of agony writhing within her.

'So, I made up my mind, to get rid of the all things you hold dear. Remove everything in your life that makes you happy. One by one.'

She lifted her head once more, tears streaming down her cheeks knowing she could do nothing. Her helplessness overwhelming her, her body no longer able to hold anything back.

He was advancing on her, fists raised. She couldn't move, there was nothing left, her body totally drained. She felt numb, all emotions abandoning her as she saw him get closer with every second, murder in his eyes. The dark orbs staring at her with hunger and pain. She couldn't escape. He was going to hurt everything she had, everything that filled her life with meaning and love.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

……………………

House scrambled in his draw, rummaging around; feeling the relief when his fingers finally located the cool metal keys. He whipped them out stuffing them in his pocket as he hurried out of his office, not even worrying to clear the mess he'd left behind, papers scattered all over the floor from his hunt.

He'd wasted precious time, delayed by everything and everyone, doctors, nurses and patients hobbling in his way, forcing him to exercise restraint and not knock everything out of his way in panic.

He darted down the hall, feeling the pain in his thigh from the strain of his speed. His desperation to check that Cuddy was ok forcing his body to work beyond its limit; meaning he placed more pressure than he should on his leg.

He slid round the corner, flinging himself through the lift doors, hurriedly pressing the button. He pressed it a few times in empty hope it would hurry. In the confines of the metal box his mind ran away with him, imagining all kinds of things, the many horrors of what could be happening to her.

He'd stopped doubting himself, trusting his instincts, the ones which were almost always right. He wasn't one to second guess himself, and he refused to start now. He knew the only way he could be happy she was ok was to see it for himself. Find out whether the invader really was the parasite who'd sucked the life from her or just an ugly but innocent being.

His thoughts where quickly stalled as he walked out into the lobby. People were milling around outside Cuddy's office, the air buzzing with mumbles, many faces boring an expression of wide eyed confusion and curiosity. He hobbled over, forcing his way to the front. He approached the secretary, who was now hovering at the front of the crowd. Staring at the door in a fearful manner as though unsure as to what to do.

'What's going on?'

She turned to him, her voice panicked, for once not caring who he was.

'We heard noises, bangs, raised voices. I didn't know whether to raise the alarm or not.' She faltered under his glare, 'security has been sent for now.'

He pushed her out the way, 'well security is taking too long.'

He rammed the key in the lock; a sense of relief flooding him when he heard it click open, quickly followed by worry at what he might find on the other side.

There was only one way to know for sure.

He flung the door wide, hurrying in, his eyes assessing the situation faster than he thought possible. Cuddy crumpled on the floor, while a man loomed over her, ready to strike. He rushed forward without thinking, his only aim to prevent him from hurting her anymore than he had.

The man turned round, eyes wide, blazing with anger, immediately raising his fists towards House, preparing to swing but House was to fast. Thinking on his feet he dragged his cane up, hurling it round to come crashing into the back of the man's skull, the force throwing the man of his feet. House almost toppled, his hand steadying himself as he watched the rapist head crack into the edge of the door, the momentum forcing his body backwards, hitting the back of his head on the corner of the table, a sickening crack echoing out into the room.

The man's eyes were wide, stunned, he wasn't dead, his chest still rising with every poisonous breath. House was about to approach him; check everything was safe when a weak voice halted him in his tracks.

'House'

He turned, the fear of what he was about to see, suspended in time, moving so slow it felt as though he was walking through water. His eyes fell upon her, the woman he wanted to protect, lying damaged on the floor at his feet. Her eyes were wide and frightened, body shaking, tears streaming down her face. He let his eyes fall, stomach contracting as his gaze took in the sight of her stained finger tips, the stream of blood trickling down her thigh.

She looked up at him, lost, her eyes screaming out at him to help. But he couldn't, body frozen, unable to wrench his gaze away, for the first time in his life winded by what he saw.

There was nothing he could do to prevent it, no time, no knowledge, no cure. A knife ripped through him, the pain in her eyes like a dagger. He was standing over her, unable to turn away, his eyes never leaving her face; something dying inside as he knew he could do nothing to stem the sobs that wracked her frame as she watched helplessly, as the little life within her, pooled at her feet.

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_Thanks for reading it, I know this one was sad, but stuff will get better. It's a general upward coaster now!! So remain positive and some happy chappies will arrive soon!! With __lots of huddylicious stuff going on! Let me know what you think of this one though, it was hard to write, and made me quite depressed…so press that button and make me smile lol! ((hugs))_


	13. Death Do Us Part

_Ok this is a short chapter but an event filled one. I almost cried when I wrote it! __I've been meaning to update for ages and I'm so sorry I left it so long but this one is always so deep I have to be in a particular mind set to do anything I write for it justice. The last time I attempted to write when I wasn't prepared for this the chapter wasn't anywhere near as good as it should have been so I learnt my lesson._

_I hope you think what I did at the end of this chapter was right…and I'm sure it will satisfy a lot of you. Let me know what you think. Now its up up and up…on to the happiness and the Huddy. Few bumps to iron out but we are on the final stretch heading towards my happy ending lol!!_

_Huggles_

_Scarlett xx_

_Reviewers:-_

_HouseAddiction__: lol don't run into the wall….you never know what you might knock out of your mind!! But thank you so much…lots of praise. I'm afraid there might be a few tears in this one too. But happiness is too come I promise._

_Shikabane-Mai__: It was sad wasn't it. I feel so cruel writing all this heart ache for cuddy but it will get better!! He was a bastard and a twisted one at that! I always find that…you wanna know what happens in something but have to order yourself to slow down otherwise you miss so many details. Thank you bubs. That was a lovely review…I hope your as happy to see this update lol!!_

_starstacey__: Thank you! It was very hard to write because keeping the suspense is hard when you know what's going to happen…you have to go over it with the readers mind set. It was sad…but don't worry happiness will come!!_

_Inuvit: The person is twisted, and there are some seriously fucked up people out there. It just happened he was one of em. Don't you worry house gave the guy a lot more than concussion. Yep baby has gone :( have one with house you say…hmmm…you never know what's gonna happen. And yeah lots of emotional turmoil…but it gets better!! Happy happy! Thanks!!_

…_oooo you reviewed twice wow the ultimate compliment. The story hit me one random night…the whole thing. And I just scribbled it down. And here you have it. I new the basics and have just bulked it out! I'm so pleased you think its well thought out…I'm very flatter because I try so hard with my stories!! Thank you so much!!_

_J Lesley: don't you worry the bastard gets what's coming to him. Sorry about me making you sad :( writing it makes me sad too, I'm holding out for the happy ending as well lol…I'll get there in the end!!_

_Metaphoric.Love__: Sorry :(…dunno if this chapter will make your day any better, the ending is good…of sorts._

_tricks-meuler__: sometimes that happens, people who don't deserve it get hurt! I'm pleased it was great it was such a challenge. But don't you worry the happy ending is getting close now :). _

_A __Heiden__: Happier times are on their way :) thanks!!_

_Sinister Scribe__: Cow?? Gasp…I'm offended…that of all the insults you could come up with that was the best one lol! Hehehe in the library –giggles- opps. Poor sinnie. Don't you worry bubs you'll get your justice!!_

_Gabiroba__: Nope no confusin the readers I'm afraid. She lost it yes. But don't you worry happiness is coming very soon!!_

_gidget89__: sorry about the errors I read it through but things evade me….-Shakes fist at world- thank you for the compliment on the plot line…I've worked really hard on it!! _

_prinnie__: angry sad face?? You'll have to show me what that looks like over web cam lol I love your expressions!! Nope baby not making it :( had to get house save her didn't I and get a few smacks in for good measure. Lil miss tease…hehehe…why thank you :P_

_Huggles!!_

_The First Noelle__: lol sorry it took so long to update, this fic takes it out of me its so emotional to write I always need to recover after each chapter!! Woohoo for keeping them in character its one of my main aims, and to get house in character in an emotional fic has always been a challenge. Lol just saying what you think of my fic is helpful :) its nice to know when your doing things right so thank you!!_

_Taboo622__: don't you worry I will finish this fic I've put too much into it to abandon it. Blood sweat and tears lol!_

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**Death do us Part**

Emptiness, it seemed to emanate through her, curling into the centre of her soul. Eyes staring and dead to the world, hands on her tummy straining to feel the heart beat she knew wasn't there.

She'd lost it, the baby. She'd known the moment she'd opened her eyes, her whole body aching muscles screaming as she shifted to look into his eyes, House's. He'd been hovering by her, unable to meet her gaze, no sign of relief flickering across his face when she opened her eyes. He probably felt it would have been kinder if she'd never woken up, never had to hear the news that she'd lost the one thing she'd hoped for; the only thing that had filled her with happiness after the horrors that had happened to her.

She hadn't cried, choosing to stare into space, numb, feeling as though every emotion had died when those words had left his lips.

'_I'm sorry.'_

Her heart had stopped pumping, at least that's how it had felt, nothing within it apart from its basic instinct, forcing blood into her veins tying her to this nightmare, one she desperately wanted to leave, follow in the footsteps of the little life she'd lost.

That had been taken from her, his fist shattering her life apart one more, tearing into her, unwilling to let her wounds heal, unsatisfied with the way in which he'd wrecked her life, he had to murder the one he'd helped create.

She tried to well up some sense of feeling inside her, anything, but nothing came, only a flicker of curiosity. Unknowing what had happened to him, needing to see it for her own eyes. Stare upon the face of her tormentor the one who'd made it his sole aim to destroy her for doing her job.

House had left long ago, unable to draw anything from her, an invisible wall between them; one he was unable to penetrate no matter how hard he tried, whatever means he used. Misery, understanding, anger, he couldn't well anything up from within her, everything having been buried down deep inside, covered in a cloud, bleeding showers over her heart.

She pivoted, sitting up, gritting her teeth against the pain that shot through her, eyes squeezing shut has she held back any noise leaking from her lips. She buckled over, grasping for the pole, dragging her self up right, using it to balance herself.

She had a mission, needing to see the man of her nightmares once more; the figure that had haunted her mind for many months now lying in one of her wards; her nurses helping to keep him alive when his aim had been to steal her life, but he'd taken one that mattered more to her instead.

'Cuddy what are you doing?'

House's voice rang out, her head snapping up, gasping for breath, the little bit of effort already exhausting her.

'You shouldn't be out of bed.'

'Where is he?' Her voice was weak, not having been used for some time, squeaking past the pain that threatened to leak out.

He frowned, blue eyes darkening at her request 'Who?'

'House you're not stupid don't start acting it now.' Her tongue was vicious, uncaring about anything anymore.

'Cuddy I don't…' he was using his understanding voice, he'd only used it once before and she hated it, not needing to hear it now.

'House where is he? Tell me or god helped me I'll do something drastic.' She had a mission, wanting to see the damage House had inflicted, gaining some satisfaction seeing him in pain, physical, his wounds never burning as deep as the ones he'd inflicted but it was something, she'd rip his morphine drip out, gaining some satisfaction, watching him writhe, suffering, calling out for help as knives of pain twisted into his body. It was sick, but he'd driven her beyond her point of control and she had to cling to this last element of emotion, her main focus the one thing keeping her going.

He remained silent staring at her, lips narrow refusing to let anything slip.

'Fine I'll find out for myself.'

She went to walk past him, frame moving slowing wincing with every step. Suddenly his hand snapped out, grabbing hold of her arm tightly. 'I'll take you too him, anything to stop you doing anything stupid, you wouldn't last in prison, woman would be all over that ass.' It was crass, but she needed it right now, some sense of normality. He'd stopped tiptoeing around her; it was what she wanted, needed, for once his rudeness didn't break her but kept helped her keep her control.

'Thank you.'

He slipped her arm into his, avoiding her eyes as he guided her forward, each one supporting the other, neither able to stand on their own.

She kept having to rest, unable to make it more than a short distance at a time, determinedly making her way to face the one man she hoped never to see again, but knowing she had to, needing to heal and knowing this was the only way to begin. House remained silent the whole way, obviously not trusting his tongue knowing whatever left it wouldn't be helpful. He couldn't change the way he was, the words that always left his lips so he said nothing.

Suddenly they stopped, House's eyes finally falling on her, before gazing beyond. She turned, tearing her arm away from him, having to do this alone. She walked up the glass, dragging her feet the final few steps. Her eyes fell upon him, the monitors, unable to believe he had a heart, but in her mind it was just a muscle beating within, unable to feel. The shell of a human, a reflection of what he'd caused her to become.

He had bandages wrapped around his head, evidence of surgery; the strength of House's hit having caused deep damage, cracking the man's skull causing bleeding within, something the surgeons had clearly tried to repair.

This was the man who'd torn her life apart, invaded her body, ripped into her soul and stabbed a knife into a little life, tearing her only chance of happiness from her fingertips.

And yet she felt nothing.

No anger, just emptiness, everything seeping from her once more as she watch this mutant human lie lifeless only a few meters away. She couldn't feel, so numb, nothing, a hole of darkness shooting straight through her, one single void in which nothing could exist.

She hadn't expected him to seem so normal, he'd always seemed so different in her head, something that stood out, made it clear he was evil on the inside, but to her, looking at him now, he was no different to any other man she passed on the street.

She tried, attempted to drag some emotion up, begging to feel, anything. Needing to know there was something left, but he'd stolen it all. Her eyes shut, thinking back, searching for any remnant of sense, anything other than the shadow that seemed to plague her.

Suddenly a noise rang out, her head snapping up, eyes boring into the room before her, people rushing round in slow motion, everything suspended in time as her eyes fell upon his life line, solid and straight, no beat, no life. Nurses huddled around him, paddles falling on his chest, his body jerking as every bolt hammered through him, trying to inject life back into his heart.

She felt something wrench inside her, as she watched shock after shock unable to tear her eyes away.

And suddenly it stopped, everyone pulling back, every ones energy dying down, lips moving to form words she couldn't hear. The only thing she could see was the flat line, still streaking across the screen, spelling out his death.

She crumbled, her legs giving way as the dam burst, everything hitting her all at once, emotion colliding crashing, slamming into the walls of her heart. Suddenly arms were around her, strong and solid, holding her upright, drawing her in as she gasped for breath.

Baby blue eyes bore into her, her own blinded as her anguish broke free, fists curling into his shirt as she buried her face into his chest, finding comfort in the one man she trusted.

And finally she cried; sadness, joy and relief flooding in with the release of every tear.

------------------------SS------------------------

_I hope what happened to him was satisfactory to everyone!!__ I couldn't have it any other way!!! the chapters will get happier from here on out. Let me know what you thought of this one though…now on to the huddyness :D!!!! woooooo huggles xxx_


	14. The Comming of the Dawn

_Hey guys, I'm trying to update as often as I can but my first exam starts in just over a week and I am panicking like no__bodies business. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I am soooo screwed its frightening._

_Along with that I have sinister scribe shacked up with me (crazy Scottish coconut)…so it's all party, party in ma free time. (I seem to have forgotten how to sleep :s) lol_

_Anyway, I have literally just finished this chapter, started it a while back but just hadn't had the time. I'm sorry I can't reply to all your reviews as I'm exhausted and need to return to the work once more._

_Anyone this story is in the happy faze now :). So much fun to come…and of course the smut is on the way._

_Hope you enjoy this one, a few people mentioned to me they didn't' want the monster to have had such an easy death…who said it was…after all, things are not always as they seem._

_Hope you enjoy_

_Huggles_

_Scarlett_

_Ps: This is for Mixy, was meant to be for her birthday but I just never had the time, sorry its taken so long bubs I hope you enjoy it you crazy aussie._

--SS--

The Coming of the Dawn

Her eyes flickered open, breathing calm as she listened to the silence, soft and gentle, only broken by the sound of songbirds slowly singing the world awake. The sunlight was streaming in, warm and golden, dancing in patterns over the floorboards as the clouds raced by over head.

She loved the morning, the brief moment where nothing else existed; her mind was blank of any memories, just content, lying there, safe beneath the covers. Her relief was only short lived, along with the rising sun the memories seeped back in, but every morning they stung a little less.

House was out of the House early every day. He'd joke about how having his boss in his home meant he couldn't play hooky, but she knew it was because he felt awkward. However his affection and care came through in subtle ways. Her eyes fell upon the papers and forms from work, an untidy pile placed there every morning before she woke.

The hospital hadn't allowed her to stay, forcing her to take a recovery period. She hadn't wanted it, desperately wanting to remain, burying her mind and memory beneath piles of paper. The board had voted against her, claiming that she should take the time off and relax, the real reason was very clear. To them she was a liability. Her mind so fractured by thoughts and feelings, emotions in turmoil she couldn't' be trusted to perform to her best ability as a doctor and a boss.

If she was honest, if any of her doctors had gone through the experience she had she would have enforced the same decision, however now she had a little more sympathy and understanding for their desire to work. Remorse, suffering, negative emotions were the only time when people wanted work rather than resented it, ironic it was the only time people wouldn't let them.

She remembered House's reaction when he'd found her in her office. She hadn't even been released from the hospital and she'd already snuck her way down. She knew her timetable, knowing when her office would be empty of Wilson who was standing in, in her absence. She'd been going crazy trapped in her room, desperately wishing to have something to relieve her mind from the mantra of memories and thoughts that kept flowing through it.

She had seen him leave and darted in, trying to remain unnoticed and failing. The nurse staff had alerted the doctors within seconds. When he'd entered her office A flicker of relief had fallen across his face quickly replaced by worry before closing in on himself completely, only his eyes giving away his fear at finding her crumpled on the floor by her desk tears silently streaming down her face as she took in the little blood stain on the carpet; the only remaining evidence that she'd ever held a child. He'd gathered her up, drying her tears as gently as he could, dragging a calloused thumb across each cheek, before taking her back to her room, frightening anyone who stopped to stare. For once his anger was directed at other people, and on her behalf. His arms were the only place she felt safe, the way he held her, his heart beat thrumming through her body, a sign that she was still alive and that life went on.

When she'd been released she hadn't even had to ask him, he'd just brought her to his and settled her in, her stuff already in his room. She hadn't had the energy to ask how it had got there from her home.

Now she laid here a few weeks down the line. A routine struck between them where Wilson would deliver half the work load to House and it would be left on her bedside table ready for when she woke often accompanied by a note mentioning another lawsuit and how it wasn't his fault.

She rested back against her pillow, sinking into it; eyes staring at the ceiling remembering the aftermath of the devils death. There had been a brief enquiry; the police doing their duty to uncover what had happened, justice for the wicked, an inquest over the loss of a life that was never deserved. She'd given her statement, reliving the nightmare, clinging onto House who refused to leave even at the policeman's request. It was weird that a man who was so unstable in himself was the only thing that was holding her up during that week. The one constant, supporting her, not overly emotional or caring, living life like it always had been just with a softened edge.

House's attack on the man had been deemed self defence, the man having wielded a knife which was a much greater weapon than either House or Cuddy had in their defence. His death was a mystery in itself. On his death certificate it was detailed that the man had died of a brain haemorrhage, the blow to his brain doing excessive internal damage the surgeons were unable to fix; a combination of House's upper strength and his anger and fear meaning he hadn't held back when he'd hit her attacker, the only time she'd ever been thankful for the pain of another person. The only unanswered question was the heart rate on the man's chart. His blood pressure had risen then fallen dramatically minutes before his death. The police assumed it was to do with the man's body experiencing pain even though his mind was unengaged, drugs keeping him unconscious. Cuddy however felt there was another answer.

…………………………

House leant back, eyes tight shut, blocking out the turmoil of the day. He'd never wanted to be here, especially while knowing she was in his home, alone. A case had come up, demanding his attention, demanding he been everyday, her refusing to have him at home. Once a boss always a boss, she couldn't switch off, or relax knowing he was needed elsewhere, needed to save someone's life.

He'd felt thankful for the work load at first, needing something to occupy his mind fill it with thoughts and puzzles of patients not leaving room for anything else.

He was tired, the day almost over, his mind mulling over the last few days, the enquiry, the questions…so many questions. He hadn't been his usual self, choosing to get it over with quickly, end this ordeal finally and get them out before anyone thought he was lying.

Because he had been.

The guy had died, that was for certain, but he'd been the last one to see him alive. A moments anger, forcing him forward, wanting to face the one who'd caused all the pain, and who'd shattered Cuddy into pieces, the ones that had caused him so much pain to see before he'd begun to pick them up.

It had been silent; the slow beep of the monitor, constant, the only sign that the monster was still tied to their world, one which he wasn't welcome in.

House had woken him, wanting to watch him suffer, knowing he'd been in agony only having just come out of surgery. He'd switched off his morphine for only a moment; hovering over him, watching him squirm as his eyes flickered open. He'd gasped for air as the pain sunk in, body tossing and turning in agony, trapped in a damaged body unable to escape. The walls were sound proof, no one aware of his screams apart from House, a cold observer of his suffering. Knowing the man could never suffer enough for what he'd done.

He'd stayed there, watching, waiting, numb, empty of all emotion, before hobbling up to the mans side, fingers fumbling with the morphine drip, increasing the number one by one, watching as the man slowly slipped away, unconscious, death crawling up on him unknown to no one else but House.

He'd slipped away to go and find Cuddy, everything seeming normal within the ward, the patient still alive and well, even when the nurse had came to inspect only moments after his departure.

It had been when he'd returned with Cuddy that the morphine had finally kicked in, allowing them to view the monsters final moments together. There was no way House could risk her rapist returning to the world so he'd removed him for good.

The death was signed off as a brain haemorrhage, the surgery already highlighting this as a possible risk and hence assuming that was what had been the cause of death, no autopsy, no nothing, body now six feet under, the nightmare having ended many days ago.

It was done, the police had ended there enquires, lawful killing, at least for once justice was on his side.

He breathed in deep, a sigh, releasing all the stress of the past many months, emotional and physical, his form fully drained.

His Fingers grasped his cane as he stumbled to his feet, slinging his back pack up onto his shoulder before wandering from his office, very happy to be heading home, because for once in a very long while there was someone to head home to.

…………………………

She heard the rumble of his bike, the noise making her jump if only for a second, her nerves still on edge as they always would be, even though the ordeal was over, an experience leaves untraceable scars and this one ran ever so deep.

But she had her life back; it was all over, no need to be looking over her shoulder waiting for him to strike, knowing he wouldn't have given up till he'd destroyed her, leaving her with nothing, living her life in fear, until he'd finally emptied her of her last breath. She was sure that was his aim, wanting to make her suffer, so overly obsessed wanting to inflict his own pain onto someone else…seeing her as the ultimate target.

But it was over, ended, she was safe.

She snuggled back down on the sofa, content for the first time in ages, eyes returning to the program she'd been watching, well half watching, her mind always wondering, returning to the single question and deciding she had to know the answer.

And she'd find out tonight.

She'd been there, watching him when the police had first arrived, it had been subtle, something only someone who knew House well would notice, seemingly nothing to the untrained eye.

He'd been polite, the bite had still been there, but it was restrained, he'd held back, so subtly no one else would have even noticed, maybe not even Wilson. But she had, her eyes had fallen to his fingers, flexing on his cane, reflecting his restraint.

When the police had left she'd wanted to question him then, but hadn't had the energy to, and hadn't really seen him much since, work occupying his time, and time serving to blur her memory making her question herself and whether she'd really sensed his anxiety correctly.

Her head snapped up when she heard the door open, eyes watching as he wandered in, tossing his stuff aside before slumping down onto the sofa, his body crushing her feet beneath him.

She wriggled them out, him making no effort to move, frowning at him even though she knew he wouldn't notice with his eyes closed. She slid her feet into his lap, watching as his eyes snapped open, quickly coming to rest on her.

'How was your day honey?' she smiled at him, mocking the domesticity between them.

'Stressful, there's this administrator who's slacking off leaving all us hard working doctors to take the slack.'

She frowned, 'Wilson's in charge.'

'That's what makes it so stressful; he knows all my hide outs.'

She laughed, 'I shall have to ask him for the list some day.'

'He'd never tell, bro's before ho's…..and besides, if he snitches I'll just tell you about the time he got with his patient.'

She felt her expression froze, not knowing whether to take him seriously 'Wilson got with a patient.'

'Oh my god really?...if you knew that how could you put him in charge?'

'House!' she sighed, head falling back against the arm of the settee.

'What about me?'

'Oh you aggravating…' she ended mid sentence choosing to move, settling her feet on the floor before rising to stumble into the kitchen.

'What's for dinner?'

'I don't know as your cooking.'

'Soup it is then'

'As always,'

'It's my specialty'

'It comes in a can.'

'And I m very skilled at opening them.'

She shook her head, watching him walk towards her, his skin brushing against her as he entered the kitchen, bustling around, her eyes on him the whole time until the soup was warmed and ready.

They settled down at the table, a routine which House hadn't been accustomed to before she arrived; his own preference being slouching in front of the TV.

Conversation flowed freely for a few moments, before a brief silence sprung up between them, each digging in, allowing a chance for her question to bubble back to the forefront of her mind once more.

She had to know.

'House?'

'hmm'

His eyes weren't on her.

'Why were you so awkward with the police the other day?' She saw him halt for a second, spoon hovering before it descended beneath the surface of the soup once more.

'Was worried the cop was coming on to me.'

'It was a guy.'

'Then you can understand my concern.'

'House…for once will you be honest.'

'About what?'

'What really happened?'

'When?'

'with…with…the day he died.' She still couldn't bring herself to give the man in her mind an identity beyond him being a monster.

'What about the day he died?'

He still wasn't looking at her, ladling his soup slowly, attention on it as though he found it fascinating.

'It wasn't from a brain haemorrhage was it? It was you.'

………………………….

The words he had hoped he'd never have to admit to, especially to her, choosing to ignore the fact it ever happened, accepting the end, relishing in the fact it was all over and ignoring his hand in it. The man had vowed to get her, he couldn't have let it happen, he had to protect her, the emotions over what he had done were still unsettled and raw, but just like the men in the army, they killed to defend their country, he killed to defend something that meant more to him than the world all over. Something he'd finally admitted to himself, not that he would ever admit it to anyone else. She was his secret, his weakness, one that made him act based on his heart and not his head.

He had to tell her, anyone else…well anyone else would never have noticed, would never have known.

He let his soup fall from his spoon, watching it splash back into the bowl before bring his eyes up to meet hers giving on simple, very affirmative answer.

'Yes.'

Her expression showed nothing, eyes not even flickering from his face. His muscles were tense waiting for her reaction not knowing what was going to happen.

He had expected a barrage of questions, anything other than this silence.

Suddenly, and much to his surprise a small smile broke out, her voice slicing through the silence like a warm breeze on an icy day, heating his heart as she voiced words which he never dreamed she'd say.

'Thank you.'

--SS--

_Please leave a review peeps, something good needs to be going on about now….cos I hate revisin__g…uni is not funny!!_


	15. Twinkle Little Star

_Ok this is the next chapter…sorry its taken so long…my life has been a little bit crazy lately what with living in London and stuff. And I kinda lost my drive lately….but I'm trying to get it back. Hopefully this is ok…it came out in a bit of a whirlwind having been in my mind for a very long time._

_Everything is pretty much happy from here there's only a few chapters left…but still a few surprises to come :)._

_Thank you for people who have patiently waited for this…I will complete it I promise._

_Please review and let me know what you think!!_

_Huggles and cupcakes_

_Scarlett xxx_

--SS--

**Twinkle Little Star**

They were sat on the sofa, her feet curled underneath her as she watched him, eyes grazing over his profile, his body stiff, uncomfortable after his admission. He obviously didn't know how to behave and was following his usual pattern and blanking everything in favour of the TV.

She glanced over at the screen, pretending to be relaxed, all the while hovering beside him, unsure of what to do. His arm was lounged over the back of the sofa, open and welcoming, and all she really wanted right now was to be engulfed in his warmth. For once she took what she wanted, sliding slowly over the leather, her body curling into his side; head coming to rest against his chest, his heart beat echoing into her left ear. A few minutes passed before she felt him relax, and the weight of his arm as it curled round her shoulders, pulling her tightly against him.

A smile flickered over her face, feeling safe and content, wanting to be nowhere else but here…with him. The thought tugged at her heart, her eyes glazing over as she focused on her feelings. The past few months flickering before her eyes, the turmoil of emotions she'd endured and the constant figure of House standing b her side every step of the way. He'd been her rock, holding her up and asking for nothing in return. She wouldn't have made it without him, his patience as he pieced her back together bit by bit. She reflected on her tears and how he'd been the one to dry them, the little bubbles of laughter that burst forth within her memories every now and then, the happiness he'd caused when she thought it'd been long gone.

She sighed, content, her eyes slipping shut, his breathing slowly lulling her to sleep, for the first time, a small smile gracing her face as she drifted into her dreams.

...

A gentle pressure awoke her, fingertips grazing over her scalp as they absently dragged through her hair, the tangles parting smoothly before them. She groaned, burrowing deeper, not wishing to leave her dreams just yet, content to remain within his safe embrace for as long as she could. A gentle prod to her ribs shattered this thought.

'I am not a pillow.'

She grumbled, the sound muffled by his shirt, sleep still clinging to her, rendering speech impossible.

His fingers tickled against her, her body squirming away from the sensation, head whipping up to glare at him. He was grinning, the warmth emanating from his eyes. His fingers went to tickle her again and she squealed, darting away from him.

He smiled smugly, reaching forward, 'Now I can reach the remote.'

She huffed, brushing the curls out of her eyes, 'I can't believe you woke me for that.'

His eyebrow rose, 'can't you?'

She went to slap his arm, too tired to talk, but his hand snapped out, fingers wrapping round her wrist.

Her eyes flicked to his fingers before darting back to his face. She couldn't ignore the warm sensation that had just frizzled up her arm and for once she didn't want to. He was staring at her, his eyes startlingly bright. Her tongue snuck out unconsciously brushing over her lips.

The fingers at her wrist tugged, her body jolting forward to collapse on his chest again.

'I've got the remote now.'

Her palm pressed against his stomach, supporting herself as she went to stare up at him, frowning at the force with which he'd handled her, while fighting the sensation thrumming through her at his proximity.

As her head snapped up, she reared; he was a lot closer than she'd anticipated. A gasp fell from her lips, his eyes burning into hers before darting down. She halted for a second, teeth sinking into her bottom lip, fleetingly making her decision before she rose, her lips meeting his, hand coming up to curl round his neck as she pulled him down to her.

Her body shook from the sensation of a simple kiss. Having been starved of human contact for so long, afraid to let anyone in, or allow herself to relax. Her body was on fire, flames licking at her skin as his fingers curled over her hip, brushing against her bare skin. She was hungry, her tongue delving between his lips, gliding up against his, consuming.

She couldn't get close enough, breasts crushed against his chest, nipples hard and sensitive the rough sensations making her gasp as she ground herself against him.

She moaned as he pulled back, his hair ruffled, gazing down at her, eyes glazed with desire, want.

'Are you…you sure?'

Her sharp nod was all he needed before he dragged her onto his lap. Her thighs either side of his hips, his hands running over them, eyes tight shut as he kissed her. Her hands clasped his face, lips stinging from the stumble as they glided against his. She felt his fingers tangle in her shirt, patiently slipping each button from its hole; a contrast to her frenzied passion, holding back, not wishing to spook her.

He pulled her tight against him, twisting, his weight pressing her down into the sofa, nestled between her thighs, his arousal pressed firmly against her, making her moan. Her bra clasped at the front, his fingers flicking it open, baring her breast before his eyes. His hand came up, cupping one in his palm, dragging his thumb over the rosy nipple, making her back arch as she gasped from the sensation, the sound becoming a moan as his mouth descended, the roughness of his tongue grazing the tip, before he sucked it, twirling the bud between his lips. Her fingers delved into his hair, holding him in place, eyes tight shut as she arched against the sensation, pleas resting on her lips, mind fogging over focusing on nothing but the sensation of his mouth on her, wet and warm.

His other hand massaged her left breast, caressing, dancing his fingertips over the taught nipple, rolling it between them.

She wanted more, the heat between her legs overwhelming. Her clothing too rough against her sensitive skin, wanting nothing more than to feel his bare body sliding against her own. She slid her hands down, twisting her fingers into his shirt, ripping it, the buttons flying through the air scattering over the floor boards. His stomach brushed against her own, their heat mingling. Her fingers then fumbled in the waist band of his jeans, desperate, clumsy with arousal. The button finally parted only to have him pull away, his hands now resting either side of her head, body starved of air.

'Not here.'

…………………………………

It took all his effort to halt what was happening. But he wouldn't take her here. He'd torn himself away from her. Forcing back a groan as his eyes took in her bare body, breast glistening from his saliva, nipples wrinkled from arousal, eyes dark, seducing and desperate. She wanted him…now.

He rolled off her, groaning, cock straining painfully against his jeans. He wrapped his hand round her wrist, dragging her to her feet, pulling her along behind him, stumbling into his bedroom, before flinging her onto his bed. He was trying to take it slow. But he hadn't had it in too long, and he'd wanted this for so many months, holding back, hiding his desire not wishing to scare her in anyway, and now here she was, her eyes begging for him to take her.

She shimming up the bed, eyes wide, wanting. His fingers slid up her legs slowly, asking permission every step of the way; watching her face for any sign of uncertainty. He slid her bottoms down, taking her underwear with them.

He sensed her tension, muscles twitching drawing her legs together, consciously feeling shy about herself.

'Relax,' he gently slipped his hands between her legs, a little pressure making her part them, prising her open before his eyes. His gaze not leaving her face, silently asking her to trust him. Her head fell back against the pillow, thighs falling open in surrender.

She was glistening, wet, ready. He dragged his fingers through her moisture, her lips parting, listening to the hiss as he stroked a digit over her clit. Her hips bucked, mashing herself against his hand. Body so tightly wound, desperate for release. She watched him, eyes widening as he brought his fingers to his lips, tongue flicking out lapping her juices before leaning over, hands wrapping round her hips, pulling her legs wide open as his mouth descended, dragging her clit between his lips relishing in her squeal of pleasure. His tongue darted out, lapping at her, dragging it from top to bottom before delving inside, her hips bucking up against him mouth, as she moaned and groaned. He pulled back, slipping a finger inside, bending it towards her navel massaging it against her walls, before slipping a second digit alongside it, plunging them in and out slowly, smoothly gliding into her pussy, her body contracting around him. His eyes flicked between his fingers and her face, her arm thrown over her eyes, body writhing, mouth open in a silent scream. He increased the pace, bring his palm up to grind against her clit. It was her undoing, the slight pressure and she buckled, her muscles clamping down around him, body tensing, back bending in pleasure as she cried out, before falling limp against the mattress.

………

Her body hummed, the spasms of sensation still shooting through her. She let her arm fall away, staring down at the man now poised between her thighs, her secretions smeared over his lips; pleasure radiating from his eyes. She forced herself to sit up, her fingers slipping into his jeans once more, forcing them down his hips, pulling his body forward as she tugged the rest of his clothing from him.

She then returned to the bed, lying on her back, spreading her legs wide as she pulled him forward to nestle between her hips. His erection pressed against her opening, her pussy clamping down, wanting him inside her.

He gazed down at her, ready, but not moving. She looked up at him, drowning in the intensity of his eyes, and with a brief nod and gentle tug against his hips he slid into her.

She moaned, her eyes slipping shut head falling back as she lost herself in the sensation of being filled. She never thought she'd gain enjoyment from this act again but here she was, open and willing, feeling pleasure like never before.

He began to move, speed building slowly. She was ok at first, relaxed, relishing in nothing but the sensation of having him inside.

But it didn't last,

She felt the memories flood her mind, the last time this had happened, the thought sending ice chilling through her veins. The last one who did this, hadn't cared, didn't listen. Suddenly her hand flew out, slamming against House's shoulder, forceful, her voice ringing out, 'STOP!'.

He froze, halting immediately. He went to pull himself from her, but she tensed holding him in. His brow furrowed in confusion, her eyes wide, wild. 'Cuddy?'

'I just…' she looked away from him, ashamed, 'I just wanted to make sure you'd stop if I told you to…that you'd listen.'

She didn't understand what was happening her heart wanted this…wanted him. and yet she felt frightened, couldn't force the fear away. of losing control, surrendering to anyone completely.

She almost flinched when she felt his hand caress the soft skin of her cheek, brushing away the tear that had leaked from her eyes. The pressure from his hand forced her to look at him. He didn't say anything, just leant forward slowly, brushing his lips over hers.

She kissed him back, wanting the contact, mind in turmoil, confused, she wanted this, she wanted him. He listened to her, respected her, she could trust him. She almost cried in shock when he rolled, flipping them, him now lying beneath her handing her control.

She stopped kissing him, sitting back on his hips, his shaft still buried deep within her. He watched her as she nervously rose up before plunging herself down on him, teeth sinking into her lip loving the sensation. She could do this, this position was all on her terms. Gradually her confidence built up, resting her hands on his chest, riding him, there hips crashing together as he thrust up to meet her.

……………………….

His body shimmered with sweat, licking his lips as he watched her take what she wanted, finally enjoying fucking him, relaxed, passionate, free. He slipped his hand between her legs focusing on her pleasure, drawing her towards climax, sitting up to draw her breast into his mouth his thumb grinding against her clit; his lips abandoning her breast to cover her body in kisses, breathless gasps dancing over her skin.

He bucked, forcing himself deep, her wet and warm channel massaging him, pulsing against his shaft.

With a final thrust she came, bringing him with her as her body spasmed round his cock, finally letting go, relishing in her orgasm. It was the most beautiful thing he'd seen, her body glowing, feeling nothing but pleasure. He groaned, her body milking his cock dry, cumming hard at the sight of her.

She collapsed, body falling beside him, leg still resting over his. Her breathing slowed, eyes tight shut. He wrestled the covers out from beneath them, slipping his hand over her waist as they snuggled beneath them. Her breathing slowed, warm, panting against his neck.

He sighed, the pain in his leg for once not present. And with a smile of contentment, he allowed exhaustion to claim him.

--SS--

_Don't forget to review peeps….I have a cupcake just for ya if ya do :)._


	16. Written in The Stars

_**Hey guys sorry you had to wait so long for an update. I wanted to dip my toe into another forum to get my muse back in gear and have now decided to finish my fics before posting them because i feel aweful for leaving people hanging for so long. So yeah i have typed up the final chapters of falling star :D there will be one up everyday now until its complete there is 5 chapters left!!. Crickey this fic has been going on for over 2 years now i think...and its finally comming to an end. What a journey...and thank you to everyone who has stuck with it. dances in celebration i can't believe i've finally typed it all...and it has been written exactly how i planned those many years ago lol. **_

_**Hope you enjoy it, I have read through it but there still might be mistakes so I apologise. I have work all week this week but next weekend i will try and type the finish to walk on the wild side...yep thats ma next target lol!! grins I is so happy. **_

_**House series 5 is comming on in just over a week!! OMG YAY hehehe hopefully there will be huddy this time!! there better be at least...otherwise looks threatening lol.**_

_**here we go peeps,**_

_**hugs and cupcakes**_

_**Scarlett xxx**_

**_--SS--_**

**Written in The Stars**

Several weeks had passed, the relationship between them developing slowly. She'd returned to work only a few days ago, unable to stay away for long. The office had been altered completely, along with the security budget being increased, they were even negotiating the idea of introducing panic buttons within the offices of staff, one accident was enough. It had alerted the fact that many Doctors within the hospital were vulnerable and people became disgruntled or distraught on a daily basis. Many of the Doctors could easily become someone's focus, they didn't want the staff to fear their lives for just doing their jobs, it wasn't good press that you were more likely to get injured within the walls than out of them. She gazed around her office, any evidence of everything that had passed within the walls now just a fading image within her memory. Her heart was being patched together, and with it came the determination to return to normal, step straight back into her life with her head held high. She'd been forceful, unwilling to remain at home a minute longer, tackling the board the first moment she had the opportunity to. Her head had been clear, arguments well thought out and practiced on House and his scathing reviews.

He was still as harsh as ever, his opinion always honest overly so, but it was tinted with something she'd never noticed before, a lilt of softness, eyes watching her reaction to ensure he didn't cut her too deeply. He would never change, and she would never want him to. His sarcasm and wit was one of the reason's she'd felt so drawn to him, a constant within everything else, something unchanging and unwilling to be changed, human, harsh, but still with the ability to love. And she'd needed that, someone who didn't smother her, gave her what she needed, when she needed it, the ability to support, without using a load of empty words and displays of affection. He'd been House the whole way through, awkward and prickly, telling her things when she needed to hear them, honesty.

And she wouldn't be where she was now if it hadn't been for him.

She hadn't returned to her own home, relishing in the feeling of having someone beside her; feeling safe as she closed her eyes, waking to his arms wrapped round her breath brushing up against her ear. She hadn't had that feeling for so long, and months ago she thought she would never be able to appreciate it again but House had changed all that.

The papers flickered in her fingers, rummaging through everything she had to sign, smiling as his name darted by a number of times. Still insulting as many people as ever, but as long as they lived, the hospital always had a case, and House's death toll was next to non. The man had healing hands. She snorted, the image of angel House floating into her head, white wings n gown, sandals on the end of his skinny legs, halo posed at an angle sneer still smeared firmly across his face. She smiled, the image new and amusing to her, before everything he'd always been a devil in her mind, the little horns and tail, poking her with a fork, setting her temper on fire. Her opinion had mellowed. Although he was still the same, he let her see another side, and she'd fallen in love with him for it.

She couldn't deny it.

She hadn't said those three little words yet, expressing everything with her eyes gazing up at him as he made loved to her. He was so gentle, helping her to build up her confidence but desiring her all the same. He'd willingly seduce her, crashing on the sofa after a long days work, tickling the tips of his fingers over her neck before kissing her skin, trailing his lips over her jaw bone, hovering at the corner of her mouth waiting for her to turn and accept him.

She always did, she could never imagine turning him away, for once feeling whole, she hadn't even felt that way before it all happened. She could reflect upon it now, a momentary nightmare she'd lived within, but it had brought her and House together. The memory would always sting, the wound a little scar upon her heart, but it had given her the biggest gift it possibly good. Everything happened for a reason, she could objectify it, the time in her life where she had to be destroyed so she'd give House a chance to step in and build her back up; she'd never have let him in otherwise, the thought itself made her sick. She couldn't imagine being without him, regardless of everything, his moods, his addictions, she wouldn't want to be with anyone else. It scared her, she had no idea how House felt, never giving anything away, she always felt she could read something within his eyes, but the emotion always vanished before she had a chance to see it for what it was.

She knew House would admit everything to her when he was ready, but she didn't know if he ever would be, House was House, as unpredictable as ever.

She sat back; tossing her pen on the desk, hand subconsciously grazing over her stomach, the habit being instinctual only a few weeks ago felt awkward knowing there was nothing there anymore. It was calming though, the gentle caress trying to still her stomach which was twisting, making her feel sick. She'd been feeling worse as the weeks went on. Stomach turning over while she tried to begin a day's work, but she'd ignored it, knowing it would be a bug. The staff were inoculated against most diseases, but the simplest of illnesses still slipped under their radar. Some infections you just couldn't fight against. It was the last thing she needed, a developing illness while she was attempting to prove to the board she wasn't a liability that she could do her job as good as ever if not better, no longer distracted by everything that had happened.

Her eyes scanned over her diary, the future appointments creeping up on her. Having been away so long everyone had clamoured for her time the moment she returned. Not immediately though, everyone choosing to tiptoe around her, approach with caution. But after the first person had requested a meeting over some situation all the others followed suit and her diary was soon full.

But she had a free day, one meeting set aside just for her. The clinic had asked her to return, an overall check up. She had mentioned her stomach upset to her friend who worked there, an off hand comment but the doctor still wanted to check her over and who was Cuddy to complain. After everything that had happened she wasn't going to take any risks.

She sighed, rising from behind her desk, tossing her diary on top of the pile of papers, stepping forward working her way out into the clinic, darting past the nurses as she made her way, to another meeting, everyone parted in front of her, heads turning, alert for the boss, a whirlwind of power within the walls. A smile flickered on to her face.

It was good to be back.

……………

House stood in Cuddy's office; he'd finished for the day. His patient having exited the building a few hours ago, thanks falling from their lips, gratitude that fell on deaf ears. He didn't care, the puzzle was over and that was what he was interested in. Her secretary had left moments ago, House hovering just out of sight until the man abandoned his post. The moment they left House hurried by, slipping though the offices doors to wait for her return. He didn't much mind people seeing him enter, it wasn't suspicious behaviour…well it was, House was always up to something as the staff well knew, but suspicious behaviour was expected of him. So suspicious became normal. Weird logic, but it worked for him.

He rested his hip on her desk, light low as he waited. The sky was dark outside the sun having set, the final streaks slowly dissolving, consumed by the night sky. His cane twirled between his fingers, the movement hypnotising, passing the time, rolling through his fingers.

Suddenly it snagged, the edge catching the pile of papers, an avalanche crashing to the ground. He glared down at it, pausing hoping Cuddy would walk through the doors so he wouldn't have to stoop down to retrieve them. She didn't. With a sigh of frustration he dove down, gathering them within his hand, tossing them haphazardly on the desk. His hand hit something hard, a book of some sort. He dragged it up, the diary splayed open on the floor. Flipping it in his had he saw all different appointments scribbled over the page. Hid eyes zeroed in on one, standing alone the only day were only one thing was written rather than a list of appointments squashed into the tiny boxes.

His heart turned cold, eyes flickering over the words, an appointment at the fertility clinic. She hadn't mentioned anything to him, not a word about returning or any of her future plans involving children. The subject hadn't come up, having lost her baby only two months ago. It would have been pouring salt into an open wound, so the topic had never been breached. But obviously it had been on her mind, and she hadn't spoken to him. It wouldn't have worried him before, but he hated being left out of the loop. He would never admit it but he'd come accustomed to waking with her in his arms, a warm body beside his.

He was confused, why would she return? There was only one reason to go wasn't there? And that was to begin the IVF process again. Maybe she was considering it, maybe she'd already decided.

He scanned the appointment. His mind fruitlessly throwing up other possibilities, but he dismissed them as fast at they'd arrived, mind only able to settle on one idea. She was going to try again, was considering going down the IVF route once more, without even bringing him into the equation. Secrecy. He was wounded, feeling a slight stab, once only she could inflict. She'd burrowed her way under his walls, he was open and vulnerable.

He always knew she wanted a child, even before he'd entered a relationship with her. He'd considered it, he'd had to. But if he was honest to himself the thought had entered into his mind even while she was carrying someone else's, heart feeling a stab of jealousy every time he saw a flicker of joy flutter over her face knowing he wasn't the cause, and couldn't share it with her. In the evenings he'd sit there, glass rolling between his fingers, eyes staring out into space as he pondered, his mind working over, images flicking in and out. No matter how much he'd convinced himself he wouldn't want any off spring. Money eating machines, that absorbed everything, he couldn't get the little dark haired child with bright blue eyes out his head; A foreign emotion snaking its way through his chest every time he thought about it. He now recognised it for what it was…longing. He wanted that, but she didn't.

Based on this evidence he'd come to a single conclusion.

She wanted a baby, but she didn't want his.

--SS--

**_Uh oh's House has got his wires crossed...whats gonna happen now :s!! hehehe. Please leave a review peeps...work is depressin...i need some smiles :)!! SS xxx_**


	17. An Unexpected Surprise

**Sorry guys meant to post this last night but got home from work but just crashed! so here we go :). Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter, I would normally write responses but i have to get ready for work and was determined to post this before i went because i promised it last night. **

**Gods I wish I didn't feel so rough! i'm exhausted and feel sick...but i need the money sigh :(.**

**Hope its written ok, i've read over it in a rush. Hope its in character too, this bit was quite complicated to write. House normally doesn't miss a thing so I tried to make it belivable that he would in this instance n like other little bits too.**

**be nice i need some love today. I should have the next chap up tonight!**

**Hugs**

**Scarlett xx**

**p.s I will update walk on the wild side next...but i am also planning the rest of my other fics i think it will be flight of fantasy n then destination of dreams in that order.**

--SS--

**An Unexpected Surprise**

'You're kidding me?' Those were the first few words she'd spoken since being told half an hour ago, whispered on a single breath, voice long died within her throat. She'd come to her appointment a week ago, the doctor running routine tests, just to ensure everything was ok, taking blood samples and sending them off to the lab. Cuddy had been in no hurry, willingly waiting a week for her results, knowing they'd find nothing.

She'd been wrong.

She sat there, stunned, mouth working, not quite comprehending what she was hearing and how she should feel. She stumbled off the bed, gathering her bag up in her fingers, feeling numb. It was like walking through water, the haze of shock descending over her, body going through the motions as she made her way out into the foyer. She signed all the relevant documentation, turning to say goodbye to her friend, the woman's words washing over her, nothing but a hum in her ears.

With a small smile she wandered out into the car park, trying to absorb the news. Settling into the driver's seat her mind snapped into overdrive, stomach twisting, she didn't know how to feel, worried, nervous, joyful.

It was a mess, not knowing how to react, so much confusion.

But the biggest problem was how was she going to tell House, and worse…how was he going to react? Putting the car into gear, she drove back to PPTH thankful for the time to think.

………………..

The ball rolled between his fingers, eyes gazing into space. His mind was burning, thinking the same thought over and over. She hadn't told him. She'd visited them over a week ago and hadn't mentioned it to him at all. Did she want to keep it a secret, not let him know her plans? He was angry, stewing in his office, no patient to distract his mind. Fury was better than the hurt. He didn't understand; why would she go through it all again? It didn't make sense. Something must be going on, but he had no idea what. She'd seemed normal, nothing triggering his suspicion. Cuddy wasn't good at hiding things. Her body language always gave her away, and with the increased intimacy between them she would have found it impossible to lie to him. So what was going on, or had he completely miss read her. Maybe she could lie to him when the time required it, or maybe he was just blind to the signs now, his emotions baffling his mind. He didn't do feelings, fearful of getting attached to people, and Cuddy had consumed him before he'd had time to build a suitable defence.

He was confused, and it was this that angered him more than anything, he hated not knowing. There was something going on in her life, something that he wasn't aware of and had no way of finding out. He couldn't trick the answer out of her; it wasn't something underhand tactics could reveal. He knew all he could from watching and spying, his ability to be observant had failed to provide him with the answer.

He hated failure.

……………

She was smiling, the elation having set in, tainted with nerves. She'd sat down within her office a few moments ago, mulling it over, calming her nerves. The last time this had happened, her emotions had been trampled, but then her baby had been ripped from her by anothers hands. Her hand had reflexivly fell over her stomach at this thought, protective. This time was different she'd decided. So she'd wandered from her office, making her way up to his floor, a bubble of joy growing inside her. She couldn't be happier but she hoped House would feel the same. She had to tell him, needed to face up to facts as soon as possible. Her heels clicked against the tiles, heart hammering in time as she approached his office. She saw him, eyes out of focus, thinking, frown lines emanating over his forehead.

With a sigh she pushed the door open, snapping him out of his thoughts, head wrenching round to her, ice blue eyes piercing into her, as thought trying to burn into her soul. The look un-nerved her, his eyes seeming so harsh, tinted with anger and confusion. The aftermath of his pondering, but it still make her shiver. She didn't like being on the end of that look, the one that wanted to see all her secrets, it was something she could never hide from, he'd already know she was nervous. Her news had to come out and fast.

She swallowed; mouth moving trying to form the words, stalling twice before breathing in a brave breath steeling herself.

'I'm pregnant.'

……………….

House heart hurt, the pain of the words sinking in. She'd gone through with it, hadn't told him until she'd succeeded. He couldn't think straight the words washing over him, his thoughts so focused on the clinic appointment, her being pregnant by someone else seemed to be the obvious assumption.

He kept his expression blank, uninterested.

'Congratulations.'

Her face flinched, brow marred in confusion.

'You succeeded in fulfilling your dream.'

Her lip trembled, all previous joy draining from her expression. 'Is that all you have to say?'

'Well you'll have to excuse me if I don't jump for joy. Bum leg remember.' It was scathing, as cutting as he could make it, inflicting the pain he felt back onto her. Why couldn't she have come to him, he finally would have given something she'd asked for, and yet she had chosen to turn to a complete stranger. It wasn't his and he knew it, they'd used protection every time. His heart wrenched in regret. He wanted this, craved it, something he'd avoided for so long he suddenly wanted and was being denied. Sods law and it always applied to him.

'House?'

He glared up at her. He couldn't stay, mind going crazy, emotions bubbling over at once. He'd never lost control, always remaining cool in the face of most things, his emotions under his thumb. Not this time, she could always push him over the edge, rip his feelings from him. He always desired her, wanted her, she made him feel joy, anger, passion and now here she was making him feel pain. He couldn't look at this woman without his heart twisting, unaccustomed to this level of agony. It was harsher than anything his leg could ever inflict upon him, seeping deep within his chest like poison. Lurching forward he stormed by her, out the door, not a single word falling from his lips as he barrelled down the hallway.

…………

The wind whipped at his hair, whirling around him as he stared over the grounds trying to clear his head, accept what had happened and trying to structure where to go from here.

The creek of the door snapped him out of his thoughts. Head turning, eyeing Wilson as the doctor walked up to him.

'What are you doing up here, your team have been looking everywhere for you.'

House shrugged turning his attention back to the sky; ignoring Wilson as the doctor settled beside him, elbows resting against the wall, silent. House held his breath waiting for the inevitable interrogation.

'What's going on?'

House knew he probably shouldn't say anything, but he couldn't help it, needing to get it out in the open, have someone to put his thoughts through unable to keep them contained in his head. He didn't usually want to talk but Wilson's words for once would be welcome, a background noise distracting him from everything.

'Cuddy's pregnant.'

Wilson's shock was obvious, face tightening as his eyebrows shot up in surprise. 'Really? How?

House didn't dignify that with an answer, glaring at him, sneering, threatening to give him a sarcastic answer but not really willing to put in the effort knowing his expression was obvious enough.

Wilson rolled his eyes, 'By Who?'

'Don't know who, unknown donor.'

Wilson's head tilted, curious. 'She started IVF again? When?'

'Don't know, noticed the appointment in her diary a week ago.'

'Was that her first?'

'Don't know, didn't check, didn't want to nose you know.'

'You, not nosing? That's a first.'

The truth was House had wanted Cuddy to tell him herself, beside's she'd walked in only minutes later, tired from a meeting and he hadn't had a chance, the diary being tossed from his fingers mere seconds before being caught.

'It must have been her first appointment thinking on it.'

House turned his head, frowning, 'What makes you say that?'

'She hasn't had the opportunity; all the board meetings wouldn't have given her any available time. If you were ever present at any of them you'd know.'

'It can't have been her first, it wouldn't have happened so fast.'

'Exactly, but it had to have been, she wouldn't have had time otherwise. Which means the baby isn't through IVF. Enough time has passed for her to fall pregnant again naturally but by who?'

Wilson's words fell on empty air, the door slamming shut on them as House hurried down. His mind was whirling, going over, any possible opportunity where it could have been his. He thought back through everyone, heart hammering when it clicked.

The first time.

The first time they'd gotten together, almost a month after the whole thing had happened, they hadn't used anything. Neither had thought about it, so wrapped up in everything else in the moment, not wishing to frighten her or to bring anything up. He'd thought it would be ok, for once his heart ruling his head.

His leg ached as he barrelled forward, the limb almost buckling from every step. Finally he reached the bottom, fumbling with his vicodin, a momentary breather before rushing forward once more, nurses parting as he rushed by. The words of refusal from Cuddy's secretary fell on deaf ears, the young man claiming Dr Cuddy didn't wished to be disturbed but was unwilling to stand in House's way. He flew through the doors, locking them behind him, heart aching as he stared down at the small figure curled up on the sofa, hair falling around her face, tear stained, watery eyes staring up at him screaming with pain.

He dived down, cane flung to the side gathering her up in his arms, pulling her to him relieved when she wrapped her arms round his frame, head buried into his chest. She'd changed him, his emotions bubbling on the surface freely, a chemical reaction every time she was involved and for once he was brimming with happiness, the pain long gone covered with warmth, the woman in his arms carrying his child.

……………..

She gasped for breath, shuddering as the final few tears leaked from her eyes. She'd been so confused, wounded from his reaction, not expecting it to be so cold. His eyes had been dead, she hadn't seen any love in them as he'd glared at her, stony faced at the news. She didn't understand it, hoping for something, but the dead reaction she'd received was the worst she could have experienced. She'd wondered back, empty, feet following a path she knew so well, emotionally dead. She'd mumbled to her secretary that she didn't wish to be disturbed, had gone into her office, eyes trailing round the room before sliding down the door, bursting into tears. Waves of grief washing over her, her happiness always short lived.

She'd ended up on the couch when House had stormed in, her body flinching preparing to be verbally assaulted, his words able to do extreme damage on her vulnerable heart, exposed to his hands. But he hadn't said anything, relief flooding through her body when he'd thrown himself to her, arms wrapping round her welcoming, safe. Everything was ok. She'd cried for ages, tears soaking into his shirt; all emotions leaking out, draining. Finally the tears subsided, questions forming on her tongue.

She pulled back, turning her head up to face him.

'Why?'

He looked down, eyes flicking to the side, guilty, before falling on her again. 'I saw the IVF clinic appointment.'

She tugged away, sitting up, trying to understand.

'And you didn't mention it to me.'

'So you became suspicious, you and your mind. So whose did you think it was?'

'I didn't think it was mine, I thought…I thought you'd…I thought it was a donor's.' He looked away, he didn't stammer, his loss of control was embarrassing. But for once he knew things had to be said.

'Why, how could you possibly thing I'd turn to a stranger other than you?'

House looked away, blue eyes open and brimming with sadness, she'd never seen him so exposed and her heart melted, she couldn't be angry with him, he was here with her by her side, but she had to understand.

'House'…her hand slipped beneath his chin pulling his eyes up to meet her, lips brushing over his, a chaste kiss. 'Why?'

'I didn't want to hope.'

'What do you mean?'

'Things never go right for me, it seemed silly for me to hope that this would, so I just assumed the worst.'

'Didn't the possibility even cross your mind?'

He shook his head, words abandoning him, clearly cursing himself for being so stupid. She could see the conversation was hard for him. But she understood what he was trying to say. After everything that had happened to the both of them, it was hard to believe a happy ending existed. But she was determined to fight for hers and it lied in House, all she had to do was make him realise he could have one too.

'I went back to the clinic because my friend there wanted to check me over because I'd been feeling funny. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to worry you. And a baby had never even entered my mind. I'm a month gone, it must have happened our first time.'

'No protection.'

'Didn't even think about it, some doctors we are.'

'Speak for yourself, I blame you.' His eyes sparkled, the teasing tone returning to his voice. He always played with her winding her up enjoying watching her fuse blow, it was fun for him to find methods to make it up to her.

She opened her mouth to argue, but was silenced as his lips fell over hers. Happiness blossomed in her heart, back hitting the sofa as he pressed down over her. She returned the kiss, passionate, full of joy.

There lips parted, the admission she'd been holding in slipping from her lips.

'I love you.'

She froze, realising she'd said the words out loud. Not ready for another House reaction, knowing how he could take the words. She stared up at him, eyes wide, frightened, daring to hope. He hovered over her, gazing down. Suddenly he shifted, body curling around behind hers. His hands curled over her hips, falling over her lower stomach. His lips brushed against her ears, whispering the words she'd so desperately wanted to hear.

'I love you too.'

--SS--

**What do you think?? was that ok?? and its building up to happy ending :D. SS xxx**


	18. Physical Development

_**Hey peeps, here's the next update. This one jumps ahead a few months, but you get given the background of the important things that have happened as her pregnancy has developed. :). I didn't want to go over each month because I felt it detracted from the story and I wanted to jump ahead to the fun part lol.**_

_**I promised to have this up yesterday but work keeps knocking me for six. Upside I finish work in 2 days thank god!! then its back to uni :D. **_

_**Also I'm sorry with the lack of review replies...each and everyone does mean a lot to me...i just haven't had to time. I'm exhausted when I come in and barely have the energy to post the next chapter. **_

_**Hope you enjoy it **_

_**Hugs**_

_**Scarlett xx**_

**_--SS--_**

Physical Development 

She didn't fit. Her stomach rested against the desk, forcing her a fair few inches away, too far to be able to write comfortably from. She fumed, glaring down at the bump expanding from beneath her top. She felt like a beach ball, waddling around everywhere all her former grace long gone. The staff still feared her though, her hormones setting her on edge. Over the last 8 months she'd been a terror, demanding ridiculous request, many to feed silly cravings. All her activities were much to House's amusement until he started being on the receiving end of most of them. His pager bleeped once every hour with a new demand, sending him hobbling off to fulfil her every wish. He didn't dare deny her; the last time that had happened the fury burning in her eyes hadn't been funny, cutting off sex for over a week just to annoy him.

They couldn't have sex now, she was too far gone, intercourse unadvisable in the final months. It had been interesting up till then though. She still smiled at the memories, House bending and twisting trying to reach her as the bump grew, missionary soon not an option. She'd enjoyed being on top, riding him, watching all the expressions of pleasure flitter over his face, eyes gleaming as he stared up at her, full of love, passion and desire. He'd started going down on her often, finding it relaxed her; he'd even done it in her office once. She'd almost exploded over a situation, the nurses in the clinic finally pushing her over the edge with their demands. The problems they ran to her about, she felt they should be able to cope with them, themselves and didn't need her to hold their hand every step of the way. So she'd snapped, voice exploding out as silence descended over the clinic. Eyes wide and fearful and for once they actually ran to House for help, he was the only one who could cope with her when she was fuming. His presence had been welcomed for the first time in memory, everyone relaxing in relief as he'd hobbled into her office; eyes wishing him luck not sure whether he was going to come out alive.

He had, and with a grin on his face. Knowing only moments ago she'd been perched on her desk, House between her thighs, resting awkwardly on his leg ignoring the pain just to calm her down. He knew which buttons to press and soon had, had her melting around him; legs tossed over his shoulders as he put his tongue to better uses.

She squirmed, the thoughts setting her on fire, frustrated that she had to wait another month or two before she could engage him again.

Her mind thought back over the last few months, all the troubles they'd over come. Telling the board had been terrifying, but had amused House greatly. He'd wanted to be present to see their faces and had hobbled by just at the right time, head popping up by the board room window grinning at the gob smacked faces on all the head of departments, even Wilson's. Their eyes had fallen on him, causing Cuddy to turn and glare. House had saluted them, waving before walking away with a victorious expression on his face.

The board had been surprisingly understanding, little or no argument. They hadn't been aware of the relationship before the revelation and had to admit they hadn't seen any change in House's behaviour, at least not for the worse. If anything he behaved better knowing if he didn't she would withhold sex. They had always sworn not to bring office issues home, but that didn't mean she wouldn't punish him in subtle ways without words.

The board had given their approval, some grudgingly but approval had been given no less; unwilling to seem prejudice against pregnant women. The only case they had against her was House and it wasn't enough to fire her for. So she'd walked away from the meeting unscathed, Wilson's eyes watching her the whole way.

Apparently he'd tackled House within minutes, unable to believe House had kept the secret of their relationship secret. He'd suspected, when House had darted off the roof after their brief conversation, but had soon silenced the thought, never believing it to be possible.

But he was happy for them, smiling every time they interacted until House started snipping at him. Generally he claimed he didn't want an audience, giving the impression they had sex within the hospital. She always gave Wilson a look, denying everything, and she knew Wilson believed her; after all she would never do such a thing. Not often at least. A smile blossomed over her face as she thought back to the previous incidents when her resistance had been battered aside. Her hormones had made her libido hit the roof, craving sexual attention increasingly often. And House knew how to work it, paging her into clinic rooms where he'd seduce her, luring her in, locking the door working kisses over her skin until she melted, weight supported by the bed or wall as he had his way with her. The closet had been awkward, dark and noisy. They couldn't keep everything quiet, bumping into things and unable to silence the vocal noises they made. They were quite noisy within the act and with the hall being only a few inches away House had slammed his hand over her mouth and finished her off with his fingers. She'd returned the favour later in the evening, going down on him, much to his pleasure.

House had been overly supportive, reducing the amount of stress she'd been under, minimising his law suits to once every month. He claimed he needed to keep her on her toes, not wishing for her to stagnate completely and get used to his current behaviour because he planned to return to normal the moment the pregnancy was all over. So she told him she'd just have to have another one straight after, his face had been priceless mind thinking the demands would never end, a constant pregnant Cuddy always sending him out in the middle of the night. She'd soon kissed the expression away though, before sending him on another errand much to his frustration, but he'd gone and she knew deep down he was happy to help and support because he wanted this too.

They'd just moved into a new house. They'd hunted for ages for the right one at House's suggestion. He wanted this, wanted to have her by his side every minute so he could keep an eye on her check she and the baby were ok. Shifting all their stuff had been funny, combining different tastes and lives, arguments over what should stay and what should go. The one thing they agreed on was the piano, centre stage in the house, it was beautiful.

Every night they would curl up on the couch, his hands subconsciously circling her belly rubbing in circles as she leaned against him, safe, protected, happy. He never voiced his feelings, House the same as ever, keeping everything to himself. But his eyes gave him away, all his emotions out in the open as he gazed at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

A jolt of pain snapped her out of her thoughts, fingers sinking into her stomach in reflex. Her eyes shifted, waiting, wondering. A few minutes passed, body poised on the edge of her desk, senses alert for any sign of a contraction. Nothing. She shrugged, Braxton hicks, it was expected, there was no way the baby would come now, it was House's child and the man was never early why would the child be any different?

Gazing down at her diary she stood up, swaying, hand shooting to her back to steady herself, trying to ease the constant ache. She couldn't wait until this was over. It was a roller coaster of a ride. She remembered the joy of the first scan, House's eyes dancing as he heard the heartbeat. They hadn't wanted to know the sex, the doctor keeping all evidence hidden from their knowledgeable eyes. The first time the baby had kicked had been hilarious, House jumping from her cry, scrabbling over to her, concerned. He'd lost his balance, feet tangling falling backwards over the sofa, legs in the air as she laughed through the pain.

He'd glared up at her, knowing nothing was wrong from the sound of her giggles, frowning that she found his embarrassment so funny. She'd never forget the image till her dying day, so cute to see House act so human, the protective male, defending his offspring, panicking at any sign of danger. He'd stumbled to his feet when she'd explained what had happed, her hand grasping for his sliding it beneath hers as she guided it over her ever growing belly. She knew when he felt it, eyes snapping up to hers, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile. She could read every emotion now from the subtle flickers on his face but her knowledge of small changes hadn't been needed then, his reaction had been as plain as day and his openly expressed happiness only served to double her own. She wouldn't have wished to share the moment with anyone else.

A small tug of pain at her belly hit again, making her jump slightly but with a shake of her head she hobbled out the office. She had a meeting to go to.

…………

House was waiting for her, pacing outside the meeting room. He wanted to talk to her about a case, but didn't want to intrude. Normally he'd dart straight in, uncaring of who she was with or what they thought. But he had no desire to stress her out, his behaviour having been tamed slightly during her pregnancy, but only slightly, she still got a few law suits on her hands every now and then. It kept her on her toes.

The doors swung open, eyes watching as all the members filed out, wandering past, eyes falling on him but remaining blank. He was leaning up against the wall, taking the pressure off his leg, waiting. She was always the last, choosing to let everyone else leave before she attempted to waddle out the office, it saved having everyone pile up behind her like a traffic jam.

Finally everyone had left, but still no Cuddy. She wasn't anywhere in sight. He frowned, head whirling round checking either end of the corridor ensuring he hadn't missed her but certain he hadn't. Where was she? His cane slid between his fingers, the tip pressing into the ground as he stepped forward, pushing the meeting room door open, head peeping round, zeroing in on her, hand resting on the back of her chair, knuckles white as she buckled over.

'Cuddy?'

Her head snapped up, eyes wide,

'Its coming.'

--SS--

**_dun dun duuuuun lol. next chap will be up either tomoro or Fri :D. please leave a review!! -begs-_**


	19. Happy Ending

_**Hey Peeps!! I'm SO SORRY!! I know I promised a new chapter up everyday but this week went crazy...I had to move back home before I headed back to uni so i've been packing all my stuff to come from London to here and now I need to pack the rest to get from here back to uni...so i've been really busy!! but yeah a promise is a promise and i broke it so i feel i should apologise.**_

_**But yeah...this is the happy ending I promised lol (at least i kept that one)!! I had to hurry to get it up tonight cos I am heading back to london AGAIN cos I got called in to work and, while i'm off their forms now, they needed me as a favour..so I thought i'd be nice for once :P. lol. **_

_**I hope you like this chappie...I have never experienced child birth myself apart from the things I see on TV so everything is a manifestation of what i've seen and heard but i hope its accurate enough! **_

_**Only the epilogue left now...can't believe this fic is finally comming to an end! **_

_**Hugs **_

_**Scarlett**_

_**p.s the baby is only like a week early...Cuddy was a month gone when she found out and as I said in the last one 8 months had past since that day so yeah not premature (lucky8 reviewed and said it was comming two months early so I just wanted to clear that up..if ya reading this bubs I think ya miss read lol :) - either that or i've made a mistake somewhere n missed it -darts off to check lol- :s ).**_

_**As for all my other reviews thank you and i'm sorry i haven't replied individually. The epilogue will have the replies for reviews for this chappie. I'm just so busy and have a 6am wake up call tomoro pouts but every single review means a lot and I thank you for taking the time to let me know your opinion :D. SS xx  
**_

**--SS--**

**Happy Ending**

He couldn't feel his fingers, her hand wrapped so tightly around them, circulation stemmed, bones grinding together within her grasp. He didn't dare attempt to loosen her grip, uncertain whether her next stop would be to wrap them round his throat.

Any other time he would be amused at her fury, the words spouting from her mouth enough to make him blush. He'd never known she could be so vulgar, a new side of Lisa Cuddy coming to the front. Sweat poured down her brow, body arched forward trying to pant through the agony emanating up from her abdomen.

The contractions were coming hard and fast, cries echoing out every time a strong one struck. Her skin was flushed, heated, unable to sit still through the pain, not knowing how to cope. She'd seen this so many times, women in labour, and even now hadn't understood the agony they experienced. The delivery doctor was poised between her legs, House had been held firmly up her end, refusal to let him lower puffing out between breaths. He'd seen a few births in his time, but apparently Cuddy didn't want that image imprinted on his mind, and if he was honest he hadn't any desire to either.

House would have smiled at the scene before him had he not been otherwise distracted; the poor doctor, ordering her not to push and getting a stream of abusive comments thrown at him in response. All the medical knowledge having long since fled. She now realised how stupid the comment was. Don't push! She didn't really have a choice, the baby had to come out at some point, and it was pretty determined. A melon through a pin prick, it shouldn't fit, against all human assumptions it would never work and yet children were born this way everyday. God was having a laugh.

She'd sworn he'd never get his leg over again, cutting of sex for the rest of the relationship, getting far as threatening to cut his asset off. He'd been unable to hide the flinch at the comment and felt the rest of the men in the room wincing with him.

He'd been inclined to demand nothing but females in the room with his woman, but Cuddy's cries had silenced him, he valued his life. If she'd been this verbal with him at work he would have cowed to her demands immediately…she was bloody frightening.

Words spilled out of her mouth, more threats more information he suspected she wouldn't want the room to know, this would be all the talk around the water cooler. Without a second thought he grasped the gas, slamming the mask over her mouth muffling her words. He smiled at the doctors in the room as she continued to speak, breathing in the air with every gasp but not faltering in her tirade. He pulled the mask away and his ears pounded with her words once more. He was on the edge, stressed. He brought the mask up to his face, breathing in the gas deeply enjoying the edge it gave, making his body numb before slamming it over her mouth once more. She glared at him, fire in her eyes. If looks could kill he'd be a pile of ash. Right now her condition was all his fault and she wanted him to pay dearly for her situation.

Finally the command to push echoed out, Cuddy letting go, fingers tightening as she bore down, teeth gritted, face turning bright red as her efforts cut the oxygen supply off. She couldn't gasp, the pain stealing her ability to vocalise anything. Her body drooped, muscles shaking from the effort, groaning, shifting before boring down again, determination written within her expression.

……………….

'I…can't.' her strength was depleted; she was exhausted, just wanted to give up, let darkness consume her. Her muscles stung, burning in her joints, pain throbbing over every inch. She wasn't designed for this, they lied to her, this was not the way to give birth; something had gone wrong in the design of women. Or maybe it was a punishment, but in her mind right now it was House that deserved it, bastard got off with everything, she was always the one that paid for their actions, little shit. Her fingers reflectively squeezed tighter. Never again, not ever, she was following her mother's advice and keeping her legs firmly crossed.

'Come on Lisa, one more push.'

The fleeting thought to tell him to sod off came to mind, but it fled, not enough energy to breath in the oxygen she required. She could barely hold her head up, just wanting to give in, darkness creeping in at the edge of her eyes. She eyed house, eyes bugging out as she saw the mask now firmly fixed on his face, he was coping worse than she was, the cries pushing him over the edge. Good.

With one last cry she contracted her muscles, praying it would be the last time. In relief she felt the baby give way, slipping out, fingers fastening round its shoulders, pulling it the rest of the way.

Suddenly a thud echoed out, body too numb to jump she lifted her head, eyes falling on House, flat out on the floor, mask now grasped in his palm beside his head. He'd had a little too much, and with a relieved smile she drifted into unconsciousness, the cries of her baby the last noise she heard before the darkness finally consumed her.

……………..

Her eyes flicked open, the sky dark outside, she shifted, body screaming out in pain muscles strained and aching. Her eyes fell on House, her heart swelling with love. His head was tossed back, breathing slowly, a little bundle held in his arms, tightly, protective, her baby. She felt tears spring into her eyes; she'd never forget the sight, forever imprinted on her mind. _The happiest day of her life._ She felt content, a bubble of happiness expand so fast it hurt.

She sniffed, gasping; the sound making House shift, his eyes flickering open, taking in his surroundings before snapping over to her. Their eyes met, concern flashing in them as he noticed her tears. She smiled, the panic dimming in his gaze when he realised she was ok. She couldn't speak, arms flying out, hands flapping indicating to hand her child over, so desperately wanting to wrap her arms around them, maternal instinct kicking in, so much love to give. He stood up, swaying as he tried to balance new to the experience of holding a child in his arms without his cane. He hobbled over carefully, eyes never leaving the face of his child.

She smiled up at him, giggling as memories of the birth flashed back. 'You fainted.'

He frowned at her, sniffing, 'momentary hallucination, pain can cause that you know.'

She grinned, knowing what she saw and that he'd deny it to his dying day. She wished someone had it on film, talk about blackmailing material. She was quickly distracted however as he leant over, laying the quiet bundle down in her arms. It wriggled, snuggling into her warmth causing a shiver to shoot through her skin, a subconscious connection. The child was part of them, a mix of her and House. She laughed, the world wouldn't know what hit it.

'It's a girl, we need to name her.'

They gazed down at their daughter, minds working, thinking of a name that was good enough to give to the little baby they'd made.

'I used to hate having such a common name. Everyone had it.'

'Give her something different then, I could think of a few interesting ones.'

Cuddy giggled, imaging the names House was coming up with. 'Any choices are run by me first.'

'Race you to the birth certificate; I have a chance of winning now.'

She frowned, lips twisted in a smile, knowing he was joking.

'What about Ava?'

'Too sophisticated, my little girl is going to be a cool dude like her dad.'

Cuddy loved the sound of House calling himself dad, the title suiting him so well even though years ago she would have been shocked at the thought. 'A cool dude, she's a girl, she better have inherited some decorum from me.'

'From you? If I recall, you used to give me a run for my money those many years ago. The kid has no chance.'

Lisa winced, their child was going to be a handful, and she was looking forward to every minute.

'Ellie?'

Cuddy tilted her head, thinking it over, 'It's ok but not perfect.'

'Holly'

'Holly House' Cuddy laughed.

House tapped his cane on the ground, 'Carly, Casey, Taylor, Maddie, Roberta? She could be nicknamed Bob.'

Cuddy frowned, ignoring House's humour, mind zeroing on Maddie, it would be suitable for their child, madness seemed to be a strong quality within their family already, but it wasn't enough.

'Madison.' She looked down into her little girls face, seeming so innocent; eyes not yet open to the world and the lessons she'd have to learn.

She looked up at House gauging his reaction. His eyes were on their baby girl, before sliding up to meet Cuddy's nodding. 'Madison is perfect'

'Now for the middle name.'

'Ameri.' House's voice rang out, firm and determined. Her eyes snapped up, brow creasing at the sound in his voice.

'Why Ameri?'

He shrugged still not looking at her, 'It was my grandmothers name, I like it.'

She had a feeling there was more to the story than he was letting on, but she'd find out soon enough, she wouldn't be leaving his side anytime in the near future. 'Why not have it as a first name.'

His eyes met hers, 'Because she needs her own name, she needs her own individuality not to feel she's just a follow on from someone.'

She nodded, 'Madison Ameri House' it is then.'

He gazed down at his little girl, a smile cracking over his face.

'Perfect.'

TBC

--SS--

**_Hows that for happy?? :D :D :D :D. lol...please leave a review peeps!! hugs and cupcakes!! xxxxx_**


	20. Epilogue

**_Hey guys...this is it sniff the last chappie of my fic...finally. I'm so sorry it took so long to write...and all the months I left you hanging. I'm attempting to get all my fics complete and once done I will write the whole fic before I post it so you will never have to suffer again!! I know how frustrating it can be!_**

**_This would have been posted a while ago...but my frigging comp got a virus in it and I had to fork out for a new one...i owe my rents a lot of money...even more debt mounting on top of ma student loan!! siiigh._**

**_anyway...this is the epilogue...i hope you like the happy ending!! we couldn't have my huddy love fic end on a bad note could we now lol!! This is only short...and is a tiny flash into the future of their life!. My next huddy fic i'm going to try and complete is walk on the wild side!! _**

**_wooo for the new house epis...I just watched the first one...huddy love fest!! I cracked up at the couples councelling heheehe. My huddy love is returning...cos it went on a bit of a hiatus...but now i think its back with avengence!!:D _**

**_right peeps enjoy!_**

**_thank you for sticking this out with me and all the wonderful reviews...I wouldn't have completed this story without you guys constantly cheering me on!! lol_**

**_hugs_**

**_Scarlett_**

**_Reviewers:-_**

_HuntingPeace__: it took me ages to decide on that name...i felt it should be unique...because house and cuddy's child couldn't be anything else lol!!_

_Limalicious__: yep yep its a girly...just the image of house having to cope with a girl cracks me up!! it was a fluffy chap with humour thrown in. they had to have a happy ending...its me writing it. I don't do anything else lol. _

_joraco14__: dances YAY!! lol i loved writing her in labour...it was so funny!! I have no idea what its like to give birth so I kinda just added my own twist to it...i remember my own mother mentioning the happy gas they had so I thought...why not!! _

_starkidtw__: awwwws u cried tooo?? it was a cute chappie to write...and weird because it was exactly the ending I imagined all that time ago when this story came to mind!! its weird how its mirrored my planning the whole way through...nothing was changed!! I need to have another restless night like that one lol._

_Mixy: Lol YEP THEY HAD THE BABY!! well cuddy did...house was just an onlooker lol...I would say guys got it easy...but House was suffering through all that lol! I loved writing cuddy in labour...i was cracking up when i was imagining it!! and yep...maddie was the reason she got the name maddison!! i thought...hmmm mad is kinda apt. lol_

_Baroqueen__: I'm pleased you agree it was the ending it needed...with all that angst it needed a little bit of sunshine somewhere!! and thank god ppl liked the name lol...i was really nervous!! i wanted something a little bit different...and it seeems to have worked._

_dandysgirl103__: Lol my life is always hetic...i moved back to uni a few days ago...as always it was crazy!! sigh...my life never stops running! busy busy. and suffering for my art comes naturally to me now lol...I think i'm a masochist...always setting myself up for more!! can't believe i had 4 fics on the go including this one lol...it will be nice to cut that pressure down one by one...but knowing me i'll soon increase it again lol!_

_ZaraShade__: Lol i had to have House fainting...i just loved the image and i just couldn't picture him handelling the birth of his baby particularly well!! heheehe. and yep maddison house...little maddie. apt no??_

**_--SS--_**

**Epilogue**

She stumbled in after a long day, bag falling on the floor of their house. They'd moved in over a year ago and yet everyday she walked in after work, the presence of her lover constantly comforting, knowing she'd never have to return home to a cold empty house ever again.

She snuck down the hall, heels slipping from her feet to silence her footsteps, wincing at the creak in the door as she forced it open. It was dark inside, the subtle sound of breathing music to her ears. She gathered a few toys up, removing them from her path placing them in their rightful place as she approached the crib. Her little girl was a year old, dark curls fanned like a halo around her head, bright blue eyes hidden by her tiny eyelids as she slept. Seeming like a little angel. Looks could be deciving. Maddie was as mischievous as ever, vanishing within seconds, always up to something.

Her little chest rose and fell, Cuddy's eyes watching the little movement, heart ballooning in her chest, all the love for her child spreading through her. So much love for such a little thing. The little girl was perfect, a cheeky little thing, but she wouldn't ask for anything less. Intelligence dancing behind her eyes, taking everything in, including some bad habits from her father.

She would have to have a word with him about a few, but not tonight.

She slipped out of her clothes, into something more comfortable, arching to ease the pain in her back, a new little bump just starting to grow. Her fingers rubbed her belly, wondering what new personality was growing inside. She was pregnant again, her little family growing as she'd always dreamed.

She wandered out, walking through the expansive kitchen, where they ate breakfast together every Saturday morning. Maddie was already beginning to join in with the conversation, learning new words everyday and faster on her feet than ever and with her growing bump and House's cane they were pushed to keep up with her, and the little one knew it.

Cuddy smiled as she stepped out on the patio, remembering chasing after her little girl, full of joy and personality, her little giggle bubbling out as her parents hurried behind her.

Her eyes fell on House, his legs stretched out before him, eyes gazing at the sky. He didn't move at her approach until she stood right beside him. His hands wrapped round her waist tugging her over, pulling her down between his legs. She leant back, his head nuzzling into her neck. 'I love you' the words fell from his tongue with ease, meaning them as much now as he had when he'd first said them, so comfortable with her in his arms. She sighed in contentment. 'I love you too.'

Silence fell between them, comfortable, comforting. His hands encircled her waist, rubbing circles on her belly, their ever growing family. She'd made it, had everything she wanted. She'd ended up where she never even dreamed to imagine, and wouldn't ever want to be anywhere else, every low was worth the highs. She wouldn't change her life for anything.

She stared up at the sky, dark and twinkling, the sparkles seeming to dance high overhead, smiling down at the scene below.

She sighed with happiness, snuggling down deeper into House's warmth, the corner of her lips curling up. Her eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion finally taking hold as she drifted into a peaceful slumber. Safe within her lovers arms.

_The stars shined on._

--SS--

**_Awwws...tis all happy now!! lol Short and sweet...thanks for reading to the end..i hope you all enjoyed it!! hugs!! SS xxxxx_**


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